Gluttony or Addiction

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I was out with 2 friends over the weekend for a meal and we went for a meal and a few drinks. One friend Jenny is quite overweight and is always trying to lose weight and is talking about going down the Mounjaro route. Melissa is the other girl who is not overweight.

I mentioned I had been in M&S and bought a pack of 4 Yum Yums one of which I had with a cup of tea that morning. I was talking about how nice they were but a bit sweet for my taste. Jenny piped up that she buys a pack of Yum Yums on the way home from work, eats the whole pack in the car and then goes straight to bed because she feels sick. She does this regularly.

Melissa told her that was pure greed and gluttonous and how does she expect to lose weight if she does things like this. Eating until you feel sick is disgusting and she just doesn't understand that mentality at all.

I have never seen Melissa say anything mean at all so she doesn't have form for it. Jenny was very upset and started crying but Melissa was adamant and then went on a rant about taking Mounjaro when you stuff yourself with food until you are sick and how wrong that is.

I tied to diffuse the situation and said...is it not the same as going out and drinking too much and being sick and that it may be a food addiction and people all have something that they do too much of but I think I said the wrong thing and Jenny just picked up her bag and walked out. She has removed herself from the group chat now. Melissa is still standing her ground and saying that she said nothing wrong and it is her opinion that is is piggery to eat like that.

I have tried calling Jenny but she is not answering.

YABU.....Melissa is right and that level if eating is gluttony.
YANBU... Melissa should have shut her mouth and said nothing

Me neither, no matter who I was in this scenario.

I remember some years ago at a Slimming World group someone confessing to getting food out of the bin as they had thrown it away to stop themselves eating it. She asked if anyone else had ever done that, nobody had, but she was treated with compassion by everyone and the consultant spoke to her privately.

It was a cry for help and I don’t like to imagine what might have happened if the response to her honesty had been along the lines of what Melissa said to Jenny. Please reach out to Jenny in any way you can, she will be distraught as Melissa has voiced all the things she already thinks about herself. Eating like that is not normal and is undoubtedly an addiction, I think Mounjaro would really help her.

That is so so awful.

I'm sure you know this yourself but it says nothing about you and everything about them. Also - most people are overweight in today's society. Shaming anyone about it is moronic.

What a brave woman. I bet you she was not the only one in that room and somebody else approached her privately or at least felt less alone.

They are like glazed doughnut things, I found them very sweet and heavy. Give me a cupcake or a cream doughnut any day.

Melissa is very unpleasant.

What is also unpleasant is asking strangers to vote on whether someone is a glutton or not.

Poor Jenny, with ‘friends’ like that.

I think it was the wording to be honest, greedy and gluttonous. To be that was pointed and intended to hurt.

It wasn't intended that way. It may have been worded poorly but I was merely asking a question. I have given my stance on it.

This can't be the first time Melissa has shown this side of herself though. She has humiliated Jenny.

sugar/food addiction is a real thing I have struggled with weight and food issues for years and have also been on the receiving end of ignorant comments. poor Jenny was treated terribly by Melissa, with friends like that who needs enemies..blimey ! if I were you op I would get in touch privately with Jenny and let her know that you don't share Melissa's ignorant views. I would be seriously re thinking my friendship with Melissa as well tbh as far as I can see the only one who has behaved disgustingly here is her

I'm with Melissa.
I sat through brunch with my SIL the other week while she banged on about loosing weight but not being fat enough for NHS funded weightless jabs. She ate an insane plate of food with extra sides, deserts, multiple hot chocolates and lattes, then took a bag of cake home!
If that was alcohol you would have a word. If someone drank excessively while saying they wanted to stop then took a couple bottles home to consume on their own... you would have a word.

We are not as kind to those with other forms of addiction.

People wouldn't ignore someone saying 'i drink a bottle of vodka' and then go to bed.

They hopefully would say it with a bit more tact but it's really not healthy behaviour.

Jenny is upset with herself as well as her friends.

It wasn't something she had to say. If you put it out there then I don't know how people are supposed to react. Perhaps on some level she was hoping someone would say 'oh we all do that's and to normalise it.

I can sort of see why Melissa refused to go along with this. She could have presented it more gently but it wouldn't hit such a nerve if Jenny didn't feel her own shame about this (I don't really think others can shame us unless we already have our own internal monologue telling us this).

I think everyone was a bit in the wrong and that it's a shame to lose friends over it.

@eqpi4t2hbsnktd would you “having a word” with an alcoholic involve telling them they were disgusting and similar things to the “piggery” and “gluttony” comments, in front of others in such an aggressive way? Do you think that would help an alcoholic?

Never EVER have I seen her like this before. If someone had told me it happened when I wasn't there, I would not have believed them.

Sometimes the truth hurts. I wouldn't have been so tactless but I'd have thought it.

That was not my point, I don't believe in anyone commenting ANYTHING about what someone else eats or drinks. I was trying to stand up for Jenny in saying everyone has their vices.

Sometimes alcoholics need the full unvarnished truth too. No need for any cruelness but far too much enabling goes on.

@Gloriiaglad you agree it was cruel. Pointing out it was cruel and unhelpful is not the same as suggesting that people with problem behaviours should be enabled. It’s not one or the other.

Nobody would eat until they felt sick unless they had a problem. Shame on Melissa for making her feel worse. Let's hope she never struggles with anything.

But what word would you be having? What people who haven't struggled in this area or listened to those who have don't realise is that their bodies are responding to hunger signals differently.

Your SIL wasn't saying "I don't eat much, I think it's my self diagnosed thyroid issues, I gain weight while only eating 600 cals a day. My problem is I'm not eating enough!"

I appreciate that stuff is annoying and I've had to listen to it myself while the person hoovers up three days worth of food as they are speaking.

If she's talking about weightloss jabs she means she wants help with reducing the desire to eat too much. You are not just demonstrating better willpower. She is literally feeling hunger that you aren't.

Irrespective of if Melissa was right about what she said, the delivery was really poor and your other friend most probably feels terrible.

Melissa is a nasty cunt because irrespective of whether she's right or not (though she isn't), the need to be right should never be more important than treating your friend with empathy.

I bet you any money that if Jenny got Mounjaro, lost loads of weight and managed to keep it off, Melissa would have an issue with that too.

I hope Jenny does do that in the end as it does sound she needs help with it. It's worked so well for many people already.

I just wonder if people understand what it’s like to feel hungry ALL THE TIME.

It’s exhausting. It’s depressing.

I had no idea what it was like to not be hungry pretty much constantly. That feeling that you’d always be able to eat a meal. Always.

Imagine fighting that feeling every day all day.

Jenny was correct but she probably should've kept quiet to save the other woman's feelings.
Overeaters already know their issue.