To think that people who say “they don’t need anyone” are just emotionally available and scared of commitment?

[MyEagerPombear]

It’s not independence, it’s avoidance. If you truly didn’t need anyone, you wouldn’t keep complaining about being lonely.

TITLE meant to say emotionally UNAVAILABLE

I think there’s a big difference between wanting someone and needing someone.

When my first marriage ended, I was so lost. I’d been with him since I was 16, so had never done adulthood alone before. I jumped into an incredibly ill-advised relationship which was so ridiculously codependent - I genuinely felt like it couldn’t function without this man. I wasn’t comfortable in my own company and would get very anxious and freaked out if he didn’t respond to a text within a few hours etc.
When the break up came, it was like my whole world was falling apart. It took me a long time to learn to do life by myself. But eventually, I reached the point where I was very happy with my single life. I wasn’t bothered if I never had another romantic relationship again 🤷🏻‍♀️

Then I met DH, completely out of the blue. I wasn’t searching for a relationship or really interested in dating at that point. But as time went on and we talked more and more, I came to the conclusion that I really liked him and I wanted him in my life - I didn’t need him. That’s also when the changes I’d made in my life since the messy break up really had made such a positive difference - if he needed to cancel a date for whatever reason, or if he got stuck at work (where he isn’t allowed his personal phone for security reasons), I didn’t feel anxious or horribly insecure like I did before.
Big difference between feeling lonely and wanting someone in your life to share things with and feeling lonely and needing someone to feel validated.

Definitely don't need a relationship as have found over the years they are based on diminishing returns and therefore not worth the effort.

Odd post - people act like they don’t need …. / guise of independence …

You a mind reader ??

Do you mean in terms of romantic relationships or all relationships?

If the latter, then yes, that's avoidance due to anxiety. Everyone needs meaningful relationships. All the people on here who 'only' need their ' little family' of H and kids are, I think, just people who are avoiding social relationships due to anxiety or stress, rather than finding ways to cope with the anxiety they feel around other people.

You don't know what you are talking about, you shrink wannabe.

Are you judging people who are reacting to past hurt?

It reads as if you are.

So I’m independent and don’t need anyone.

I do get lonely at times though but that’s just a want not a need. That is only because all my friends are settled down so aren’t as available as me for last minute get togethers etc. I am also happy holidaying/eating out/doing anything really alone.

I wouldn’t say I’m emotionally unavailable. Just picky about who I would want in my life. If the right man came along I’m open to a relationship, but I wouldn’t want to settle .

I'm a bit like you desribe. I am avoidant and fiercely independent, I will never ask for help even to my own detriment. I don't particularly like being this way but I had an awful childhood devoid of love and care and that made me this way. I deal with it as best I can and sometimes I am lonely but I also don't trust people and I don't really know how to work past that, I feel like my brain was wired that way during my formative years and rewiring it seems like a pretty impossible task at this point.

It's a really quite difficult way to live and I'm certainly not proud of it. I feel like damaged goods in a lot of ways. People are complex aren't they?

AIBU to think that people who make sweeping generalisations have an axe to grind?
AIBU to think that people who dont/ can’t believe that others feel differently to them are arrogant and sneery?

etc.