The lovely giggling mums - AIBU?

[CorneliaLouise]

Another thread this morning has reminded me of an incident that happened to me although details are a bit different.

2 years ago I went to an evening concert at a concert hall in the city centre.

I noticed there were 2 mothers of 2 girls I’d grown up with also at the concert. I’d lost contact with their daughters - our ‘school group’ - some 5 years earlier - so we weren’t in contact at all at that time.

When I went up a level to where the toilets were at the end of the concert interval these two mums were standing outside the toilets and giggling to each other in an exaggerated manner as I walked by. There was no one else around.

Looking back - I feel this was an extremely cruel thing to do. One of the mums was extremely cruel on one occasion to me when I was about 7.

For context, these mums at the time were around 60. AIBU to feel hurt by this?

Yanbu but my god what idiots if it was related to you!! (Just saying this because there’s times if I’m laughing with my friends I could be oblivious to anyone around us).

There's only two ways of looking at it - they were laughing at you, which makes them complete morons. Or they were laughing completely independently of you- which makes it a non event.

I'd put it out of your head that they were laughing about you, they may not have even recognised you.

Yes thank you - and fair point - there’s always a chance it was related to me - but I think it was calculated

What makes me think it was calculated was the exaggerated tone of it - didn’t sound natural

Sorry not* related to me in the post above

You're annoyed about walking in on two women laughing together? Don't really see the point of this post

I’m guessing you’ve never been bullied or picked on?

Wow, that's intetesting you feel they were actually laughing at you. Given you 'friendship' group had split many years ago, why would you think these people recognise you, particularly out of context.
They were laughing at an in joke, or someting completely unrelated to you.

Some will interpret every glance/vocalisation as being directed at them
Either arrogance or paranoia

That objectively seems far more likely than that they were faux-laughing at someone their daughters used to hang around with years earlier.

People's perceptions are a funny thing. I remember years ago walking along with a friend and we passed 2 women. Out of the blue one of the women turned around and had a go at us for talking about them....we were stunned, we weren't talking about them at all and hadn't a clue what she was talking about. I tried to explain that we weren't doing anything of the sort but this complete stranger was adamant we were talking about her. Very random and strange and I've never forgotten it. I think if it happened now I'd not make as much effort to try to convince her but I'm older and wiser and realise that people will think what they're determined to think.

Gosh I wouldn’t be able to recognise even my own friends from way back when, let alone my kids’ mates! Unless you were dressed as a gorilla or something it probably had absolutely nothing to do with you.

Believe me - they recognised me - I could hear one of them saying my name whilst shopping in town earlier that year

OP, respectfully, you seem incredibly thin-skinned and hyper-alert to things people you barely know are saying, and which you perceive to be about you. Why would you even register that one of them said your name when you'd last seen them on the street? Why would you remember that one of them had been 'cruel' to you when you were seven? Why would two women of your old school friends laugh about you anyway? Why would they be 'cruel' to be laughing by the loo after a gig? It just doesn't sound as if it had anything to do with you.

Were they looking at you when they were laughing? I think you would know the difference between them just laughing together and laughing AT you. Is there any reason why they would be so unpleasant to you?
They sound horrible.

It would probably really do you good to have some counselling. You’re upset now about something that you say happened 2 years ago, that was related to circumstances long before that. It must be very hard for you to carry worry and distress in this way. People can learn to come to terms with things and let them go.

I think if you were bullied by one of these women decades ago, that has stayed with you, and I really sympathise. I was never bullied, but I know people who have been, and it can stay with them one way or another for life.

So, these two women, if they were laughing at you, are still into bullying mode, they are nasty, not worth a seconds thought.

On the other hand, they could just be the sort of affected women who like attention...'Ooh, look at us, we are having such a good time' t ype of bore....once more, not worth a seconds thought.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the concert.😃

2 years ago you were shopping in town and heard your name? How bloody close did you get to them, or were they saying your name to get your attention to say hello?

Thank you.

no tbh they weren’t looking at me when they were laughing, but the laughing was EXTREMELY performative iyswim.

one of these mums REALLY doesn’t like me. That I do know

I used to work in a supermarket and was often behind the customer service/cigarette counter with another woman. One evening it was quiet, we didn’t have any customers at our till so we were just chatting a bit as we restocked the cigarettes. Our manager came up to say that a woman had complained that we’d laughed at her as she walked past. We had no idea what she was talking about. Everyone had to walk past the front of the counter to get in and out of the shop, and we weren’t talking about any of them.
She possibly went home to complain about the horrible women in the shop laughing at her, and saying how you can always tell if people are laughing at you, or just laughing. She was completely wrong.

Maybe they were laughing at you. But also it’s possible that they really weren’t - especially as they weren’t even looking at you.

You’re still thinking about this two years later?

I strongly doubt they were laughing at you. I think maybe you’re over-estimating how much space you occupy in other people’s heads.

They sound like mean girl teenagers rather than 60 year old women.

Easy for me to say, but just completely ignore them in future. Tell yourself you don't know them. Rise above it!

Thank you - definitely will do 🙌

Women who make a point of laughing loudly to make another woman feel self conscious are simply pond scum.

WORD!!!! 💪