To want to get out of this

[Crazycatlayde]

So work have suggested that we have to go into the office for a training session. However, it is an hour away and it is £10 to park, I also will not be back in time to pick the kids up as I haven’t booked them into after school club. How can I get out of this?

Call school, ours will do last minute but you just can't do it on the app, or call in a favour, pay for a babysitter if you need, this is not unreasonable. If you don't like it quit the job.

Call in sick, and in future pay attention to your emails.

For all this guilt about women being unreliable because they are mums/have childcare issues... men pull sickies for less important things...like going to the cricket or football.

Your kids are more important that a one-day training, which you'll probably be able to make it up later.

Have your company paid up front for this training? It could be expensive

Just confess: you didn’t read last week’s email, you can’t attend now because you have no childcare.

You have messed up. Nobody’s fault but your own. Take responsibility for yourself. You’ll look inept, but that’s the price you pay for not being on top of stuff. It’s not that big a deal anyway. One day, one training. Manager will think about it for 50 seconds and move on. You might even be of use back in the office while everyone else is out.

Don’t dwell, it’s not worth it. Just be honest, and move on.

@Crazycatlayde

If having them at the office for the last hour of the workday is in any way possible, then that's what you do. We work because that's how we feed, house, and clothe our children, so keeping one's job and being considered a real member of 'The Team' is important.

I was lucky enough to work in an office (waaaayyy before WFH) and as long as the child(ren) were old enough to sit quietly and it wasn't an everyday thing, it wasn't unusual to see a child or two in the lunchroom quietly doing homework or reading a book. As long as they weren't disruptive, no one cared.

You don't get out of it - you arrange childcare or you request that you attend via Teams/Zoom or ask if you can leave a little early on this occasion to make it home in time for pick up.

I tend to feel that when people have many reasons not to go.....kids at school, 10 quid to park, can't face people...there is more behind it...

that's great...in some work environments, the insurance doesn't allow that, especially if they are not there "formally" and therefore haven't been registered as in the building for fire safety purposes.

Their dad can’t as he works late
Five days a week? Whilst you what, either finish pre school pick up time or wfh with them?
He needs to take turns.

Bit of a moot point really given it's training.

OP I pay £25 a day to park for my work days. I think your £10 thing is irrelevant really.

You don't feel up for it because of mental health reasons (anxiety, stress, can't face it)? I'd say that's your reason for not attending right there. In the future, once you're through this break up and feeling more resilient, you'll be more on top of things and not miss the memo/forget to arrange childcare. It's fine, give yourself a break! They'll survive! You are number 1 in your own life.

They'll catch you up on the training some other time if it's that vital. Just like they would if you had D&V.

Well if you can't organise childcare you can't go, but I would expect this to not go down very well with your employer.

If you have a trustworthy friend can you ask them and offer to pay? They might agree then and you won't feel bad to ask if you pay?

Good luck

@Crazycatlayde could you try organising a last minute play date with your dcs parents if there’s any parents you are close to? I’m conscious it could be CF behaviour, but if it’s a one off and you explain your mistake and your dilemma they may have some sympathy? Failing that I’d say taking unpaid leave, no legitimate way of getting out of it.

Instead of spending time on MN you should be hitting the phones asking a late notice favour of any other parents you know. Easter break coming up, so offer them a day of child care in return for a couple of hours emergency picking up and minding tomorrow.

unfortunately the title of your thread shows that you don’t actually want to do this, instead you want to get out of this work commitment by lying/ pretending you didn’t get the email/ saying you can’t get child care.

I was actually off last week so didn’t pick up the email until today and now there is nothing I can do about it.

I'm wondering why she wouldn't have normally needed child care?
Who picks the kids up usually?
Do you pick them up when you should usually be working and now don't want to draw attention to that fact?

If the email was only last week and you were off I think you’d be within your rights to say to your manager that it’s too short notice to arrange childcare for the longer day. Ask if you can do the training another day, or just attend for part of it, so that you’re at least showing some willing. That is really short notice though.

Still though, if this falls within usual contracted working hours it’s reasonable for them to assume she can do it! It’s not reasonable to be always skiving off when the business says you’re needed! ( ie the school run is fine if doesn’t clash with training / meetings etc but not doing those things to do the school run in working hours is completely unacceptable)

I’d be completely honest with the manager, say you’re really happy to go for as long as you can but because the email was sent last week and you were on leave you may have to leave a bit early for caring responsibilities. I’d also be calling school to see if you can get a last minute place at after school club.

In future if you know your childcare is away I’d book onto after school club in any case, it’s always sod’s law that these things happen at the worst time.

Well that changes everything. Why didn't you say this earlier?
So you have only officially been informed today of a training day tomorrow.
In that case I think it's not at all unreasonable for you to not attend of the basis of childcare. However.....

Your first post said you can't go cos you didn't book them into after school club, then you say that you still wouldn't be back in time, so it's a moot point really.

Is the company expecting all colleagues to work an extra long day with less than a week's notice? I am sure you are not the only one with childcare issues.

You also say "I must have missed the email" last week. If you were not at work then you didn't miss it, you got back to your desk today and only read it then.

I'm thinking this thread isn't real. You don't really sound like you know what you're doing.

I think it must be an unusually long day? After school clubs usually run till 6pm. OP says she still wouldn't get back in time because it's an hour away.
Most people work their childcare around their usual contracted hours plus travel, not a working day plus additional travel.

In future if you know your childcare is away I’d book onto after school club in any case, it’s always sod’s law that these things happen at the worst time.

OP says she still can't get back in time.

You need to speak to your manager. If you’re usually reliable, and you’ve never been off sick as you say, they ought to give a little leeway if you’re having a tough time. Could you take a dependent’s day? We were allowed about three days a year for this.

Some people are being a little harsh on here. Yes Op has fucked up, but may be having a tough time at the moment. Sometimes life does hit you sideways and you can’t always function as well as you should. We’re not robots. I hope her boss is nicer than some of the ladies on here. 🤞🤞

I think if her boss was decent OP wouldn't even need to ask here.
The facts as we now know.
OP was off last week.
OP read the email about a training day today - it's during her working hours but the extra travel adds time to the day.
OP hasn't been able to book them into after school club.
OP wouldn't be back in time even if they were in ASC, so I'm a bit confused about that point.

A reasonable boss would have given way more notice for an extended work day (if they are part of the contract). The boss should know OP was away last week so has had a single day to organise things.

You'll have to promise your friend a comparable favour in return, then. The only other option is to do the training but say you have been let down last minute for childcare (you have, it was you yourself not reading emails) and you'll have to leave early but will make up the time.

The parking costs? Suck it up buttercup,
most of us have to on the regular.

You don't really sound like a very committed employee. Might be worth thinking about the advantages you have that you aren't appreciating at work, before they get wise to all this.