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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to get out of this

103 replies

Crazycatlayde · 24/03/2025 10:10

So work have suggested that we have to go into the office for a training session. However, it is an hour away and it is £10 to park, I also will not be back in time to pick the kids up as I haven’t booked them into after school club. How can I get out of this?

OP posts:
Starlight1984 · 24/03/2025 11:31

MellowPinkDeer · 24/03/2025 11:28

I can’t believe there are so many people on this thread who think it’s ok to not do the job you are paid for because of lack of organisation and childcare issues.

Taking unpaid or annual leave is the only acceptable way to ‘get out of’ doing the job that pays you , in working hours!

This. Can you imagine if everyone used excuses like "sorry it's an hour away and I don't want to travel" or "I've got nobody to look after my kids" or "I don't want to pay a tenner to park".

The country would literally grind to a halt!!!!!!

The majority of us have to find childcare, commute, pay extortionate travel costs, sit for ages in traffic twice a day.... We don't do it because we love it FFS!!!

OP you've literally been asked to go in for ONE training day. Childcare (or lack of) is not your bosses concern.

Lassango · 24/03/2025 11:33

Phone in sick is the only realistic option you have. They will probably know you are bullshitting but cannot do much about it. Try to keep a closer eye on your emails in future even though there can be so much going on at times.

TeenLifeMum · 24/03/2025 11:33

MellowPinkDeer · 24/03/2025 11:28

I can’t believe there are so many people on this thread who think it’s ok to not do the job you are paid for because of lack of organisation and childcare issues.

Taking unpaid or annual leave is the only acceptable way to ‘get out of’ doing the job that pays you , in working hours!

I know right? No wonder women get paid less and have to fight to be equal, posts like this make out we’re totally unreliable. I’d be asking your dh to use annual leave so you can go. Or, at worst I’d say childcare has fallen through is there a way to can join remotely or just for the morning.

£10 for parking … you know many of us regularly pay for parking to go to work and you’re complaining about a one off payment?

owlexpress · 24/03/2025 11:39

faerietales · 24/03/2025 10:26

You can’t compare the cost of your regular commute with the cost of parking somewhere that isn’t your ordinary place of work though.

They're two different things.

Show quote history

If it's outwith your contract/the realms of reasonable you would be able to claim expenses.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 24/03/2025 11:40

I get that it would be a big ask to get a friend to pick them up but its only for a few hours presumably.

I'd offer the friend a return favour of similar child care, which I'm sure a lot of people would like to have up their sleeve. Maybe a Saturday morning where you take them all out to the park or a ball pond play centre or something.

That way you could get rid of all this worry, which is weighing on you since you are going through a break up.

I note that you said you can't face people at the moment. But you say you normally love going into the office. Put on a brave face and go. I think a child free day, with colleagues, focussing on something outside the routine might actually feel like a good break from everything that is going on.
I think you should do everything you can to get to that training session. Its worth the £10 parking fee.

IzzyHandsIsMySpiritAnimal · 24/03/2025 11:42

rosemarble · 24/03/2025 10:46

How to get out of it?

Be honest with your manager. Say you've got some personal problems at the moment, you missed the email last week (apologise - if this is out of character then they'll accept this, if you've got form then it won't look good), and that now you're unable to get child care at short notice. Be wary though because if you only don't need childcare on that day because you wfh they might question your childcare arrangements. If your kids are older primary and wfh allows you to collect them and then they entertain themselves w/o your supervision while you're working then that's OK, but if they're younger and needing supervision then it won't look good that you don't already have childcare in place.

What is the training? Do you need it? Can you do it at another time.

I think if you want to get out of it, you need to do it in a professional manner.

100% this.
If work are aware of the stress you are under then there may be a solution. You can only 'get out of this' in a professional way, and you need to justify why you can't attend. That doesn't mean a full detailed explanation of every aspect of what's wrong, but an indication of why you missed the email and why you can't attend the training.

Original poster
Crazycatlayde · 24/03/2025 11:44

MellowPinkDeer · 24/03/2025 11:28

I can’t believe there are so many people on this thread who think it’s ok to not do the job you are paid for because of lack of organisation and childcare issues.

Taking unpaid or annual leave is the only acceptable way to ‘get out of’ doing the job that pays you , in working hours!

Do you think I could take last minute leave?

OP posts:
faerietales · 24/03/2025 11:45

I think your best bet is to say that as it’s not part of your normal working hours, you’re unable to find childcare at such short notice so can the training be recorded and/or done via zoom instead.

Magnastorm · 24/03/2025 11:45

If you have exhausted all potential options for childcare then you just have to be honest with your work and tell them you are struggling. As a manager I would absolutely respect this and would work with you to find the best solution. Maybe you can go in for the morning and leave early, and then connect remotely for any afternoon sessions?

Absolutely do not phone in sick as will be blatently obvious what you are doing.

Wolfpa · 24/03/2025 11:47

I think you need to be honest and admit that you have made a mistake.

Maray1967 · 24/03/2025 11:50

I’d go in for as much of it as you can and leave when you need to for school pick up. At least you’ll have done most of it.

muggart · 24/03/2025 11:52

can you bribe the after school club?

friendlycat · 24/03/2025 11:58

Maray1967 · 24/03/2025 11:50

I’d go in for as much of it as you can and leave when you need to for school pick up. At least you’ll have done most of it.

I would try to do this. But I would try and agree with my manager before hand.

Hoplolly · 24/03/2025 12:00

Do you think I could take last minute leave?

Not in my company you couldn't.

Tryinghardtobefair · 24/03/2025 12:01

Crazycatlayde · 24/03/2025 11:44

Do you think I could take last minute leave?

Show quote history

Can you ask if there are other training sessions? My DD goes to a special school and there's no after-school club. DHs work booked training on a day I had an important medical appointment and he needed to be at home to get DD off the bus. His manager booked him onto a training session with one of the other offices as it was on a different day.

Bogginsthe3rd · 24/03/2025 12:05

So what's the normal set up? You work from home 100% and go into the office if you want (which you don't want at the minute) or are you expected to go in now and again/ for meetings etc? Tbh if your work have asked to go into your normal place of work then you don't have a leg to stand on. Ignore your recent break up or the £10 , that's all irrelevant. Either you can't sort child care or you can't in which you just have to say sorry I missed the email and can't sort childcare (but if which so you should offer to attend and then leave early to collect kids as an alternative).

carcassonne1 · 24/03/2025 12:15

You must know a neighbour or other mum that you chat from time to time that has kids at the same school - just ask if you can drop off the kids at her house in the morning and to take them. I would help if someone asked me in such situation. Or simply send a Whatsapp message to your year group - I'm sure someone will be happy to help!

SinkToTheBottomWithYou · 24/03/2025 12:22

Their dad can’t as he works late You can’t either as you have a training. Could their dad collect them and WFH with them as you were planning to do? Or take the afternoon off? A training is more important than a normal work day.

I can’t really ask a friend as I have 2 children and it’s a lot Then ask a different friend for each child (parents from their class).

Do you know any family with a teen / young adult who could look after your children for a few hours after school (ie not a random babysitter).

MellowPinkDeer · 24/03/2025 12:23

Crazycatlayde · 24/03/2025 11:44

Do you think I could take last minute leave?

Show quote history

If you worked for me that’s what I’d be suggesting. It wouldnt be fair on the rest of the team otherwise.

Northernbychoice · 24/03/2025 12:26

Could you not ask two different friends mums? That’s what I would do.

rosemarble · 24/03/2025 12:28

Crazycatlayde · 24/03/2025 11:44

Do you think I could take last minute leave?

Show quote history

Ask your manager? You sound a bit flakey tbh.
How are we meant to know whether last minute leave is something your employer supports?

Paganpentacle · 24/03/2025 12:31

Who would normally collect your kids when your ''working'' from home?

TimeForaChangex · 24/03/2025 12:35

DemonicCaveMaggot · 24/03/2025 10:13

If the training is today, you tell work that you can't make it due to having to collect your children and ask to reschedule, or ask if it is possible to do the training online or over Zoom or Teams.

Don't blame it on childcare. You'll come across a flakey woman who can't get her shit together and you do women a disservice in the workplace. Have noro virus instead!

TimeForaChangex · 24/03/2025 12:36

owlexpress · 24/03/2025 10:14

Lol at 'work have suggested'. No they've told you it's happening, work pay you to work, it's not a negotiation (unless you're fully remote).

As as aside, my office is an hour away and it costs me £7 on the train. It's totally normal...

Quite!

Reachforthestars00 · 24/03/2025 12:42

This time, tell you manager that you have been unable to book additional childcare at short notice, and you are unfortunately unable to attend on this occasion.

Then get your professional act together - read your emails, organise yourself, and don't make parenthood an excuse.