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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Single mum - the internet making me feel terrible about myself

36 replies

PixieColou · 23/03/2025 22:17

Hi all. I’m 32 and a single mum of two. No dad on the scene and this has always been the case. That was their choices. I’m not a huge user of social media, but recently I’ve noticed so much hate aimed towards single mother’s (not father’s, infact, I’ve seen posts saying single father’s statistically do a better job than single mother’s, bla bla bla). The “funny” memes are endless, the comments are unbelievable. Mostly from blokes describing themselves as “high value” and talking about how ladies in my position are bottom of the pile. I’m aware of how algorithms work, and the more I clicked on these types of posts, the more they come up. I now hide them from my feed, but some still manage to find their way in. I never noticed these types of posts when my eldest was a tot (she’s now nearly 11) and infact, I’ve only ever received praise about what a great job I’m doing in the past, including from guys. Is this a rise in all the ‘red pill’ nonsense? I try not to let it but it does get me down. I’m a good mum, my children are my everything, my bills are paid, I don’t drink or do drugs, I’m not promiscuous, I’m a good friend etc. Although I’m not actively dating and never have tbh, I suppose there is a little part of me that hopes to find love someday. These comments are so off putting though that it makes me want to stay single forever to protect myself and makes me feel like nobody would want me anyway. Sorry that this is quite rambling. I suppose I’ve always carried a slight bit of shame that I don’t have the “traditional” set up, and I never knew that people would be so mean behind a keyboard.

OP posts:
audweb · 23/03/2025 22:21

I’ve been a single parent for years. I care not what wider social media says, honestly, I refuse to let any stigma get in my head. I’m raising my kid well, and I especially place no weight on men that suggest some women are high value and others not. I’m not even sure what that means - all humans have value. Ignore the nonsense.

Orangeandgold · 23/03/2025 22:23

I’ve not seen this kind of content. Infact I’m seeing the opposite because women are becoming so independent that there is a rise in the number of women who are choosing to be single parents if they don’t meet the right man but still want children.

I don’t really know what to say apart from get off social media and do some work on changing your algorithms by really being intentional about what you are looking for online. You will easily find a positive community of single mums online if you look for it.

I mean people will have their opinions - it’s only recently that single mums are given the praise they deserve. I’m a single mum and I faced awkwardness in the school playground - I find that worse that social media! But 10+ years later my daughter is amazing and I really couldn’t care less because I’m living a life I love and have a good kid.

There are plenty of children in 2 parent families that struggle too. Families are not perfect. But as long as you keep taking care of yours, ignore everyone else x

ExtraOnions · 23/03/2025 22:25

Andrew Tate misogynistic bullshit … just stop looking at it. There are so many other things to look at, cats, dogs, say yes to the dress, cooking ..absolutely everything is out there. Stop choosing to read and interact with stuff that is no good for you.

Take ownership over what you are looking at, and decide not to.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 23/03/2025 22:25

Yanbu there is a growing movement against single mums (not single dads of course)

It's pissed me off, and i block anyone i see apeaking negatively about single mums

Ive noticed it in the world too though. We're moving backwards as a society, and single mums and single mums of kids with autism and adhd are the new target of abuse.

GoldenCookie · 23/03/2025 22:26

I’m glad you posted this as I keep getting the same too, I did post on a single parents group to ask if anyone gets the same but they all claimed they didn’t. It’s literally constant on mine and all the comments from men slating single mums.

GailTheSnail · 23/03/2025 22:26

The sort of men who talk about women disrespectfully because they are single mums are absolute A holes and would use any excuse to be misogynistic. Im not a single mum but have seen shit like that on social media and it's a weird misogynistic take i don't care for

Itsabingthingfubing · 23/03/2025 22:28

Since becoming a mother myself I have mega-respect for single mothers. I get a small taste of it when my husband works away for weeks at a time occasionally. I really struggle and limp over the finish line (not saying my situation is the same as being a single mother at all but I don't know if I'd appreciate how hard it is without that little bit of insight!) I have seen bits of what you describe online but I also see a lot of content creators online who are single mothers and basically showing the world how amazing they can be and what they can achieve. I'd really recommend finding some creators (if you use TikTok/Instagram etc that is!) to whom you can really relate. I have found that so helpful when dealing with my own stuff.

SnoopyPajamas · 23/03/2025 22:31

Do you have twins, or has it happened twice that a man left you holding the baby? That's awful. I'm sorry, OP.

I think the hurt about this is the real reason all the internet stuff is getting to you. I can't say I've noticed a massive rise in hate for single mothers online, but like you say, the algorithm will drive more of that content to you if you're engaging with it. I think you're poking at an open wound, tbh. The last part of your post, about being scared to date because you think no-one will want you, is the part that jumped out at me. That's coming from your real life experience, not what some silly twat on the internet says. You know you're doing a good job, but I get the sense you don't think you have a lot to offer. I think you need to build up your confidence a bit more 🌺

Maitri108 · 23/03/2025 22:33

According to some men, women cannot do anything right. I'm not sure why you're taking the rambling of misogynist strangers to heart but they're best ignored.

It's some dysfunctional arse, living in his mum's basement at 42, with one hand around his penis. He's banging the keyboard between bites of KFC and catching flies.

Regretsmorethanafew · 23/03/2025 22:35

I don't see such content. Maybe stop looking for it?

After having a baby without a dad, how did you come to have another same way?

Flipslop · 23/03/2025 22:36

Chances are we are all going to start seeing this content too now 🙈
but nope I’ve never really seen that stuff on my thread
up your game and be mindful about what you look at on social media. As it creates and echo chamber for us all it may as well be a nice one!

Baseballdino · 23/03/2025 22:37

I don't ever see those comments or memes on social media. I'm not saying they don't exist, but it's just the algorithm pushing them into your feed making it seem more prevalent than it is.

Odras · 23/03/2025 22:45

The algorithm is against you now. Stop clicking on them. Start looking at positive or frivolous stuff like air fryer recipes or fashion. You’ve just gone down a nasty rabbit hole.

I have the upmost respect for single mothers. I think most mothers do. It’s incredibly challenging to do it alone but there you are doing it well. You should be proud of yourself, don’t let this nasty minority pull you down.

PixieColou · 23/03/2025 22:46

Thanks for the replies everyone. I think I might just delete FB tbh as I only use it to check the school group anyway. I don’t post on it or anything. Totally get the targeting of single mum’s with ASD/ADHD kids. My youngest is autistic with significant speech delay, in specialist education etc. It can be really hard and it’s pretty wild to think some people would choose to be nasty. To the poster who asked how my situation came about - my eldest was from my first boyfriend. We were together from when I was 14 until I was 21 and he left me at 7m pregnant, totally unexpected, he met someone else and moved to Dubai with her. They’re now married and he or his family decided they wanted nothing to do with my girl. My son was conceived thru a one night stand, accidentally, obviously and his father made it clear from the start he wasn’t going to be involved if I went ahead with it. These are the only two men I’ve ever been with in my life, I shouldn’t have to justify that. But for some reason I always do. Despite all this, I adore my babies and wouldn’t change them for the world.

OP posts:
mumofoneAlonebutokay · 23/03/2025 22:50

PixieColou · 23/03/2025 22:46

Thanks for the replies everyone. I think I might just delete FB tbh as I only use it to check the school group anyway. I don’t post on it or anything. Totally get the targeting of single mum’s with ASD/ADHD kids. My youngest is autistic with significant speech delay, in specialist education etc. It can be really hard and it’s pretty wild to think some people would choose to be nasty. To the poster who asked how my situation came about - my eldest was from my first boyfriend. We were together from when I was 14 until I was 21 and he left me at 7m pregnant, totally unexpected, he met someone else and moved to Dubai with her. They’re now married and he or his family decided they wanted nothing to do with my girl. My son was conceived thru a one night stand, accidentally, obviously and his father made it clear from the start he wasn’t going to be involved if I went ahead with it. These are the only two men I’ve ever been with in my life, I shouldn’t have to justify that. But for some reason I always do. Despite all this, I adore my babies and wouldn’t change them for the world.

Season 6 Ugh GIF by Parks and Recreation

You shouldn't have had to explain how they were both conceived

I think you're doing amazingly, and you stayed for your children when you could've left x

PixieColou · 23/03/2025 22:52

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 23/03/2025 22:50

You shouldn't have had to explain how they were both conceived

I think you're doing amazingly, and you stayed for your children when you could've left x

Thank you 😊 I did think it was pretty innapropriate for the poster to ask. Can you imagine asking someone that in real life. Well, they probably wouldn’t. X

OP posts:
mumofoneAlonebutokay · 23/03/2025 23:58

PixieColou · 23/03/2025 22:52

Thank you 😊 I did think it was pretty innapropriate for the poster to ask. Can you imagine asking someone that in real life. Well, they probably wouldn’t. X

Exactly x

Saphire123 · 24/03/2025 00:10

PixieColou ·

You don't have to justify yourself to anyone, you sound great.
I and a sibling was brought up by a single mother, she was amazing, and I know how hard it is to go it alone.
Ignore the keyboard warriors, they are meaningless fools.

TheSandgroper · 24/03/2025 09:48

I’ve said it before and I will say it again, the internet is full of Other People living Other Lives. None of it baded on reality, as far as I can see.

Everybody fed, nobody dead, ready for bed is probably a good starting point for life.

JHound · 24/03/2025 09:52

The internet is a toxic place: misogyny (and single mother hatred is rooted in misogyny), racism, xenophobia, homophobia etc. are the norm. I basically don’t use social media and the few online spaces I am in I make sure they are a bit of a bubble. Not perfect and there is still some bigoted hatred but nowhere near like in most parts of the internet. All I can say is maybe try strategies to work on your resilience? As the haters unfortunately are not going anywhere.

It’s weird to me that the parent who stays gets more abuse than the parent who f*cked off.

JHound · 24/03/2025 09:55

Regretsmorethanafew · 23/03/2025 22:35

I don't see such content. Maybe stop looking for it?

After having a baby without a dad, how did you come to have another same way?

She clearly says it was the men’s choices. Maybe ask them?

Newmeagain · 24/03/2025 10:06

Just ignore. I have never been on FB etc but this does not really surprise me.

I became a single parent very unexpectedly, many years ago, when my DC was very little. The one thing that came as a huge shock to me was the stigma associated with it.

JHound · 24/03/2025 10:06

Newmeagain · 24/03/2025 10:06

Just ignore. I have never been on FB etc but this does not really surprise me.

I became a single parent very unexpectedly, many years ago, when my DC was very little. The one thing that came as a huge shock to me was the stigma associated with it.

But the stigma is only for women who are single parents. Not men.

Newmeagain · 24/03/2025 11:06

@JHound oh, I completely agree!!

sorry if I didn’t make that clear. I am a woman.

Maxorias · 24/03/2025 16:59

You need to ask yourself why. It's simple. Men feel threatened by single moms who do well for themselves as it shows how unnecessary they are.
I'm a single parent by choice. Currently have a partner but they're not my kids' parent. It's amazing. I get all the freedom and none of the bother of having to negotiate with someone else how to raise my kids.

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