There's no other real option forthisp

[Ethicaldebacle]

Name change because it's a very delicate matter.

Yesterday I met with a friend and our parents (her DF and my DM) will end up in the same circumstances. If we don't move them here with us they'll end up dying alone.

Neither of us have family left in their home countries, and the current visa situation means that we'll never be able to bring them here (legally). Sit our plan is to bring them to live with us for the last couple of years of their lives, and take them to private doctors so they don't get deported. I believe that's the only option.

So if you need a&e you'll present at the desk with your bank details?

Unfortunately no. My DH works in manual work with no qualifications, so my job/DMs funds would have to pay for him/the DC.

He could be a tour guide, but they're regulated and as he doesn't speak the language it wouldn't be easy.

I actually have done that, and just said "we'll send you the bill". A second time they had no clue how to process a payment, that was like 6-7 years ago.

Wow! How lucky!!

I wouldn't call myself lucky :/ it's not like we didn't want / expect to pay!

How arrogant you sound. You seem to be prepared to take the piss out of the NHS and immigration.

But I don't want to, for the gazillionth time, she wouldn't come here to use the NHS, she has no real need for this at all. She has access to decent (arguably even better) public health services than the NHS.

I just don't want her to die alone and far away from the people she loves.

If there was a visa I would do it that way. Or if my DH could get a job over there.

I hope you never end up with a similar conundrum where euthanasia seems like a "sensible" choice.

Wow.

I am reading the OP's posts and marvelling, gratefully and my own parents who would not, for one moment, even consider leaving (Asian country) of their own, to come and live in the UK, illegally, with their only child. They have saved, put aside money, built networks, friends, family, contacts and resources and planned ahead for their ailment and demise there, in their homeland, where they draw pensions and are surrounded by known systems and faces.

I cannot for a moment imagine either of them claiming they want to die with me in the house, and thus they'd give up their lifelong country and abode to live in cold, gray UK, illegally - and all that to die with their daughter around them.

I have newfound respect for them now! Now i understand why their line has always been - "You be well, where you are, with our lovely DGC, and visit, as you do, with them, once each year, and we will visit once each year, as long as we can - but you must never, once put yourself or DGC in the sightest trouble coming to see us - and here are the 12345 things we are putting in place for our elderly care". They visit and are distinctly uncomfortable in UK temperatures, for anything more than 2 weeks, frustrated at not being able to drive in the UK, not having familiar networks and faces and are at their best element when we visit them in home country.

This thread has opened my eyes to how differently other people think - and I have such appreciation for my parents now.

Yes but my DM has nobody left. No friends, no family. Just a few dogs. So the circumstances are VERY different. From her POV she feels abandoned. I don't think that's so hard to understand.

There is a visa for this. And the NHS can charge for health care on this visa. Don't just let them overstay on a tourist visa.
https://www.gov.uk/uk-family-visa/adult-dependent-relative

I know there's a visa for that but they only grant very few of them (40 max) and my DM is ineligible because one of the key elements is to prove that's cheaper to have them here, which obviously we can't.

When you have an international family this is one of the dilemmas that you face that is years in the making.

The fact of the matter is that there isn’t a real answer.

Both you and you DM have a completely unrealistic view of what her life here would be like. If you’re prepared to have her in your house all of the time, with virtually no contact with anyone anyone else, and no access to non-emergency healthcare, then I think you have rocks in your head.

You need to take an extended trip or trips to your own country to sort out supported living /companionship etc. for her. You made the choice to leave her and come to the UK. This is a consequence of your choice and sadly you can’t just have it your own way.

But this is something you have contributed to. Was this not a consideration when you moved? Why does the UK have to pick up the pieces of your decision?

When I moved here/naturalised the visa that would let her move with me was still a thing.

So it was always your intention to bring her here?

When the last government raised the minimum income requirement to bring a foreign spouse to the UK, there was a public outcry that it goes against the right to a family life, despite the fact that the amount was below the equivalent of 2 minimum wages. Yet when a British citizen wants to bring in a dependent parent of sufficient private means, not only there is no legal route of immigration, they are being accused of taking advantage of the UK.

Nope it wasn't, really my original idea was to move back to my beautiful home, but alas things happened.

Well I'm not being funny but if she's looking at euthanasia as option then she can make plans surrounding that and you can be there? If she comes to the UK and has physical health conditions that can't be treated privately then she'll have a painful drawn out death?

You said you could uproot DH & DC to go live in her country? It just doesn't appeal to you really due right various obstacles... So essentially you both just see it easier for her to come to the UK illegally.

Yes, euthanasia has been seen as an option, because she doesn't have to suffer, and it can be planned.

The reason why I don't move back is because my DH doesn't speak the language and he's not really certified in anything so he'd fully depend on me financially for as long as we're there.

Our son would have to go to an international school (but that's absolutely fine the British school is within walking distance from my house).

Realistically the biggest issue is my DHs financial independence and that then he'd just be there sitting around

People learn new languages all the time? Is there no tourist areas he could work in a bar?

Will you not become financially dependent if your mum needs full time future care? Private home care is ££££.

So are private schools over there, so it's probably one thing for the other.

My current role over there would pay around £2.5k a month (maybe £3k) just saw and the British school is around £1.3k . I think then my DMs liquid assets would have to subside us for some time.

Plus learning a language isn't as easy as you might think. My eldest will bearly get a 6/7 and she's been exposed to it since the day she was born.

I've even had crazier ideas like all moving to France.

TBF one of the other potential solutions was that she could move to Israel (which would mean reduced travel times) BUT not with the current political situation.

So are private schools over there, so it's probably one thing for the other.

My current role over there would pay around £2.5k a month (maybe £3k) just saw and the British school is around £1.3k . I think then my DMs liquid assets would have to subside us for some time.

Plus learning a language isn't as easy as you might think. My eldest will bearly get a 6/7 and she's been exposed to it since the day she was born.

I've even had crazier ideas like all moving to France.

TBF one of the other potential solutions was that she could move to Israel (which would mean reduced travel times) BUT not with the current political situation.

And if once here illegally your DM gets dementia and becomes incontinent and violent?

You can't get carers at your home as they won't speak her language,plus think of the life your DC would have with violent confused incontinent DGM, you presumably can't afford to give up your job to care for her full time as you sound like the main earner, she won't be able to go to a care home here as language barrier again, she won't be fit to fly home if violent and what would happen to her once she got there anyway?

This isn't a plan.