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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How family-ish are you as a family?

61 replies

Ohlookitsarainbow · 23/03/2025 17:40

Feeling sad that Dd, 6, won’t have a similar family upbringing
My family weren’t perfect, but I have lots of happy memories of us all sat round the tv on Saturday nights (parents & my two siblings) or Sunday dinners or family board games at the table, things like that.
Dh and me aren’t getting on well at the moment, but even when things are ok, he doesn’t really participate in these sorts of things for long and certainly doesn’t suggest them or plan anything.
Small example is Dd getting excited now about Britains got talent on a Saturday and staying up for the whole show with a treat takeaway. He sit with us to eat the takeaway, but then shortly after will disappear upstairs or in the other room on the computer. Also, we just don’t do games as a family, Ive tried really hard but there’s never much enthusiasm so I’ve given up.
I feel extra sad about it as Dd doesn’t have siblings there either, it just feels like a different upbringing, I really want her to look back with fondness of us all together

How many things do you do together as a family? What other things do you do? Or am I being ott in trying to push/organise things?

OP posts:
Original poster
Ohlookitsarainbow · 23/03/2025 17:42

*He sits with us to eat the takeaway

OP posts:
KarminaBurana · 23/03/2025 17:43

Have you asked your DH why he doesn't want to sit with you, or play games with his DD?

namechangeformeeee · 23/03/2025 17:43

Get rid of him - sounds like you and dd will be a happier family without him. A man who can’t even be bothered to sit and watch something their child is excited about? No.

Baguettesandcheeseforever · 23/03/2025 17:46

We do a lot together as a family. We have shared sports we do together and when they aren’t on, we plan day trips together. We eat together most days at least once and Saturday nights are family night unless one of us has other plans with friends etc. I would suggest that, if you want this sort of set up, talk to your partner about how you feel and see if you can plan more activities together but still allow for everyone to have some of the free time they like too. I’d also be encouraging your partner to spend 1-1 time with your dd and build their relationship.

edited typos

Original poster
Ohlookitsarainbow · 23/03/2025 17:53

KarminaBurana · 23/03/2025 17:43

Have you asked your DH why he doesn't want to sit with you, or play games with his DD?

He’s just never truly ‘Here, either on his phone or doing something

OP posts:
CarpetKnees · 23/03/2025 17:58

We do, and always have done lots of things with our dc, but I wouldn't watch Britain's Got Talent unless you paid me a LOT of money.

I can't say I'm a fan of board games either. I'll join in if pressed at Christmas, but I've got other things I'd rather be doing most of the time.

You have to find things that you do enjoy doing together.

What does your dd do outside of school ?

What do you, or your dh like doing that you can introduce her to ?

Whataninterestinglookingpotato · 23/03/2025 17:59

DH has never really been one for board games so playing those as a family has been fairly few and far between. Thought I played them a lot with the DC when young.

we do watch tv together on a Saturday night. Even now they’re teens/young adults. Dd2s boyfriend often also joins us. We have a lot of family BBQs in summer and always have Sunday dinner together. We still do quite a lot of days out as a family and our holidays are always fun and we spend all our time hanging out together. So I’d say we’re fairly familyish.

does your DH say why he doesn’t want to participate. Are there any family activities he does enjoy? DH doesn’t like board games but is always up for a family movie night.

KarminaBurana · 23/03/2025 18:02

We always played board games together. Would DH and me sometimes rather not and just please ourselves? Of course, but when you have children, you have to make an effort. You have to engage, you have to create a family.

Keiththecatwithamagichat · 23/03/2025 18:04

I also have an only child and very much prioritise getting together with extended family lots, especially his cousins so there's other children to play with. I don't know if that's an option for you, appreciate we're lucky to have extended family nearby.

Would your husband do a nice day trip out somewhere fun just the three of you? Tell him you're concerned about lack of quality family time.

KarminaBurana · 23/03/2025 18:10

Yes, I agree, I think you need to talk to him about family time.

Ineedanewsofa · 23/03/2025 18:12

Tricky one, we are a family of 3 and find a lot of board games a bit difficult with ‘just’ 3 people - but we do other things as a family regularly - dog walks, card games, quizzes, meals, trips out. DH will come and support mine and DDs shared hobby even though it’s quite boring for him (generally quite boring if you aren’t in to it!) and they have specific TV shows they watch together (latest is Dr Who).

KarminaBurana · 23/03/2025 18:15

Ineedanewsofa · 23/03/2025 18:12

Tricky one, we are a family of 3 and find a lot of board games a bit difficult with ‘just’ 3 people - but we do other things as a family regularly - dog walks, card games, quizzes, meals, trips out. DH will come and support mine and DDs shared hobby even though it’s quite boring for him (generally quite boring if you aren’t in to it!) and they have specific TV shows they watch together (latest is Dr Who).

That's the thing, just spend time together, find things to talk about. You need the shared experiences.

Trumptonagain · 23/03/2025 18:24

While I don't think YABU in regards to playing games and such, I'd not want to watch BGT either.

Have you told him that DD would like to play games, as in all sit round a table with snacks/drinks and just be present in the here and now?

Gymmum82 · 23/03/2025 18:26

We don’t watch tv together. Or play games. But we do things as a family. Kids will have their own experiences growing up. None are right or wrong

dirtyyoungtown · 23/03/2025 18:29

Hmm. I despise Saturday night tv such as BGT and you couldn’t pay me to watch it.

Would he be willing to sit and watch something mutually agreeable like a film or different show?

Goofy03 · 23/03/2025 18:29

If it’s something your kid is excited about (rubbish tv), you feign interest. You don’t enjoy the show but you enjoy their enjoyment of it and being together.
It you asked him to make an effort for your DD what would he say? He needs to be reminded it’s not for your benefit it’s for hers.

KarminaBurana · 23/03/2025 18:32

I remember us sitting through all the Harry Potter films, which we found absolutely tortuous, and chatting about them afterwards!

CarpetKnees · 23/03/2025 18:36

Goofy03 · 23/03/2025 18:29

If it’s something your kid is excited about (rubbish tv), you feign interest. You don’t enjoy the show but you enjoy their enjoyment of it and being together.
It you asked him to make an effort for your DD what would he say? He needs to be reminded it’s not for your benefit it’s for hers.

No, you do that for something like a show or concert or match or competition they are in. Not week after week watching utter tripe that happens to be on the TV.

Yes, you make time to do things with them, but you have to find something that's not excruciating.

Even if you think sitting in the same room watching something on the TV is 'quality family time', then find something to watch that everyone thinks is okay, or take turns to watch something each of you choose.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 23/03/2025 18:39

Tell him that he needs to watch the show one evening per week.

Goofy03 · 23/03/2025 18:41

Excruciating for me would be something genuinely painful. I consider myself to have the strength of character to tolerate a bit of crap tv!

Original poster
Ohlookitsarainbow · 23/03/2025 18:41

I don’t like BGT either, that’s not the point though is it? She likes it

OP posts:
frozendaisy · 23/03/2025 18:42

Yes we do family things together
We play a fair number of games, eat together a lot.

How about starting small, family disco? Everyone gets x3 tunes on Spotify - would your H be interested in sharing some of what he thinks are great songs? Or family Mario cars knockout?

221B Baker Street, can be played as a team against the board. Or just the “would you rather” discussion cards.

The Week junior magazine (subscription gets posted) has a few pages of news all aimed at 7-13 year olds, ours are older teens now but have expressed they want to keep getting it, largely because of debate of the week page, which we all do then guess the “percentage” yes/no of the previous week.

So yes I guess we do a bit as a family but a lot is debate and discussion not board games, which lead to tangents in topics,

And I am shortly going to make them watch a film, which is better since they got older, although think it’s Sonic3 tonight!

MissyB1 · 23/03/2025 18:42

We do quit a lot things together as a family.
Go for long walks
Days out
Meals out
Watch films
Go to the theatre

Some things Dh would struggle with, if it's a tv show he's not that into he will be on his phone. He's been away the last week, so ds (teenager) and I watched Adolescence together and had some great discussions about it. Dh would not have wanted to do that at all, totally not his scene.

Pigeonqueen · 23/03/2025 18:48

If he’s not going to sit and watch something with you then he needs to be making time to do other things with you all. It’s not okay for him just to opt out completely.

We are quite family ish. There’s 4 of us - 2 dc now aged 13 and 22 so family time looks very different for us now with both dc preferring to chat online to their friends and eldest at university a lot of the time etc. But we still go out together, go to the cinema, out for lunch, go on walks. Ds (the 13 year old) comes and sits with us in the evening and chats, he comes out with us at the weekend.

frozendaisy · 23/03/2025 18:51

We wouldn’t watch BGT alone, but have done with the kids. There is the odd great act on it to be fair.

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