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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Told not to lose anymore weight?

41 replies

lovemelikeasaylor · 23/03/2025 17:00

I’ve not told anyone about my weight loss, but it’s at the point where it’s noticeable (4 stone down). I met up with friends yesterday and they commented that “you’re not going to lose anymore are you?!”

I am still overweight.

OP posts:
Feckinlego · 23/03/2025 17:01

Pure jealousy. Why would supposed friends want you to be an unhealthy weight? Well done on your weight loss btw.

TheChosenTwo · 23/03/2025 17:03

Not sure what the point of this post is, what’s your AIBU is really.
If you feel you need to lose more then keep going. Why do other peoples opinions matter more than your health?

cressidahun · 23/03/2025 17:05

I got this all the time when I was loosing weight and it is pure jealousy

Chacja · 23/03/2025 17:06

Fat loves company. I got this a lot from overweight people when I was losing weight.

Iwantmyoldnameback · 23/03/2025 17:08

Well done, what did you do and how long did it take you? If it was quick has it aged you?

Zombella · 23/03/2025 17:09

Might be jealously. Are your friends slim? Some people like to have a 'fat friend' to make them feel better about their own appearance. Or are they also overweight? In which case, they might want you to stay the same as them as losing weight when they're not might be making them envious. Either way, do what makes you feel good about yourself and ignore other people's judgement.

TheDevilWearPrimarni · 23/03/2025 17:09

Well done on losing so much. Take no notice of them because they are just jealous.

JLou08 · 23/03/2025 17:11

If they're usually a good friend this could be coming from a place of concern. If my friend lost a lot of weight quickly I'd probably be worried. I'm not overweight either so nothing to do with jealousy or fat loving company as PPs suggest could be going on. They may be right but I think it depends on what your friend is like as a person.

WeAllHaveWings · 23/03/2025 17:12

It takes a while for friends to get used to the new you. While they do your slimmer face seems unusual to them and perhaps subconsciously make them think you look unwell.

Chubby faces can look younger and some perceive that as healthier.

You know your friends better than us and whether it is concern or jealousy. If you like your friends, I'd give them the benefit of the doubt and assume it's just taking them time to get used to the new you.

Well done on your weight loss.

MakingPlans2025 · 23/03/2025 17:15

Ignore. I get this a lot. I’ve lost five stone and not actively trying to lose anymore but I am still really careful with food as trying to get a tiny bit leaner and build muscle. Do what’s best for you, ignore people who are jealous and/or know nothing about health and nutrition.
and well done for your progress so far.

sweetpickle2 · 23/03/2025 17:16

Nobody’s told you not to lose anymore weight, so YABU there.

Ignore their comments.

Blemin · 23/03/2025 17:17

People can be strangely resistant to others losing weight. Not sure what it's about.

I had an illness and put on some weight - I had never been overweight before - and when I talked about it (not loads) most people argued with me and said I wasn't overweight. ... But I factually was, and it was important to tackle it for my health. It wasn't marginal either: I was over 200 pounds!

I don't really engage in weight or diet talk, so I'd not experienced that before. I found it really really baffling. I'm back to my normal weight now, but I haven't forgotten it. I had never experienced multiple people arguing with me about an indisputable material fact before.

MakingPlans2025 · 23/03/2025 17:17

Btw losing weight doesn’t “age” you. What a load of crap. Being a healthy weight will probably make you live longer.
and if they’re worried that you’ve lost it too quick, they could say, “gosh you’ve lost it very quickly.What’s your plan to maintain it once you’ve reached your goal?” That would be supportive, not just telling you not to lose anymore.

mushroomshroom · 23/03/2025 17:18

I don't think it is always jealously.

ShrinkingAndEmerging · 23/03/2025 17:31

I’ve lost A LOT of weight over the last 3 years and have just one final stone to go until I reach a healthy BMI / BRI. I’ve been getting a few comments recently telling me not to lose any more weight. People seem incapable of understanding that I want to reach a healthy weight and then I’ll start maintaining. They infer that I’m behaving unreasonably and taking weight loss to an extreme. The fact is I’ll be just under the top of my recommended BMI range which seems reasonable to me.

Readeatcake · 23/03/2025 17:33

They don't want you to be the same size as them. If you were fat you find that some people don't like the thought of their formally gat friend being the same size or smaller than them.

Unpaidviewer · 23/03/2025 17:34

I commented about this on a thread the other day. People no longer have a grasp on what a healthy weight looks like. The average size in the UK is a 16 i think which i would guess is overweight/obese for most people.

Whataninterestinglookingpotato · 23/03/2025 17:36

Massive congratulations! 4 stones in a great achievement.

I imagine they’re a bit jealous, especially if they would also like to loose weight. I actually lost a friend when I lost weight. She started making a lot of snide remarks about me looking scrawny and being obsessed with exercise (I’m not) and then just stopped speaking to me. People are weird.

mushroomshroom · 23/03/2025 17:37

Most people don't pay enough attention to someone else's body to notice if a stone puts them in the overweight or healthy BMI category. Most people wouldn't notice if you gained or lost a stone either.

mondaytosunday · 23/03/2025 17:38

Because they are used to seeing you heavier. Ignore it until you are happy yourself. Just smile and do not talk about how much more you want to lose - change the subject.

cramptramp · 23/03/2025 17:39

I don’t think it’s jealousy. I think that maybe they think you are looking drawn or perhaps older. Fat pads our faces out. I’ve lost a lot of weight and I know I look older. But I don’t care, I know I’m healthier and I’ve still got less wrinkles than my friends.

AlwaysCoffee25 · 23/03/2025 17:44

People feel entitled to dictate to you how they think you should look and pass judgments. My mum does this - I’ve only ever been overweight or too slim, she’s never said “you look healthy” I told her to never, ever comment on my weight again and she said “even if its positive” IMO its never positive from people like this. I would recommend doing the same or asking what they mean - as I bet they’ll struggle to justify what they’re saying.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 23/03/2025 17:45

It might be jealousy, but it might just be that they're so used to seeing you at your old size that you do now look underweight to them. I had similar when I lost a lot of weight. I'd just tell them "Actually, I'm still a good stone into the Overweight BMI range, so I've got a way to go yet", and they'd usually reply something like "Blimey, but you look great"

Mummadeze · 23/03/2025 17:46

Ugh, I had this from my two closest colleagues this week. Told me not to lose anymore weight. I have lost 5 stone but am still a size 14/16 with an overweight BMI. Oh, but you are tall they argued. Am not that tall and I need to lose one more stone! Butt out!

varden · 23/03/2025 17:46

It is a bit like the friend who gives up alcohol for health or other reasons. The drinking friends don't like that much either as it shines a light on their own drinking habits.

OP, as long as you are being sensible and not going under your target weight or in danger of developing an ED, keep on trucking. Well done on your achievement.