Husband is deliberately obnoxious

[SpringCleanY]

DH is deliberately obnoxious and says deliberately shocking, offensive stuff to rile me up.

Examples from this morning-

In the car - he stroked my thigh then tried to put his hand further up, pulled it away saying it was wet then sniffed his fingers in disgust/mock disgust saying it smelled mouldy!

Passed a woman in a wheelchair and he commented “There goes wheels!” and made a comment about shaving her head so she could look like the character from a certain avengers film.

Talking about a TV show and he refereed to one character as “Japo” as he couldn’t remember her name (she’s Japanese)

Looked at my upper lip and stroked it saying “I’m just keeping an eye that you don’t grow a moustache” WTF

I said WTF! to all comments and he said I’m no fun anymore, I’m so serious and he can’t have a laugh and a joke with me like he used to!

Also he said you know I’m winding you up, I’m deliberately saying these things to rile you up but you are so serious and he/no fun anymore etc.

What are peoples opinions please? I am getting my ducks in a row and have been putting money aside should we split. I just find him so deliberately obnoxious!

Ltb x

Life's too short to be with a knob like that.

I guess it would be nice if he had a sense of humour, but after all, he’s only 14.

God he’s horrible.
Good you’re planning to leave the fucker.

I detest people who get their kicks by deliberately upsetting others.

He admits he revels in your discomfort. He's a vile creature.

Ew.

He can't always have been like this or you wouldn't have married him, so when and why did he start being so obnoxious? I'm glad you're planning to leave him.

Are you married to Jay from The Inbetweeners?

How do you not physically recoil every time he touches you?

What a twat.

Jesus, how can you be in his company (let alone his bed) without vomiting all over him. He sounds like very kind of male vileness rolled into one. Was he like this from the beginning? Did you used to find it funny? I mean, wtf.

He always manages to twist it where I am the one left feeling like I’m some sort of prude with no sense of humour, like he can’t have fun with me? He’s getting worse though and pushes the boundaries saying the vilest or most offensive things to deliberately wind up - EG - you know I’m joking - I’m doing it to wind you up - god you are so serious/you used to be fun etc.

Does he think he's 12yo and trying to be edgy or something sad like that??! He's appalling. Line up your ducks so you know your options should you need to make a hard decision after you've talked about his behaviour towards you. I sincerely hope you have no DC together. Make sure your contraception is bulletproof.

Omg. What an absolute bellend. Bet he's shit in bed too. I hope you leave him asap.

What are peoples opinions please?

He sounds like an amazing, kind man and I'm surprised with his fantastic sense of humour that he hasn't become an internationally-renowned stand-up comedian. Not.

Do you really have to ask what people's opinions are?

Everything he says is just a massive turn off - on that short car journey he went from joking that I was mouldy 🤢 (I was wearing trousers) to saying god I fancy you so much, I just love your vagina (!) to the rest of the outlandish, offensive comments. Honestly I’ll have to record him one day. Is it normal for men/partners to talk to their wives like that?! It’s so repulsive! What’s banter and what’s plain old offensive stuff? I believe him to be on the spectrum too.

We sleep separately. No sex life. I couldn’t bear it!

So in one morning he was ableist, racist and awful to his Wife… what attracted you to him in the first place OP?

Ugh! My skin is crawling off me looking for somewhere to hide and I am on another continent from him. This is AWFUL.

What I can’t understand is the psychology behind him trying to shock and piss me off. Why would he say all those things? Because he’s a giant knob? Yes probably.

Those first sentences were so TMI I feel sick 🤢 like you don’t have to be so graphic and tell everything

He sounds horrible. All these things are demonstrations of disrespect to other people, including you. Unless you start dishing it back (which would just be lowering yourself to his level) LTB.

Uncool. Not sexy. Ditch him.

Thing is - he would hold his arms up in horror if I called him racist or anything else. He sees no issue with what he says as it’s to deliberately wind me up and he’s not serious etc.

It’s banter when you’re both on the same page, giving as good as you get. It can be objectively offensive but it’s only banter when you’re both in on the joke and being lighthearted.

For example I once jokingly called my stay at home husband “housewife”. Banter. Unfortunately, he misheard, and thought I’d called him “arsewipe”. Objectionable. (Soon sorted out and we had a good laugh ). But that shows the difference I think.

Is it normal for men/partners to talk to their wives like that?!

How can you wonder if it's normal? This indicates you need to work extensively on your self esteem and standards.

Forget analysing this knuckledragger, it's a waste of your life. Only ever date a man who enhances your life, is intelligent and feminist. Or just stay single- statistically, single, childfree women are the happiest section of society.

Errrrm, no, it's not normal.

He's disgusting.