Violent ex partner in new relationship

[Lucaandmum]

My friend told me to stay out of this, but I'm not so sure.

I was with my ex for 6 years, the abuse started around 6/7 months in gaslighting and extreme jealousy. Things got physical later on, although not once did I call the police. He once punched me so hard in my face my tooth went through my lip, I have a scar, again no police called
I finally left in September last year.
He was seeing our son supervised with his mum from September until earlier this month.
I knew he got into a new relationship in October, but I recently found out she has children, 3 in total.
He's been pretty much living there since they have been together and has told me all the violence was my fault, however when I first met him he did disclose his ex was accusing him of hitting her, I believed him of course.
My issue is I know what he is like she's known him for no time, my therapist told me I should tell her about his violence, I told my friend and she said to keep out of it and it might look like I'm bitter, which I am not.
But should I tell her or just call SS?
He once threatened me with a knife, and I had the police called in August by neighbours which lead to me splitting up with him (no ss I lied to the police at the time)
AIBU?

So how did it come about that you told him that you had talked about his girlfriend to your therapist? That's pretty deep stuff to be going into with him.

@56conpatr34 he keeps asking me if I've told my therapist 'stuff' and to forget about it all.
He then asked if he knew that he was in a new relationship, I told him yes I'm no longer lying for him.

So are you both still quite close if your speaking to him about your therapist and him confiding in you that he has cheated on his girlfriend? When are you having these conversations ?

Don't contact the new girlfriend at all, because it's highly likely she won't believe you and will tell him. That then puts you at a real risk of being hurt. The Claire's Law will flag up that he's got a record for GBH on a stranger but unless any previous girlfriend's have reported him for domestic violence, then there's nothing to show. He could easily weedle his way out of the GBH incident. In theory if a woman found out her new boyfriend has a criminal record as long as her arm, it should raise red flags, but sadly in a lot of cases it doesn't. It's explained away, excuses are made and lies are told, which are believed. By all means report your concerns to the NSPCC, without giving your details but there's little else you can do after that.

Leave it be. If he’s abusive, his new partner will soon know. 🤷‍♀️

@56conpatr34 not close at all. His mum was the person who told me about his new relationship back in November, almost to rub it in my face. He was seeing my son supervised with his mum from September so all contact was through her.

In late February I disclosed to her that I was having therapy/booking sessions and her reply was "what do you need that for, move on he has" I'm assuming she told him.
He started to have unsupervised access from the 1st of this month, I continue to drop my son at his mum's 2 Saturdays a month. From may he will meet me at a train station.
The only time we speak is when I drop him off outside his mother's house
I changed my number back in October and so he.
We have a parenting app that we use.
I prefer to drop my son because I think if he picks him up from mine he will try to come in and I don't want the hassle.
We aren't close the first time I saw him since September was 1st March this year

If I found out that my son was abusive, I'd be fking mortified and so ashamed. Can't believe she talked to you like that.

Oh they do! My ex smacked me so hard my face rebounded on the metal bed frame. His mother said I deserved it.

So you've just started unsupervised access with your own child but your also considering going to the police or NSPCC because your that worried about his girlfriend's children?? It's not making sense.

So is your son left alone with this violent man op?

@56conpatr34 I spoke to my solicitor, she said supervised for 6 months if I didn't go to court.
He's unsupervised in terms of his mum isn't always there now, she's been with him since September every day but they both asked if he could stay at home for the time being but she wouldn't be around as much.
Again I spoke with solicitor and she said, this was reasonable considering he's had access to his son in the past and if we went to court they would suggest something similar.
So yes, the 2 days a month he sees him, for 3/4 hours are at his mother's house, sometimes she is there sometimes she isn't.
I collect and drop off.

I'm worried because he's lying to her, I know what he's like. Like I said I'm not sure what to do.

@susiedaisy1912 again, from speaking with my solicitor, she advised if I went through the courts he would get access, and I didn't want to loose control of that. So I done it in a safe way
The solictor said 2 things
Has he ever directly hurt our son - answer is no
He's he have parental responsibility - yes
The courts would favour that, so I agreed to his mother supervising until 6 months and revisit.
It's a little less supervised but he sees him 3/4 hours each time no over nights

Stop talking to him and his mum about stuff. Thet arent your friends. Only talk about your child. End of. They only need to know about him. You need to shut the conversations down.

Your worried because he's lying to her? She will find out what he's like soon enough if not already, its then up to her to decide what she does.

I agree with your friend and would stay out of it. For starters she won’t believe you.

so did you get put on police record his illegal actions during your relationship?

My dd was in a relationship with a violent and abusive man. When she escaped and was safe, her friends and I made a point of stalking him on social
media and warning every new woman in his life.There were many, he was very charismatic.No idea what they did with the information,but at least they had it.

Don't get involved you'll just look like a crazy ex.

She'll have to find out the hard way.