Violent ex partner in new relationship

[Lucaandmum]

My friend told me to stay out of this, but I'm not so sure.

I was with my ex for 6 years, the abuse started around 6/7 months in gaslighting and extreme jealousy. Things got physical later on, although not once did I call the police. He once punched me so hard in my face my tooth went through my lip, I have a scar, again no police called
I finally left in September last year.
He was seeing our son supervised with his mum from September until earlier this month.
I knew he got into a new relationship in October, but I recently found out she has children, 3 in total.
He's been pretty much living there since they have been together and has told me all the violence was my fault, however when I first met him he did disclose his ex was accusing him of hitting her, I believed him of course.
My issue is I know what he is like she's known him for no time, my therapist told me I should tell her about his violence, I told my friend and she said to keep out of it and it might look like I'm bitter, which I am not.
But should I tell her or just call SS?
He once threatened me with a knife, and I had the police called in August by neighbours which lead to me splitting up with him (no ss I lied to the police at the time)
AIBU?

I think I'm just going to leave it, I don't think it matters what I say to her, she won't believe me.
Thank you to everyone. Lesson learned I should have reported him.

I thought the issue here was her children. Children in the same house as a violent man with a long history.

Your friend is right - prioritise your safety and only make an anonymous call if you must.

I would make an appointment with my local police station and see what they advise.
The police in my area are amazing, I would trust them with this.

It’s not too late to report him.

I agree that you could get police advice.

If it's any consolation it probably wouldn't have made a difference I know someone who was arrested for raping her friend so she just HAD to get involved with him his ex messaged the school detailing his recent arrest history and suggested clares law for her she literally quit her job instead moved away taking her kids with her moving schools too

Fucking ridiculous

I am sorry but this is awful. The new woman could be seriously injured or killed. Same for her children or in the very least, psychologically harmed.
OP shouldn’t put herself or her son in danger but I don’t I could stay silent knowing what he has done.
Hopefully some of the options other PPs have suggested will get the message across - perhaps not telling the new woman directly.

Have you got a local Are We Dating The Same Guy fb page? If so, put an anonymous post, with his photo, warning anyone. No one will know it's you, even if she doesn't see it, a friend might and tell her.

No need to go into details, just photo, first name and say red flags, recommend Claire's Law check

Do a Claire’s law request on her behalf or report to the NSPCC as people have said. Don’t do nothing.

Tell her. Of course tell her.

If she lives to tell the tale ....

Be ashamed.

@noworklifebalance I think if I messaged her directly, he would go mad and potentially come after me, especially when he's had a drink.
He's suggested to me that she's been in a violent relationship/bad relationship.
He's begged me not to say anything. Even way I don't think she would walk, he's already cheated on her and she stayed.

He's blamed me for everything, said I wound him up. I admit I was an angel but the gaslighting started long before we were living together and things got really bad after my son was born.
I wanted the relationship to work and everything became "normal" I'm ashamed to say.

@comoatoupeira I'll do this, I'm off work on Friday.
I'm so torn, I don't want to put myself in danger but at the same time, I couldn't live with myself.

His mum knows what happened, she's not said a word to her, obviously.

The mums always are in on it with guys like this. They get controlled as well.

you can do it! But do it hand in hand with police.
what an amazing thing to have done, to have protected this woman and her children

I agree, that’s why I said perhaps not message her directly - sorry if it wasn’t clear.

Glad that you are no longer in that relationship- stay safe 💪

Spoke to my friend she's going to come to the police with me on Friday, she still doesn't think it's a good decision though.
She said she's known him 6 months and pretty much moved him in, he's there every night she will just see it as me making things up trying to sabotage the relationship.

He hardly sees our son now, just 2 days a month 3/4 hours each day. He's not a good dad but my son adores him, he introduced his gf 2 months into the relationship, after they declared love for each other.
I think she's really vulnerable, I have to do something really.

I think you're making a mistake. I think you should contact child safeguarding anonymously. Explain his abuse to you and his history. Make it clear that he's a danger to his girlfriend and her children will witness or experience abuse.

And if nothing happens to her daughters

Could you phone the NSPCC and withhold your number.
Tell them your concerned about children being around a womans new partner who has a history of violence?.
You dont have to give your identity and they will get social services involved.
His new partner really should know about what he did.

If you go through the NSPCC they will contact the childrens dad.

@CheekyPombear I get the feeling dad isn't in the picture, he hasn't mentioned him at all.
I might be wrong but I have a gut feeling he isn't.

I'm going to call nspcc today and see what they say and then potentially go to the police.

He doesn't pay for our son neither, I'm currently going through CMS.
He said to me yesterday " why don't you want me to be happy, forget everything that's happened in 6 years"
"Sorry for out toxic relationship"
"Why are you mentioning my gf to your therapist, it's nothing to do with them"
He has no concept of what he has done wrong.

Make sure you tell the NSPCC you want to make an anonymous report because they show the perpetrator what you say.