To want a dry wake for my sister?

[Welshyma]

My sister passed away 2 weeks ago. Her funeral is in 3 weeks and we haven’t organised her wake yet as we can’t find a venue without a bar serving alcohol.
Some of the people attending are recovering alcoholics and us close family don’t want to see people drinking at her wake.
We can’t find any caterers who would cater tea, coffee and soft drinks or any venue without a bar. Any ideas?

Tea rooms, town halls, community centres, church halls, coffee shops, maybe?

I'm sure someone will cater sandwiches in your local area - we have at least three such options in my small town run by ladies from their kitchens at home and I bet they would run an urn for you - or perhaps an order from M&S, Morrisons or similar for platters, and only offer cold drinks not hot?

It’s a wake though. Not a randon event.
I really don’t think a wake ‘needs’ alcohol to be served.

When my FIL died, we used the village hall.
Food was a mix if stuff bought at the (good) butcher down the road and some catered stuff.
One person handled the tea making. Bottles on the tables.
Same person organised the cleaning at the end (everything in the bin, cups for tea washed) whilst we went to the crematorium.

sorry for your loss , I assume your D S passed with alcoholic complications ?

Why don’t you ask the recovering alcoholics what they would recommend/ prefer? Alcohol is everywhere they may not want arrangements to be made around them?

you can hire just about anywhere school halls
private homes, library’s, museums art gallery , cafe?

Baptist as well as Methodist Church Halls are TT.

I'm sorry for your loss, OP. Sports clubs frequently have secure bars (eg grilles across the actual bar bit) to stop members and randoms from sneaking in and helping themselves when the bar isn't open... This means they can often rent out their space with or without the bar, as needed. A decent caterer should be able to sort tea, coffee and soft drinks as well as food.

Totally fine op, church hall or community centre or someone's home would be the easiest way around this. So sorry for your loss.

We had our mams funeral do in a pub, a full meal with tea or coffee, no alcohol served, we did the same for mil. If anyone wanted a drink they could buy one, but most people were driving so it wasn't an issue.

We hired a local cafe

We had my Dad's in a church hall. No alcohol in sight.
We ordered trays of sandwiches and some cakes from a local sandwich shop. Some friends of my Dad's made all the teas and coffees. We were able to use the tea making facilities in the church hall and use their crockery too.

The funeral wasn't at that church, it was at another church beforehand (one without a church hall) and there was no problem with us booking and using the hall even though the funeral service hadn't been held there.

Sorry for your loss. You're best bet is to hire a church or village hall and get outside caterers in. Then members of your family or friends can serve the tea/coffee. Hire of the hall almost always allows you use of their kitchen, urn and crockery etc.

I've been to a wake at a crematorium where they offered catering and that was no alcohol served. Check if your venue does this.

I'm very sorry for your loss - this is a difficult one I agree.
Your best bet is a village hall, or church hall and arrange your own catering.
Failing that, maybe a local guest house with a dining room may oblige. Many of these don't have alcohol licences.

I wish you luck, OP. How anyone would want to drink at a funeral or wake is beyond me.

Can you share where you are, I am sure the united powet of mumsnet can find you a venue.

My inlaws are teatotal and have hosted a number of family gatherings at dry venues.

Why is it a problem if other people choose to drink? If they’re that tempted then they can’t have been in recovery long. I say this as a non-drinker who comes from a family of alcoholics (besides my mum!)
My brother is recovering and he says that being around people drinking strengthens his resolve….

Village hall or family home, order some platters of food from M&S- it will be cheaper than catering.

Not everyone recovers in the same way or has the same feelings around it.

I'd personally suggest that if someone can't cope with attending a wake without needing alcohol, maybe they are the one with the problem.

My mum's funeral tea was held in a hotel. We had a small function/meeting room and it didn't have a bar. Was at one lately in same hotel. They held it in the dining room of the hotel again no bar. Speaking to someone this morning talking about children's parties and they told me about someone she knew was hiring a church hall. They were told no alcohol was permitted.

Church hall, village hall- you provide the drinks so you control what is there

If you private hire a venue you just request they don’t serve alcohol and tell them the circumstance. Usually they’ll have a minimum spend (which alcohol quickly racks up to) and you just pay it off instead. If you don’t want any alcohol you could try town/village hall. Or a hotel. sorry for your loss

I’d just have it at home, most people stand and do tea and cakes

I would also let people know it going to be dry funeral do anyone triggered by alcohol can come comfortably and others who really want a drink can pop to pub first or be prepared , I am a hardly ever drinker but I’d really be wanting one after a funeral

My condolences. In view of what you say I would go further and - on the invitations - would add "We will not be serving alcohol and ask that you do not bring or consume alcohol"

@Welshyma

Try hotel function rooms.

Also our local football stadium had conference rooms that often cater funerals, it actually costs extra for them to open the bar so many choose the soft/hot drinks option!