To want a dry wake for my sister?

[Welshyma]

My sister passed away 2 weeks ago. Her funeral is in 3 weeks and we haven’t organised her wake yet as we can’t find a venue without a bar serving alcohol.
Some of the people attending are recovering alcoholics and us close family don’t want to see people drinking at her wake.
We can’t find any caterers who would cater tea, coffee and soft drinks or any venue without a bar. Any ideas?

Google funeral tea then your area

I would mske sure you provide some soft drinks s well as tea and coffee though as not everyone drinks tea and coffee.

All my relatives' funerals have been either at village halls or at home, with caterers providing sandwiches etc, and friends and family manning the coffee and tea provision.

My understanding is not so much the venue, but how to get it catered for. If you book a church hall, you will still need to provide the food. I am guessing the caterers you have asked are wanting to include alcohol as part of the package for the profit.

My suggestion would be to either provide platters from M&S etc, or ask local bakeries if they do this and can deliver to your chosen venue.

But I am surprised that you HAVE to have alcohol, even if you book a room in a pub or hotel. I would have thought they could just provide tea/coffee.

I'm sorry for your bereavement.
There will be a church or village hall, or small restaurant somewhere near you that doesn't have an alcohol license that you are able to hire. Either the funeral director will know of somewhere, or perhaps the people who facilitate the Al-Anon meetings might know of somewhere.
Failing that, explain to the hotel why you want a dry bar. There are all sorts of alternatives they can offer.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I would try a local church/guide/village hall and just do the catering yourself. They'll have hot/cold water and facilities to heat up things as well.

We held my dad's wake at a local community centre and asked a local takeaway to provide a hot buffet. By the time people returned from the burial, it was past 5pm so we served an early dinner instead.

We also went to costco & bought cakes, teas, coffees and soft drinks.

I’m sorry for your loss OP.
Look for Muslim caters OP, ask around your south East Asian friends. Or if you have any friends who work in large offices ask who they use - there are plenty of daytime carers doing large events.

otherwise you might be able to find a cafe who will cater sandwiches cakes and drinks

We had my mum’s wake at a local bowls club and bought in M and S sandwich platters and had cream cakes and tea - sorry for the loss of your sister

Is there a funeral director involved?

They might have an idea?

I run a community centre and we often have catered wakes. Proper kitchen for brews etc.

Church hall, scout halls, local cafe?

For my Nanna’s we hired the room above her fave cafe and just had a buffet and tea / coffee. It was lovely and relaxed and very ‘her’.

Could you ask for two areas of the bar- one for alcohol and one for none? This way booking a venue will much easier, those who don't drink can get a soft drink easily and those that drink can raise a final toast.

They don’t want alcohol at all though due to the number of alcoholics attending who would feel uncomfortable. I don’t see how this would meet the need?

Fair enough but I've been at events with dry and wet bars and actually it makes everyone comfortable. The dry bar has a lot of camaraderie and there isn't temptation or stress.

Wakes aren't really about "making everybody comfortable" though, especially when there are alcoholics attending.

Church hall then get catering from a local sandwich shop or even an Indian/similar restaurant to cater

Have you thought about other 'social' venues where alcohol isn't the main business - so thinking things like a golf club or a bowls club or a cricket club? Sometimes they have quite nice club house where you can hold events and usually a nice view of a green lawn.

I had my sisters wake at my house, and we bought platters from Morrisons the day before and a load of soft drinks.

Have you asked if a place with a bar would only sell soft drinks? I’ve been to a wake where there was a sign at the bar saying that alcohol wouldn’t be being served.

I’m not sure where you live or how many people will be attending, but try looking at Halal venue’s.
Sorry for your loss x

We've been to funerals where the wake was held in:

The cafe of a garden centre.

At home.
Community Centre.
British Legion Hall.

Sorry for your loss OP. I'm not alcoholic but my father was which has left me with some issues, one if them being wakes (long story). As such I have made it perfectly clear there hasn't to be one when I die. Do you all definitely want a wake?

Do you need caterers? You could book a hall or use one of your homes and either manage by yourselves or hire a couple of local young people to serve soft drinks and hand round platters of food, and clear up.