What is it like to have a good mum?

[cheekycee]

what is it like having a Good mother?
I mean this wanting 0 sympathy etc please don’t get me wrong.
it’s just I sat down this evening and thought… well I actually have no one to go to with my problems or to vent to. But is that not usually your mum? Then I thought, I wonder what’s it’s like to have the feeling of having a “mum”. My mum is alive. In fact I live with her (temporarily due to fleeing DV) but she doesn’t speak to me (not important).
im a great mum to my kids and always will be as although I don’t know what it is like to have a good mum I definitely don’t want them to wonder what it is like also.
is it really like having a best friend? Does your mum help you out? Give advice etc? Make you feel loved etc?? Just curious :)

Oh great question. I would also love to know.

It was amazing & I miss her so much

I’m sorry you’re in this boat also. Hopefully you have someone in your life to make you feel loved x

❤️

Fucked if I know….mine buggered off when I was 5.

God knows. She and my spineless father set yhd blueprint for how I thought I deserved to be treated.

you can imagine how thats gone

Both of my parents have passed away and I'm 35 my parents was always there for me
Is there any way at all you can try do things with your mum spend time together

She's not my best friend and I don't want her to be, but I know that she absolutely loves me and would give her right arm for me or my brother or her grandchildren. She always wants the best for me. She hasn't always understood my choices but she has always, always loved me. I have always felt utterly sure of that.

I’m so sorry😞💔. I hope you find peace one day

She’s abusive towards me and my belongings and very neglectful. There’s no resuscitating our relationship at this stage. She’s 64 in 30

Mine left me to live in another country when I was 10. We still send each other emails every few weeks but it’s all very much small talk.

She hasn’t been to visit me or my siblings for 10+ years and didn’t come to my wedding.

I don’t think she was meant to be a mum and she doesn’t see what she’s done as wrong.

I hope you manage to heal and realise that your worth isn’t calculated by how your mother views or treats you.

That’s so lovely I’m so glad you felt that from your mother and no questions about the fact you felt loved. I love that! 🥰

@cheekycee i think sometimes no matter how much you love your mum, you have to go low or no contact. Hard as it is

I am so sorry you went through that. That must have been so hard for you and your siblings. I’m glad that you have now found love though and I hope you’re happily married.

Same - DM has been gone for nearly 13 years & I miss her everyday. Since having children of my own it’s been even harder, wishing I could talk to her about being a mother, about what my brother & I were like, & just to get that unconditional love & support.

Why don't you suggest going to see her what would happen?

I’m sorry to hear that❤️. I’m sure she would be proud of how you’re doing as a mother x

The poster May feel hurt and neglected. I know I would. The mother left them to find their own life. Why should they now uproot again to make amends they did not do… my opinion

That's really sad your treated that way 😞

It depends on your view of a "good mum". What you describe doesn't reflect my mum or our relationship but she's a fantastic mother! She (and my dad) do so much for us, especially when it comes to the kids and child care. So she makes us feel loved through deeds and actions, not words (as she's not particularly emotional). She's not my best friend and if I have a problem or need to vent, my husband or close friends are my first port of call. I wouldn't ask for advice from her either but that's not a bad thing - it's just not her forte and I would go to my dad for that (if it was practical advice).

You can get different things from different people. A mother doesn't necessarily fulfill all roles.

I loved my mother and definitely benefitted from her love, admiration, and social wisdom. I miss that companionship now that she is 92 and has dementia. But I rapidly outraced her in some ways and am a better mother than she was and have a great relationship with my two dds. It wasn’t like having a best friend but it was close and deeply sustaining. It sounds like on top of having a terrible mother you are also escaping from DV so this might sound wrong but a great marital relationship can be just as sustaining as a good parental one—if your partner is capable of the kind of firm love that the ideal mother offers. I wish you may safely leave your mother’s house and blossom into a new life where you will be showered with love and affection!

They are dead to me - that’s the best peace I can wish for.

I hope you will be ok x

I don't know. My mum was an alcoholic and our relationship was really hard - now I don't see her.

The bit that worries me is, how do you know if you're being a good mum? I adore my kids and do my best for them - but I sometimes wonder if I am a good mum to them. If you asked her, I think my own mum would have said she was a good mum. .

My mum died last year. And when she died I realised I'd lost my biggest cheerleader. Don't get me wrong, I have great friends and a wonderful husband but my Mum was so ridiculously proud of everything I did or achieved. I came from a very deprived background and she worked so hard to give me a good life. I am professionally very successful now and I know she loved to brag about me and my job to her friends because it meant, in some small way, she'd succeeded too. I miss her endlessly.

Really lovely. I’ve always felt safe because I know if I need to I can go back home to my mum and she’ll help me, even now at 40+ years old, I think it’s given me the confidence to go out into the world and try things because I know someone’s always got my back. If I’m ever down it’s always her I want to speak to, she knows how to talk me down and make me feel better. I dread the day when she isn’t here, but I know I’ve been so lucky to have her, and I’m so sorry your mum hasn’t been able to give you the same.