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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Work colleague said she wants to s**g my husband

59 replies

HanJ25 · 21/03/2025 17:34

Work social last night. I’m currently on mat leave and was in the office for a keeping in touch day followed by a meal and drinks after.

I was driving as I’m still breast feeding and didn’t feel like having more than one drink.

Meal was lovely and a group of about 6/7 of us (all female) went to a bar after for drinks (I’d had a wine with my food so wasn’t drinking by this point).

One of my younger colleagues had clearly enjoyed a few drinks as she was turning the conversation quite sexual. No issue at this point, I’m not a prude and wasn’t really contributing to the discussion.

However, she then asked me whether I’m having much sex now I’m nearly 10 months post partum. I gave the briefest answer I could, that both of us being sleep deprived and getting to grips being new parents meant there wasn’t much ‘us’ time.

She then said something similar to - ‘I’d be all over your DH. I wouldn’t care if I was tired, I’d just lie on my back and take it from him, no need to do any work. If he got bored of that position then I’d just bend over, that can be relaxing too’

I was pretty speechless at this, and no one else said anything either apart from one colleague (also drunk) who laughed and said ‘he’s a bit of alright isn’t he’.

They have never even seen DH in person, he’s in some photos with me online but doesn’t have his own profile anywhere which he would update.

I left soon after and still feel really upset, I’m not the most confident as it is currently and they made me feel utter crap. I am dreading going back to work in a couple of months and seeing them to be honest.

OP posts:
pizzaHeart · 21/03/2025 22:33

PiastriThePastry · 21/03/2025 17:39

She was inappropriate, disrespectful to your relationship and, frankly, embarrassing in the way she spoke about your husband but I don’t see why it should have an effect on the way you’re feeling about yourself. And you certainly shouldn’t be dreading going back to work based on this. She embarrassed herself, not you!

This^
I don’t think anyone will be able to look at her the same again. I would certainly avoid a colleague who behaved like this. She showed herself to be such an idiot.

Mylittlebobble · 21/03/2025 23:04

I'd leave it for now, and give her the benefit of the doubt. If she said any other comments in the future, I'd be telling her that she's crossed a line. Her problem - not yours.

People are bizarre though. I've got a few comments that drunk colleagues have said that live in my head. Not that they upset me, more that I can't believe they said it. One colleague told me that it was hard for her to stay faithful because she was so conventionally attractive that men always came on to her. That one pops up quite often. 😆

Mylittlebobble · 21/03/2025 23:05

...she was very attractive. But it was the saying it out loud bit to me which was the wtf moment.

Visun · 21/03/2025 23:23

How embarrassing for her. Bet she'll cringe when she sobers up (or remembers it years later when she's on maternity leave). It's clearly touched a nerve for you right now, but just try to laugh it off. She was drunk, young and doesn't have a clue!

Be honest, have you ever said or done anything embarrassing when you were pissed? I know I have! Cut her some slack and just forget about it.

OverpricedCupcake · 21/03/2025 23:23

Bet she's dying of embarrassment now.
I'd honestly forget about it.

Penguinmouse · 21/03/2025 23:30

You shouldn’t be embarrassed OP. You’ve done nothing wrong - your colleague overstepped by even asking about your postpartum sex life and then REALLY overstepped by saying what she did.

Please try not to feel bad about how much or how little you’re having sex after giving birth not even a year ago and still breastfeeding. I would hope your colleague would be absolutely mortified the next morning when she wakes up hungover with beer fear. If you feel uncomfortable about returning to this sort of environment, I would raise that that conversation made you feel really uncomfortable and you won’t be discussing DH at work again. Do feel you can raise formally as well if you choose to.

ThisLimeShaker · 21/03/2025 23:37

I'd rip the piss out of her for that when she is sober. She'd hate it. Not in a you can't have my husband way / you're nothing way, but in a how it was utterly inappropriate and what else does she say when drunk way. In a subtle dig at not being able to handle her drink. It'd be brilliant as she won't remember and you can hint she was even more outrageous - she won't know.

WaryHiker · 21/03/2025 23:37

You need to work on your boundaries. Just because someone asks you an inappropriate question about your sex life doesn't mean you're forced to answer it. The time to shut down that conversation was when she asked how much sex you were having.

BrandonFlowersEyesWithEyeliner · 22/03/2025 00:02

WaryHiker · 21/03/2025 23:37

You need to work on your boundaries. Just because someone asks you an inappropriate question about your sex life doesn't mean you're forced to answer it. The time to shut down that conversation was when she asked how much sex you were having.

This is a really good point actually

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