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Original poster

Work colleague said she wants to s**g my husband

59 replies

HanJ25 · 21/03/2025 17:34

Work social last night. I’m currently on mat leave and was in the office for a keeping in touch day followed by a meal and drinks after.

I was driving as I’m still breast feeding and didn’t feel like having more than one drink.

Meal was lovely and a group of about 6/7 of us (all female) went to a bar after for drinks (I’d had a wine with my food so wasn’t drinking by this point).

One of my younger colleagues had clearly enjoyed a few drinks as she was turning the conversation quite sexual. No issue at this point, I’m not a prude and wasn’t really contributing to the discussion.

However, she then asked me whether I’m having much sex now I’m nearly 10 months post partum. I gave the briefest answer I could, that both of us being sleep deprived and getting to grips being new parents meant there wasn’t much ‘us’ time.

She then said something similar to - ‘I’d be all over your DH. I wouldn’t care if I was tired, I’d just lie on my back and take it from him, no need to do any work. If he got bored of that position then I’d just bend over, that can be relaxing too’

I was pretty speechless at this, and no one else said anything either apart from one colleague (also drunk) who laughed and said ‘he’s a bit of alright isn’t he’.

They have never even seen DH in person, he’s in some photos with me online but doesn’t have his own profile anywhere which he would update.

I left soon after and still feel really upset, I’m not the most confident as it is currently and they made me feel utter crap. I am dreading going back to work in a couple of months and seeing them to be honest.

OP posts:
BlondiePortz · 21/03/2025 18:23

So because someone says something doesn't make it happen, I would say to her he has more respect than that and move on it doesn't have to be about you

But i don't see why hormones need to be blamed again

Whatwillido2 · 21/03/2025 18:25

While it’s a totally inappropriate thing to say try not to take offence as they clearly envy you and think your husband is handsome howver he is married to you!
id probably have loved to have said something like glad your not me then as you’re not his type etc but likely wouldn’t have!
i was had a colleague say she was gobmasked when she’d seen a photo of the two of us on holiday, couldn’t believe we were together and wouldn’t put us together etc. I asked why … asshe was clearly implying that he was better looking ( he likely is!) and she answered well he’s very handsome isn’t he, to which I responded yes and he thinks I’m great too ! I couldn’t believe the cheek!!
some people don’t know the difference between thinking thoughts and saying thoughts! I’m sure your colleague will regret that when she wakes up!

Original poster
HanJ25 · 21/03/2025 18:28

She has a boyfriend too which makes me laugh, I doubt he’d be happy with her speaking like that!

OP posts:
SwordOfOmens · 21/03/2025 18:32

My husband is sexy as hell, any woman that said that in earshot of me would get a high five and "it's true, he is gorgeous! He married me and I get to shaggy him any time I want"

GroovyChick87 · 21/03/2025 18:32

If you've got a handsome husband, then people will notice. It's on her that she overstepped the mark but I'd just ignore it. I don't think that she was saying she'd shag him behind your back, I think she meant rather that if she was you that's what she'd do. She still overstepped the mark and it was embarrassing for her and inappropriate.

IlooklikeNigella · 21/03/2025 18:36

She didn't mean anything derogatory by it and it wasn't a personal slight on you. She was in drunken high spirits, trying to be funny and missed the mark. She would expect you to be complimented as she'd be flattered to hear that said about her boyfriend.

Forget about it. Likely she woke up the next morning in the firm grip of The Fear as it won't be the only inappropriate thing that came out of her mouth.

Original poster
HanJ25 · 21/03/2025 19:00

IlooklikeNigella · 21/03/2025 18:36

She didn't mean anything derogatory by it and it wasn't a personal slight on you. She was in drunken high spirits, trying to be funny and missed the mark. She would expect you to be complimented as she'd be flattered to hear that said about her boyfriend.

Forget about it. Likely she woke up the next morning in the firm grip of The Fear as it won't be the only inappropriate thing that came out of her mouth.

I may have been complimented if she called him handsome, but a graphic description of what she wanted him to do to her was over the line in my opinion

OP posts:
MasterBeth · 21/03/2025 19:03

It's absolutely over the line, but that's her problem, not yours.

JustSawJohnny · 21/03/2025 19:06

She sounds incredibly desperate and immature but I'd be dropping her a message to let her know that her comments on your private life were an enormous overstep and that if she ever says anything like that to you again you'll be reporting her to HR, drunk or not. Her comments were in no way 'brush off-able' or tongue in cheek, they were invasive and graphic.

If you sit back and take shit like this it ramps, OP.

Stand up for yourself.

Thegreyestate · 21/03/2025 19:29

It sounds like a compliment delivered in an immature and drunken way. I bet she wants the ground to swallow her now!!!

It doesn't sound like it was anything directed about you and I would try not to let it impact your self confidence or anything (easier said than done!)

fruitbrewhaha · 21/03/2025 19:45

Gosh what a crass idiot she is. If you wanted to you’d be entitled to raise this with hr or management. This is a social event with work, it’s an extension of the workplace and this crap is not acceptable. Can you imagine if a bunch of males coworkers were out drinking and one of them starting talking like this about another’s wife, “yeah I’d do her like this”. Er no.

She needs to be told to grow the fuck up.

gannett · 21/03/2025 21:22

Obviously she was uncouth (and very unprofessional!) but I don't really understand why it made you feel like shit. I would just feel quite smug at having a hot husband, in your shoes.

Hoppinggreen · 21/03/2025 21:30

All of these people who say you should take it as a compliment - would you be as happy about it if your husbands work colleague described having sex with you in such detail?
Its just grim and in no way a compliment (although I am sure your H is lovely OP)

Apillthatmakesyousayalltherightstuff · 21/03/2025 21:32

Bleugh. The bent over comment. Tell me he's fit but I don't want to hear the graphic details. I'd be cool but make a gentle dig about minding manners...

BrandonFlowersEyesWithEyeliner · 21/03/2025 21:39

I'd take it as a compliment! You chose well !

I couldn't get too worked up about it. She was pissed up and got loose lipped.

If it was someone much closer to home like your sister or best mate , I'd be slightly more concerned. But if it's someone who's not coming into regular contact with your DH, just forget it.

I mean this in a non offensive way : but I think this has tapped into your own insecurities at this vulnerable time (young baby, post baby body, no time or inclination for sex, and a 'dry' period) it's suddenly probably made you feel aware that you're not having much sex and someone has reminded you that your DH is a sexual being.

Don't overthink it. Things will get back on track for you and your DH. Babies are bloody gorgeous, but they are all consuming. Most new mothers aren't swinging from chandeliers with their partners.

As for her comment, just think no more of it now. She'll be mortified when she wakes up

BrandonFlowersEyesWithEyeliner · 21/03/2025 21:42

fruitbrewhaha · 21/03/2025 19:45

Gosh what a crass idiot she is. If you wanted to you’d be entitled to raise this with hr or management. This is a social event with work, it’s an extension of the workplace and this crap is not acceptable. Can you imagine if a bunch of males coworkers were out drinking and one of them starting talking like this about another’s wife, “yeah I’d do her like this”. Er no.

She needs to be told to grow the fuck up.

Fucking hell! 'raise it with HR'. Christ, I wouldn't want you on my team !

That's bloody cowardly. If you have a problem with someone, the adult thing is to actually raise it with that person first ! Then you escalate up if you get no joy !

As for reporting a colleagues drunken back hander about your DH being a big of a looker, no way !

Onlyvisiting · 21/03/2025 21:46

She was gross and inappropriate as she was making sexual comments about your husband. I don't really see why it would make YOU feel bad though, it wasn't a comment against you or really about you at all I dont think, it was a very tasteless way of saying she is attracted to your husband.

SatyrTights · 21/03/2025 21:48

MasterBeth · 21/03/2025 19:03

It's absolutely over the line, but that's her problem, not yours.

Yes, I wouldn’t give it another thought. She was being dopey and drunk. Her issue.

McGregor33 · 21/03/2025 21:52

She’s probably thought it would be a compliment, drunkenly not realising how disrespectful it was to you. She might potentially wake up feeling regretful in which case she should apologise for overstepping the line.

Lanifers · 21/03/2025 22:05

She sounds very immature and obviously has all the harsh realities of motherhood awaiting her later in life if she becomes a mum. Don’t let it get to you. It’s a shame women can’t support each other. Some young women are clueless about what it’s like to be older.

Sassybooklover · 21/03/2025 22:06

Assuming your work colleague remembers what she said to you regarding your husband, she should be mortified. Thinking someone's partner is attractive is one thing, telling his other half you'd like to shag him, is quite another! She was highly inappropriate, disrespectful and bloody rude, but she was obviously very drunk too. I'm guessing sober, this colleague wouldn't have dreamt of making such a statement to you? If that's the case, then you need to put it down to inappropriate drunk behaviour. With a bit of luck, another colleague will reminder her what she said to you, and if anyone should dread you coming back to work, it's her! Your husband chose to marry and have a child with you, no one else. That means, he loves and wants to be with you. You have every right to be annoyed with your colleague, but don't let it upset you. Your colleague clearly has zero understanding of parenthood either!!!

PeriPeriMam · 21/03/2025 22:14

You're not hormonal for finding this comment unpalatable. Imagine if that was a male colleague talking about someone's wife, nobody would be ok with that. If she doesn't wake up feeling mortified and apologies, have a chat to her maybe, but not if it'll stress you out more.

Ariela · 21/03/2025 22:20

Was she actually saying that about your husband specifically, or rather crudely trying to give you relationship advice in a 'if I were you, I would be doing this...' sort of way?

Overhaul54 · 21/03/2025 22:20

She was just pissed and thinking about sex in a general sense. She’s not even met your husband.

You’re feeling bad because you aren’t having sex. You aren’t a service bot. Have sex when you feel sexy (that’s as much up to your husband as you).

meganorks · 21/03/2025 22:31

Well it's definitely inappropriate. But she sounds like she was hammered and either won't remember or will and will be absolutely mortified! If she hasn't even met him, sounds like she's seen a picture and commented to someone he's hot and now in her pissed up state thinks it's funny to tell you. But has gone wildly overboard! You might want to give her a wide berth in future, but you don't actually have to see her for months I wouldn't worry about it.