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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU here? Friends rants.

70 replies

PowerInvestedIn · 20/03/2025 23:14

For context, im currently in hospital with my 6mo DD, who has a suspected case of severe flu. In the last 44 hours her temperature won't go below 40, she's not drank more than 500ml of water or milk, hasn't slept at all and is more crying than she is silent. I'm obviously very worried and running on empty right now.

My friend has messaged a few times and is annoyed that my replies aren't fast and I'm apparently not responding/listening to her correctly. I admit my responses are pretty brief but she's clearly in a depressive state and all she is sending are lengthy woeful rants. I have told her that I'm preoccupied with DD right now but this evening she has turned nasty and said some quite hurtful things. For example, she said I'm a disgusting shameful person who said I should be at home bathing DD and giving her fruit not taking up hospital space and poisoning her with medicine. How I'm a disgrace of a mother and if DD dies I will only have myself to blame, as it will "teach me a lesson".

Stupidly i responded but i think its time to end the friendship. I don't really know why I'm posting tbh, a rant, a handhold. Sorry 😔

OP posts:
Purplepeoniesdroppingpetals · 20/03/2025 23:17

Block and concentrate on what’s important. Her woes are for her to deal with and you’re busy with someone who needs you more. Really hoping your child starts to pick up soon, and take care of you too, op.

FaithFables · 20/03/2025 23:18

Your only response should be to tell her to fuck off and then block her.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 20/03/2025 23:18

Block her and focus on your DD.

saraclara · 20/03/2025 23:20

Block her and never speak to her again.

Oh, and do a screen print of her messages, so she can't delete and deny

TheFoz · 20/03/2025 23:20

Jesus. Block, block, block!! Don’t let that headcase taken up another moments thought in your head. I hope your dd will be ok and you are managing to look after yourself somewhat.

OatFlatWhiteForMe · 20/03/2025 23:21

She sounds utterly vile.

Enough4me · 20/03/2025 23:24

OP, you are in the right place doing the right things and because of this your daughter has a great mum!
Anyone telling you differently isn't worth a moment more of your time. Rather than get angry back. Send a text, " have to go I'll message in a few days when I know more". When convenient to you simply message and say you both expect different things from friendships and wish her well, then block.
Life is too short to accept mean and bullying behaviour.

CynthiaRothrock · 20/03/2025 23:27

For your own sanity block her! So sorry for this, yes she has obviously has mh issues/is going through something, but that is no excuse for her words. You do not deserve this.

Jeschara · 20/03/2025 23:31

You need to block her your DD is paramount.
Your friends reaction is vile but not normal, she is in need of help, but you cannot give her that at the moment,she aldi needs to know that her behavior is unacceptable and the loss of her friendship with uou maybe thr wake up call she needs.
Best wishes to you and your daughter.

GoldBeautifulHeart · 20/03/2025 23:31

Bloody hell!

What a bloody emotional vampire. Block her and never see her again. She isn't a friend, she's a bloody grief thief.

You do not need this at all. You'll feel better when you're not in crisis mode anymore.

I hope your daughter gets better soon.

WheresYourSnickers · 20/03/2025 23:31

Block her for at least a week. If you want to unblock after that it's up to you, but I imagine the peace will be bliss!
Best wishes to your DD.

NinaGeiger · 20/03/2025 23:44

I had a baby in hospital in Dec and I don't know how I would've coped with receiving messages like that! How horrendous.
Unforgivable.

ThatsNotMyTeen · 20/03/2025 23:49

Sorry about your wee baby, hope she is much better soon.

Your “friend” is a cunt. Block and forget about her.

Catofthesouth · 20/03/2025 23:52

Oh love. So sorry. Hope your DD recovers soon xxx

TempestTost · 20/03/2025 23:55

She sounds like she's gone of the deep end and is not rational.

I think in your position, if she's been a real friend, I'd say something like, "It's clear that you are having some kind of breakdown, and I think you need to find someone to talk to right now, but I cannot be that person because I am with my baby in the ER. I'm sorry you are so upset."

And I'd leave it there. Maybe it will turn out she is really is having a psychotic episode, in which case I'd not hold that against her, though you might not want to stay involved. Or maybe she's just a terrible person in which case I'd not hesitate to leave the friendship.

takealettermsjones · 21/03/2025 00:05

FaithFables · 20/03/2025 23:18

Your only response should be to tell her to fuck off and then block her.

This 100%. Hope your daughter gets better soon ❤️

Livelovebehappy · 21/03/2025 00:16

I’m guessing this sort of behaviour hasn’t come out of no-where, and this is who she is, and has always been. In which case you must have been putting up with this for as long as you’ve known her. Set your bar higher for friendships. Don’t let anyone ever talk to you like this. This isn’t how real friends react. Real friends support you with kindness.

Original poster
PowerInvestedIn · 21/03/2025 00:21

Thank you everyone. I think more than anything I just needed a sanity check. I did block her as soon as I responded to her last message.

The thing is if this was a one off then I may have been open to getting past it but for a while now her behaviour has been pretty awful. I don't know if it's ramped up more since I had DD or if its just become more obvious. She always the victim and either has to be right or the worst off in a situation. I don't know if anything has happened to make her be like this or if its actually just who she is.

OP posts:
PleaseDontFingerMyPouffe · 21/03/2025 00:27

She said what now??
I would never speak to her again.

Flowers handhold for you & your daughter tonight

Catofthesouth · 21/03/2025 00:27

i had a “friend” like that. She fell out with me when I said No to her. Such a relief to be free of it all, she was a bloody vampire. Look after yourself and your lovely baby, nothing else matters really xxx

Topjoe19 · 21/03/2025 01:06

She is not a friend. That's a despicable thing to say.

I hope your DD is better soon. You must be utterly exhausted. I hope you have some support while you're in hospital.

FloofyKat · 21/03/2025 11:00

Sounds like you are better off without not-friend spouting nonsense - not someone you need or want in your life. Hope your DD is on the mend and you can soon go home.

Introducingme · 21/03/2025 11:21

With friends like that who needs an enemy.

You just concentrate on your DD.
Block forever.

arcticpandas · 21/03/2025 11:45

She's horrible ! She obviously thinks she's the center of the world and she's not happy about you prioritising your sick child rather than listening to her rants. Block and forget about her. You don't need people like that in your life. I hope your dd soon feels better.💗

TooTrue2005 · 21/03/2025 11:46

I’d block her with no explanation OP