To be deeply offended by being referred to as poisonous

[Suxapril]

Will save you all the long story.

SIL and I do not get on. At all. First time she ever met me she told me she has never liked any of DP’s gf’s. Knew then what I was working with and suffered her batshittery for years before eventually going NC last year.

Latest rant in which she messaged DP calling me poison and poisonous.

Of all the things she has said over the years, this actually stings a bit. I’m actually annoyed that it does as I like to think of her the least amount of time.

Is it as bad as I feel?

Are you deeply offended? You don’t sound it, nor should you be.

I would message her "Thank you for letting me live rent free in your head all these years!"

But I am childish and petty.

"You can call me Fugu"

Your husband is stirring. That really needs to stop.

Exactly. Don’t let her win. Take the oxygen out of it all. Being ignored and not worth the bother is the greatest sting of all.

If you demonstrate that you’re really not at all interested or concerned with her thoughts and barbs you effectively reduce her ammunition. For a drama queen being ignored and not rising to the bait is death by a thousand invisible cuts.

Yes this.

He didnt have to tell you about his argument with her did he?

I think you need to ask your DP to block her number on his phone. That's the only way he can get peace, as well as you. Any other contact can go through family.

I mean in this scenario my DH would tell her to go fuck herself and not contact us again, I would do the same for DH if it was someone on my side of the family.

And no, I wouldn't feel deeply offended by being called poisonous by someone who I really didn't give a shit about.

Send her an apple in the post.

I think the saying ‘never take criticism from someone you would never go to for advice’ is always a good rule to follow.

Her opinion is completely irrelevant, who cares if she doesn’t like you? 🤷🏻‍♀️

There is an interview with Barack Obama, a man who has thickest skin as anyone alive today, where he talks about the thing that got him is when the press reported that he didn't pay for his holidays.

Its bonkers the things that get to you, but it usually means that they are pushing on a vision of yourself that you care about. What is it about the word "Poisonious" that pisses you off? Is that how you would describe her and so it feels unfair?

Once you think about it for a couple of minutes and then think about whether you are the thing that you think she is saying about you (probably not), it won't bother you as much any more.

So someone you dont like called you a name? ok and? you dont like each other so be the mature grown ups you should be and just get on with your own lives

This sounds like an extremely odd kind of relationship. She is obsessed with her brother's wife and former girlfriends, and very bitter though you've been seemingly married for years? Is she jealous? I cant stand people like that it reminds me of horrid mothers who are jealous of their son's wives. Just weird imo.

Don't be offended. Just ignore it and move on. you both hate each other and there's no point in taking your turn to stir the pot

Just say, "That's nice" in a breezy tone, a la Mrs Brown.

This isn’t personal she’d be like this with anyone

Firstly it’s clearly untrue so needs to be dismissed.

Secondly why on earth is your dh continuing to have contact with someone that is so insulting about his wife?? It’s not okay that he is enabling her op, he should be making it crystal clear he won’t tolerate her insults and abuse. I would have such a low opinion of a man that didn’t have the balls to stand up for his own wife!

Oh wow, can you send a lightning bolt to strike Donald Trump?
You being all-powerful 😘

Let clowns be clowns OP. Just stop going to the circus.

Agree with PPs that he shouldn't be relaying her batshit messages to you. Are you sure it's not that which is bothering you. Almost like he's saying, "My sister thinks you are poisonous. I'm not sure. What do you think?" He might not want to go LC or even NC with her but he needs to man up a bit here. I'd not tolerate any member of my family being vile like that about my DH and I would knock it on the head sharpish. I'd also not relay to my DH what the relative said about him. Why would I? What possible good would come of it?

Anyway this time round, he can reply to her, "Re your comment about Suxapril being poisonous, I told her and she says she forgives you."

It isn’t just a case of you don’t like each other. The first time she met you she said she had never liked any of her brother’s girlfriends! That alone says far more about her than it does you. She’s clearly the poisonous one!

Depends. Poisonous is 'toxic' before it got a new name and started being over and inappropriately used for anyone who displeases. Your SiL may just not have caught up with the rebrand and still be using poisonous in this generic insulting way. On the other hand, you may have done things she could percieve as creating a 'toxic' environment. Gossip, encouraging negativity towards others, trying to interfere in other people's relationships and so on. Only you know if there are grounds. If not, just assume she's using the word incorrectly and just doesn't like you.

Thanks all, DP is an issue with this, but I think he has just sent years pandering to her ‘to keep the peace’ which I have to say I am not up for and tbh doesn’t work. He has told her on numerous occasions that she is unacceptable, he has shouted at her on the phone at times when she has been particularly awful. But then it’s kinda gets swept back under the carpet again. He has told me clearly he will never stop speaking to her completely

The time to build a relationship is long past, you both chose arguing instead, so why you think she would be complimenting you behind your back is baffling. Ask your DH to stop telling you what she's saying, if he doesn't enjoy the messages then it's up to him to say so. Sounds like all 3 of you like drama far too much.

but why did your husband relay the message back to you? Ask him why he felt the need to pass that on?