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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Update from my last thread

50 replies

LivelyWasp · 20/03/2025 15:10

Hi, not sure if anyone can remember me posting about my child's coach saying something sexually inappropriate too me & I was wondering how others would've reacted.

I don't know how to link my last post about it sorry.

But my child's coach, who I also do 1-1s with said to me in my ear "I didn't recognise you with your clothes on" whilst I was picking my child up. In front of the other kids there. But very sexually in my ear. My reaction was to tell him to shut up and don't ever say that.

The next day I had my 1-1 booked in but decided to cancel as I just felt seriously creeped out. When I text him making my excuses he instantly replied with "was it cause of what I said?" I didn't reply then he text again with "it was a joke" again, I didn't reply. Then he text again saying "don't keep me in suspense" ONCE AGAIN I didn't reply. The next morning he text again saying "have I upset you" So I blocked him.

This happened last week. Today I had a call from a private number. I can't ignore private numbers as it could be my children's school. I said hello, and it was him! He'd rang me on a withheld number.

I literally put the phone down. After her said who it was. My phone also tells me if blocked numbers have tried calling me & he'd called me from his original number an hour before he called on a private number. Obviously he didn't get through on his own number as he's blocked.

Wtf?! I'm genuinely freaked out by this.

So sorry for having to recap all that just for this part of the update. But please tell me I'm not overreacting? What do I do? Thanks if you've finished reading x

OP posts:
TokyoSushi · 20/03/2025 15:12

Oh my, is there anybody you can report him to?

IHaveDefectedToTeamDog · 20/03/2025 15:14

Christ on a bike, if he contracts you again tell him you'll report him for harassment!
And tell the parents of the other children he coaches. What a creep.

NotTheDebtDoctorWithTheHungryScalpel · 20/03/2025 15:14

Screenshot everything for starters, keep a record of everything.

What sort of coach is he? Is it through a council, sports centre, is he part of a company or is there a governing body?

Original poster
LivelyWasp · 20/03/2025 15:16

NotTheDebtDoctorWithTheHungryScalpel · 20/03/2025 15:14

Screenshot everything for starters, keep a record of everything.

What sort of coach is he? Is it through a council, sports centre, is he part of a company or is there a governing body?

I don't know. Think it could be charity run but through the council also. He runs the place though, I know that. So I don't know who I go to who's above him.x

OP posts:
NotTheDebtDoctorWithTheHungryScalpel · 20/03/2025 15:20

LivelyWasp · 20/03/2025 15:16

I don't know. Think it could be charity run but through the council also. He runs the place though, I know that. So I don't know who I go to who's above him.x

Show quote history

Is there a website of somewhere you can find out the information?

My dd goes to some sports clubs but even though individuals run the clubs there are places they are governed by in order to get insurance and whatnot.

OttersAreMySpiritAnimal · 20/03/2025 15:21

He might be trying to apologise.

Fitzcarraldo353 · 20/03/2025 15:22

OttersAreMySpiritAnimal · 20/03/2025 15:21

He might be trying to apologise.

Maybe but if he's genuinely sorry and had realised he's upset her, he'd respect the fact she doesn't want to talk to him and leave her the fuck alone

Original poster
LivelyWasp · 20/03/2025 15:25

I know that's what he will be trying to do. But I don't want an apology. He's vile.

OP posts:
AppropriateAdult · 20/03/2025 15:28

I think I’d probably send him one message, and then block again:

”I don’t think you realise how far over the line your behaviour has gone. Never contact me again. If I receive any form of communication from you whatsoever in the future I will be making a police report.”

Original poster
LivelyWasp · 20/03/2025 15:37

AppropriateAdult · 20/03/2025 15:28

I think I’d probably send him one message, and then block again:

”I don’t think you realise how far over the line your behaviour has gone. Never contact me again. If I receive any form of communication from you whatsoever in the future I will be making a police report.”

I get what you're saying. But I genuinely don't wanna engage at all with him.x

OP posts:
billandtedsexcellentadventure · 20/03/2025 15:39

That’s a very strange thing to say just out of nowhere?!

SalfordQuays · 20/03/2025 15:42

What is he coaching you in?
Do you have forthcoming bookings with him?
Have you cancelled them?
What is the cancellation policy?

What he said was very inappropriate and of course it makes sense to avoid him, but presumably you’ve got some sort of contract with him for coaching? So you’ll need to tie up the loose ends and cancel everything, pay any outstanding balance or get a refund if you’ve paid for sessions you won’t be having. If you can’t face talking to him then can you ask someone to do this on your behalf?

RedToothBrush · 20/03/2025 15:45

Police report.

And then any supervisory / parent body for who ever he is a representative of.

And then tell school that you suspect your child might have been a victim.

Light up this individual as a predator with as many individuals and groups as you can.

And remove your child from any contact with them

Original poster
LivelyWasp · 20/03/2025 15:45

billandtedsexcellentadventure · 20/03/2025 15:39

That’s a very strange thing to say just out of nowhere?!

It is, but he said it and I have the texts to back that up. Very strange and very creepy.

OP posts:
Original poster
LivelyWasp · 20/03/2025 15:47

I don't have any contract with him. It was on a pay as you go basis. He already knows its because of what I said. I don't want to put someone else in the middle of it, just wondering who I'd be able to report this too, should he keep contacting me

OP posts:
Endofyear · 20/03/2025 16:06

I would message him once and say that his comment made you very uncomfortable and that you do not want him to contact you again. Then block him. If he attempts to contact you again, report him to the police for harassment.

WiddlinDiddlin · 20/03/2025 16:10

Im confused.

What would you normally be wearing during a coaching session - without knowing what it is he coaches you in and thus sees you wearing, the context is hard to figure out!

It's a not very funny bit of small talk if he normally sees you in swimming gear and was for the first time seeing you fully clothed.

It's weird and creepy if he normally sees you fully clothed in say, trackies, vest etc and is now seeing you in normal non-sports clothing.

Its bizarre and creepy if he's never seen you in anything but normal outer wear/seen you plenty of times before.

You don't say if you've pulled your kid from whatever thing it is he coaches.

Thisisittheapocalypse · 20/03/2025 16:16

If he's not an 'independent' coach, report him to who ever he answers to or whatever facility he uses to coach at. What he said was wildly inappropriate and now he's refusing to leave you alone since he knows he is messed up here, badly, but is trying to prevent you from reporting him no doubt.

SussexLass87 · 20/03/2025 16:16

Could you share with us what sport it is? Or would that feel too outing?

I remember your last thread - his behaviour has ramped up quite a lot since you first posted.

In all honesty I would be getting advice from the local police or PCSO.

Have you told anyone in real life? I think you should.

DPotter · 20/03/2025 16:18

Is there a national accreditation body for the activity's coaching qualification that you could report him too ? Most sports have one.

I think if he was genuinely trying to apologise, he could do that within a message, rather than keep trying to contact you to speak to.

Original poster
LivelyWasp · 20/03/2025 16:20

WiddlinDiddlin · 20/03/2025 16:10

Im confused.

What would you normally be wearing during a coaching session - without knowing what it is he coaches you in and thus sees you wearing, the context is hard to figure out!

It's a not very funny bit of small talk if he normally sees you in swimming gear and was for the first time seeing you fully clothed.

It's weird and creepy if he normally sees you fully clothed in say, trackies, vest etc and is now seeing you in normal non-sports clothing.

Its bizarre and creepy if he's never seen you in anything but normal outer wear/seen you plenty of times before.

You don't say if you've pulled your kid from whatever thing it is he coaches.

It's in my original thread. I don't know how to upload it to this one. Yes, I pulled my child out that day. He will never be going back, ever again.

I was wearing normal gym clothes, sleeveless gym top. Normal gym leggings. Not that, that should matter.

@SussexLass87 I don't wanna disclose the sport, as it would be quite outing. But it's not a sport like swimming. Or anything that requires wearing a swimming costume etc x

OP posts:
SussexLass87 · 20/03/2025 16:22

Totally understand why you don't want to disclose what sport it is - apologies I didn't say that I was asking in case we could help you with finding a regulatory body to report him too.

SussexLass87 · 20/03/2025 16:22

I'd be getting advice from the local police or PCSO though as I'd feel it's quite worrying that he keeps contacting you.

Original poster
LivelyWasp · 20/03/2025 16:26

For more context. His comment came as a proper shock to me when he said it. I literally recoiled.

I know some might say, it's a joke etc. I can take jokes. This was honestly so seedy. The tone he said it in. I wish I could give you all an example.

It's just the fact I've blocked him, not responded and days later he's trying to call me. It makes me feel vulnerable. This man, knows the street I live in. I highly doubt he'd come in my street. But it's made me feel on edge.

In my last thread I shared our ages. He's nearly old enough to be my dad. I've been alone in his company doing my 1-1s for months. I don't know why, but it's left a real bitter taste in my mouth. But I'm also thinking that maybe I'm overreacting. I just don't want anything to do with him.

OP posts:
SussexLass87 · 20/03/2025 16:28

You're not overreacting at all, don't feel that you are. It was totally inappropriate and unprofessional.

Women shouldn't have to continue to put up with this shit from men.

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