Update from my last thread

[LivelyWasp]

Hi, not sure if anyone can remember me posting about my child's coach saying something sexually inappropriate too me & I was wondering how others would've reacted.

I don't know how to link my last post about it sorry.

But my child's coach, who I also do 1-1s with said to me in my ear "I didn't recognise you with your clothes on" whilst I was picking my child up. In front of the other kids there. But very sexually in my ear. My reaction was to tell him to shut up and don't ever say that.

The next day I had my 1-1 booked in but decided to cancel as I just felt seriously creeped out. When I text him making my excuses he instantly replied with "was it cause of what I said?" I didn't reply then he text again with "it was a joke" again, I didn't reply. Then he text again saying "don't keep me in suspense" ONCE AGAIN I didn't reply. The next morning he text again saying "have I upset you" So I blocked him.

This happened last week. Today I had a call from a private number. I can't ignore private numbers as it could be my children's school. I said hello, and it was him! He'd rang me on a withheld number.

I literally put the phone down. After her said who it was. My phone also tells me if blocked numbers have tried calling me & he'd called me from his original number an hour before he called on a private number. Obviously he didn't get through on his own number as he's blocked.

Wtf?! I'm genuinely freaked out by this.

So sorry for having to recap all that just for this part of the update. But please tell me I'm not overreacting? What do I do? Thanks if you've finished reading x

And I honestly thought by blocking him that he'd know that. As soon as he said "it was a joke" I thought to myself, what's the point in saying anything now? Because he's only going to play what he said down as a joke. So I'd be fighting a losing battle engaging in a conversation with him. But something tells m he's ringing me to try apologise & I don't want an apology. He knew instantly he'd crossed a line, by my reaction and then me blocking him. Just so weird.x

what are the 1-1's? your job, your sport? what

My hobby. It's sport related

Ugh - he knows he's fucked up, he's trying to find out if you're going to take it further or hopefully apologise enough that you won't.

I would report it, he's working presumably with kids and teens not just adults!

I think this cat and mouse game where you block him, he tries to contact you, you hang up on him etc is just going to perpetuate an unpleasant situation. As far as I can gather from this thread (not read the original one) he’s not done anything illegal, just been very inappropriate and seedy. I assume there is no talk of him saying this sort of thing to kids? Or being physical in any way?

You asked what to do - well I would email or text him saying you found his remark extremely inappropriate, and you and your child will no longer be having lessons with him. Tell him not to contact you again.

It's not cat and mouse though is it. I didn't ask to be sexually harassed. I done what was right & immediately left & blocked him. He's not stupid. He knows full well what he's done. I 100% won't be contacting him. But I do wanna escalate it to complain to someone. Not sure who as it's a council run charity. I'll just ring my council and see what they say.

Ah OK so you’re sorted. Glad you’ve got a plan. It’s not what I would do but I’m not you.

@LivelyWasp why haven't you reported him?

Last week I was happy to just block him and never see/speak to him again. Thinking he wouldn't ring me on a private number. After today though, I want to report him. And I will be.

I am not sure why you carried on working with him after removing your child from the coaching?

I didn't continue doing my 1-1s with him. I've already said that. The day he said that comment was the day my child was in his class. My 1-1 was the day after. I didn't do it and told him that.

Definitely make a report to the police. They like to build up a pattern of behaviour. I wish the man I had an issue with had been reported by his ex because then I’d have been believed when I made a similar report about him.

It’s not just the sexual comment, it’s the contacting you when you clearly don’t want to be contacted.

I once reported a man who hadn’t actually committed a crime but whose behaviour was very off. The police took an informal report from me so they had something on record. I believe they also spoke to the man.

I'm not sure why you keep commenting when you obviously haven't read the thread properly!

Glad to hear. He's a coach. He sounds creepy at the very least and predatory at the worst. Defo should not be in his role. Please report his comments word for word and the phone stalking. Keep all notes just in case his behaviour doesn't stop or escalates. The stealth phone call would unnerve me and indicates aggression.

@LivelyWasp this is a good idea.

He might, just might successfully argue his comment was a joke - if said out loud to the room. But he leant in and whispered in the OP's ear. That's what make's it sexual harassment.

Thanks for the advice 🙏 I will ring my local council tomorrow. See who they can put me in touch with etc.

In the mean time let's hope he doesn't try to contact me again on another private number. Otherwise I'll be considering changing my number x

I think he knows he went to far, he knows you blocked him and now he’s scared you might say something so he’s trying to pacify you.,

Yes! This exactly. I can tell the difference between a lighthearted joke to a total sleezy one. Right next to me in my left ear, could feel his breath in my ear. Just inappropriate even more so around children.x

Sorry, I'm jumping in here without reading everything but i get the jist. Listen, as somebody who was abused by a coach, you need to report him to whoever HE reports to. Its not enough to remove your child as others could be in danger.
If you can imagine how horrible you feel, imagine what a small innocent Child could feel? Bloody hell! What a creep!

Imagine what he says to the children?
Thats how paedophiles work. Its your duty to say something and stop (what could be) abuse

I absolutely agree that it was inappropriate comment snd it should be reported. However the way you reacted on his texts made the situation a bit complicated. You should have clearly answered him that his comment was inappropriate and you were pulling out your child,stoping your 1:1 session etc etc. and then block him.
I don’t think he wants to say sorry because he’s genuinely sorry. I think he wants to talk to you as he is concerned that you are going to report him/ complain. And being the dick he is approaching it very straightforwardly by texting you and calling you repeatedly.
So I would unblock, txt him that his comment was inappropriate, him contacting you repeatedly causing you distress and you wanted him to stop otherwise you’d report him for harassment. And then block.

I honestly don't think I owed him any explanation. The fact he replied instantly asking if it was because of what he said, already told me that he knew full well it was because of what he said. Then as soon as he said it was a joke, I knew I'd be wasting my breath giving him a response because he'd downplay it & I simply didn't want to go back & forth.

Of course every one reacts differently. But I wanted to give myself the rest of the night to sit on it before I made a decision to respond. But the constant texts creeped me out as well. So I done what I thought was best for me & blocked him.

It’s far from a joke. I thought you were going to say that he’d seen pictures of you naked online. It’s just such a strange comment to make. Definitely speak to the police though

@LivelyWasp I’m not saying that you owe him an explanation, absolutely not. I was saying that it’s better in situations like this to make clear that you didn't want him to communicate with you and you would report him for harassment if he did. It’s to stop him not for explanation.