To be more awkward about my autism diagnosis than my ADHD?

[Greenpolkadots]

I was diagnosed by a clinical psychologist after being on the waiting list for years.
I knew I had ADHD, I did suspect Autism too so I didn’t think either would have come as a shock.
However I feel weirdly blindsided by the autism one. More awkward and embarrassed about it.
I’ve told people I have a diagnosis of ADHD, but I just don’t feel comfortable telling anyone about the autism one. I don’t know why exactly. I guess because autism is seen in a slightly different way to ADHD. More severe maybe - not my perception necessarily, but society.

It's your private, personal medical information. You don't have to share it with anyone. It's perfectly normal to feel awkward about the idea of sharing such information with others.

There's a huge stigma against autism and there isn't with adhd

Yanbu. I can understand.

I went through a similar journey. Now I'm able to say aloud that I am autistic. My dd is also autistic, shes the one who's given me strength and is the reason I got my diagnosis

Being autistic is okay, op.

Tell those who you can trust not to manipulate and bully you and then blame your autism for you 'misunderstanding' and you will be on the path to feeling comfortable being open about it.

If you don't have people that you can fully trust around you - don't say a thing 🥺

Once I'm away from those who would gladly see me come to harm, I plan to be open about my diagnosis. Need to get away from my area first.

Congratulations on getting your diagnosis - it makes a difference and really helps you process things ❤️

I think there’s stigma around ADHD. I would say people are more sympathetic about autism than ADHD. Many people wrongly assume children with ADHD are naughty and it’s down to ‘poor parenting’ and an excuse. It seems they are judged harshly.

I think with autism, people are very sympathetic when it’s severe and someone can barely communicate. Not so much when middle aged women who have their own kids, run a house and hold down a job etc… they are less sympathetic. I think they wrongly assume that they are entitled to some form of financial help, which is obviously nonsense. Most people want to understand themselves better and a diagnosis helps that.

Why are you telling people?
I wouldn't be embarassed as it appears 90% of the population are now autistic/ adhd

I think there's more stigma with ADHD.

I have a diagnosis for both - autism first, ADHD years later. I'm fine about the autism diagnosis, I knew way before I was diagnosed, but I'm not comfortable, or believing of the ADHD diagnosis.

@Greenpolkadots - I have the opposite reaction to you 😄

90%?

I've had a lot of parenting judgment with my autistic DC. It's taken almost two years for school to accept it's not some failure on our part.

What's your problem - are you jealous or something?

Maybe stigma against parents of kids with adhd, I'd agree

But as an adult, I'd say the stigma is applied to people with autism ime 🥺, and the problems caused by socialising makes them 'weird' and targets

As parents though, yes, if a child was acting on their adhd impulses in the supermarket, and the mother didn't appear to be middle class and married, people would judge the mother and child as being failures/lower class

Agree with some women saying that they have autism/adhd being seen as faking for the benefits too

We are just starting out on this journey so well done to you for seeing it through. DD has gone through mainstream school, 6th form/covid and is in her second year at uni - still living at home and commuting - her choice. She's had a rough time all her life due to her absent father who is a narcissist (mind games) and despite my unwavering support throughout her life she's done really well with her education. We've encouraged her to ask her teachers if she doesn't understand anything which she's done - afterall that's what they're there for, and they've welcomed her taking more of an interest than other students. She did the same in 6th form. Uni is a different story - she's struggling. We didn't think there was an issue & directed her to her tutor & lecturers or the group chat. She decided a few weeks ago to see a therapist as Uni didn't seem very helpful. The therapist says she's showing ADHD/autism ?tendencies/ symptoms and the explanations she's been given make complete sense to her now - why she's like she is - I'm bamboozled - is this when & where these issues start to unfold? From what she describes she's exactly like me but that surely means I'm the same and never knew.

Does that include you? Most autistic people I know are hugely empathetic and considerate communicators...but there's always one, Mightmoog. Usually it's ignorance. 90% of ignorant people have no idea they're ignorant BTW, they go through life thinking they're smart.

Well you know that’s completely untrue. It’s 1 in 100 for autism, 5 % for adhd. I don’t get the hatred for women and girls finally getting better diagnosis.
It’s baffling.

Living proof that there is stigma associated with ADHD.

I’d say, weirdly, that ADHD is seen as ‘cool’ and autism as ‘uncool’. Probably because of the perception that ADHD is perceived as rebellious and transgressive and autism is perceived as special interests and less sociability.

Both have stigma!

They’re ignorant then.

Agree

😅 yes, I think this is true. I'm audhd. It's a constant battle between inner rebel and inner nerd. They can compliment each other quite nicely but I'm hard for others to read. People want a snapshot impression. They assume I'm careless or that I can't present or whatever. Decisions get made on presumptions. I get the thing about autism having more stigma but it does depend on the situation. In many workplaces, it could be perceived as a positive where adhd would be considered a hazard.

I get what you mean, I’ve had a lot of people tell me they think I have ADHD, I’m not offended and think having looked into it, it’s extremely likely I do, but I’m not interested in seeking an official diagnosis at the moment as I don’t want to be medicated.

I had one guy tell me he thought I was autistic like him and tbh I was a bit offended, I suppose it’s because I associate autism with being socially awkward which I wouldn’t like to think I was and I don’t believe I am.

I’m the same, although I was expecting the autism diagnosis and not the ADHD. I am reluctant to tell anyone about the autism. I think it’s because Autism is seen as worse or more disabling, so ADHD is easier to say to people that ASD, and having both also seems a lot worse that having just one. I still find it hard to admit to myself that I have both of them.

I will say I'm not diagnosed, but I have suspected neurodiversity of some sort for myself for a little while. I flew though school and college and then really struggled to click with uni. I think being a bit more of a faceless student in a big lecture hall vs closer relationships with teachers in previous settings made communication even more difficult for someone who has always struggled a bit with asking/communicating. I just thought I was an overthinking 'weirdo' (no offence to anybody at all, i'd noticed that I was definitely different from my friends). Now best part of 15 years on, still struggling particularly with verbal/face to face/telephone communication that there is something going on. I'm solid with an e-mail I can research and make sure I've presented all my facts clearly.

Because I'm clever I never suspected anything like autism, again because of the stereotypes of the severely autistic child at school being the only one with a diagnosis and me not having anywhere near as high needs, just preferring clear written communication and good routine and things well explained. I may never pursue a diagnosis as I'm still not sure I will meet a threshold as I've got so far in life (due to a supportive partner a lot of the time who's willing to phone businesses etc), but I do think there are a lot of high masking women out there struggling but not struggling enough in a world formulated around a NT Man. Your DD has my support. There were certainly not the number of diagnosed ND kids at school as there are now, so you really only saw the 'worst' cases, but I think now it's much clearer to see the spectrum.

Sorry If I've used any wrong terms here. I only mean good intentions and trying to describe my own feelings. I know what's acceptable seems to change on a regular basis, and if it's the same as the community for my physical health condition even then what most people think is the preferred term isn't what I would prefer to be referred as.

And FWIW, I can't get any sort of benefits as an adult for a condition that got DLA as a kid, so I don't expect at all that an ND diagnosis would suddenly see me winning the lottery. People who think that's why particularly women are chasing a diagnosis aren't all correct!

Showing my ignorance but I struggle to grasp how people can have both when so many behaviours on each side seem at odds with one another.

I have a friend with ADHD, I suspect I lean more toward autism than anything.

We both obsess over an interest, but she is bored after a while and moves on to another one or doesn't have anything for a while, whereas if you try to pull me away from my one - ever (even to something else I'd logically be interested in), it stresses me out and I get angry if the disruption persists when I'm trying to do something else.

Her house is always wild chaos, whereas I'm stressed if there's a plate on the side instead of where it belongs with the other plates.

If she has an appointment in the middle of the day she spends all morning unable to do anything until the appointment, or she forgets the appointment entirely.

If she starts a task she's likely to get distracted by something else in the room she walks into, whereas I cannot stop until I have completed the task in full (which again is annoying for people when they try to interrupt me or ask me to do something else in the middle of me doing something).

She forgets to eat and will just eat anything when she remembers whereas I like to buy the same foods with the same numbers of things so I know they will last exactly a week.

If she forgets to text me back she's really guilty and apologetic about it because she sees it as an ADHD thing and is paranoid people she cares about will think she's deliberately ignoring them, whereas I'm not bothered as I don't take it personally or think about it again.

I know everyone is different and there are different types of ADHD and we are just two examples but I can't understand how having both works.

In my experience there is more stigma around being autistic than ADHD especially for women - it's more likely to be seen as acceptable having energy and being impulsive or distracted if you're socially managing well - most of the time. Being autistic is more often seen as being 'weird' and awkward, and the opposite of gendered social skills norms for women.

Well from the conversations I've had with DD she's both - that's an added problem because her autism side wants peace and order but her adhd side is causing the chaos - which is just how you perfectly describe you and your friend individually. I've never noticed either in her as she's been growing up although she's said before that she thinks she's got adhd - all I know is that she's been a typical but sensible teenager, has many positive sides to her and is a lot more genuine than her school friends were, more mature and sensitive to others' feelings. Her closest friends now - 1 has autism and the other ADHD. She says it all makes sense now why the 3 of them understand each other.

I had a similar response. Expected dyslexia, wasn’t surprised by ADHD and was surprised by the autism though it does make perfect sense on reflection. I don’t see the need to mention it to anyone other than close family/friends. Only told 3 people.

50% of us are predicted to get cancer in our lifetimes. When someone you know is diagnosed do you just roll your eyes and say 'well it's the new trend nowadays...'

I have both. It’s estimated 70% of people with ASD also have ADHD. The things you’ve mentions as autistic aren’t really the severe autistic traits that lead to diagnosis, when you actually look at the traits there are overlapping ones and they can go hand in hand with each other.

Some examples from your list. My house is chaos, I find it hard to start tasks, get ‘paralysed’ and can’t focus on sorting it out (adhd), and I also get very overwhelmed with everything going on in my house so also can’t do it, and can’t cope with certain textures and smells with some cleaning (ASD).

I get fixated on special interests and spend time I don’t have researching and looking at those, am an expert(ASD), I find it hard to start tasks that I don’t find interesting and have huge trouble with procrastination to the point I’ll stay up all light or get up be try early to complete tasks I needed to have done the day before but didn’t (ADHD).

I forget to text people back, I genuinely forget and then when I remember I get anxious and start worrying about what the person will think, what I should say and then go through every scenario and practice typing out different replies but too worried to send it. And then I forget again (both).

It’s not necessarily as clear cut as this but wanted to highlight that the traits of both can have the same outcome. There’s also lots of conflicting ones that ends with overwhelm, anxiety that you’re not good enough or fulfilling what you need to do and burn out that can make living with both very challenging.