Teachers who have watched 'Adolescence'- what are your thoughts?

[Fstt1978]

Had an interesting experience this week after watching this at the weekend

sanctioned 4 boys this week with a demerit each - for pushing and shoving in the corridor- swearing loudly and generally being gobby to me.
All 4 boys parents have written emails to say it's unfair/ I'm picking on them etc etc. As it was 4 of them- none of them can be singled out.
We also have a boy caught on CCTV physically assaulting a much younger student unprovoked - it is categorically an assault- with the victims parents pressing charges. He has been permanently excluded and his parents have instructed a solicitor to contest this.

What is going on with parenting boys? Girls sanctioned rarely have parents like this - this is NOT a goady thread- I am genuinely really interested , and open to discussion about it

@Munchymunch

I was at school in the late 60's Girls Grammar. The biology teacher regularly set us to copying work out of the text book and would leave the room. He would then come charging into the room once the noise hit a certain level as obviously some girls were quicker writers and would start to talk. He apparently was having an affair with the lab technician. Happened every lesson. The pass rate for 'O' level biology was quite low that year

I see this in my now ex DH (not my boys dad)
my 3 boys weren't allowed unlimited screens. Had chores at home. All had jobs from 14/15/16 at weekends. No swearing in front of adults. No age inappropriate games and programs
No sexual language

I have been so endlessly shocked and saddened by lack of boundaries and parenting by him that I had to leave (amongst other issues)

If anyone thinks 11 year olds watching GTA (bought by a grandparent) and asking if someone has spunked in their bed is acceptable....
Saying they want to kill dirty slag strippers

Adolescence absolutely terrified me, it was a brilliant depiction of how easily many lives can be destroyed

But I do not recognise in my own sons the misogyny and unhappiness in themselves.
Parenting is a hard job, but it is our job

Whether private or state there could be one parent working and one not.
Its actually more likely both parents of private school kids are working in order to pay the fees.
Your exaggerated ‘some’ is actually very few.
The comment is therefore pointless

Your observations are not unique to boys.

Adolescence showed very clearly how the internet affects them all.

I’m assuming you watched Adolescence. I’m assuming you saw all the bullying and hate
Im assuming you picked up on the effect the internet is having on all children.

@Dollydaydream100
I went to an all girls private school
I have 4 a grade a levels and a first in law

My boys all through state
Eldest is autistic, resourced provision in primary. Excluded over and over again. Got a first, doing a masters in September
Second on target for a first
Third about to leave year 13 and start a merchant navy cadet scholarship

Friends with kids who have been to 40 grand a year public schools

2 in rehab for ketamine
1 failed first year twice
One failed degree, had an abortion , believes at 23 work is beneath her

It's about parenting and making decent human beings

Money and private school is nothing

I have boys including one with ADHD who is fairly frequently in (minor) trouble at his very traditional school, detentions and so on. I wouldn’t dream of undermining the school - I tell him that ADHD isn’t an excuse for bad behaviour and he has to learn to cope in a non-ADHD world, and that the school and we will help him to do that.
The most I have done is to ask the Learning Support lead once to talk to the teacher in question in case something could be done differently going forward - he had been sanctioned for humming in class which is a classic ADHD trait.
I haven’t watched Adolescence yet - am a bit nervous as the mother of boys!

@bittertwisted I don't want to derail the thread but I disagree. In some instances with the rise in SEN kids, private school or alternative school settings can offer a better environment. My son is only 4 and we are overseas. At 3 he was asked to either leave his montessori preschool or we pay for an assistant for him because they could not cope with his behaviour - he was disruptive, hitting, hair pulling, throwing things. He was only there for 4 months and we cooperated fully with the school then removed him. 1 week later he started a small private preschool, 8 kids in a class, 2 teachers. No issues. As that was a temporary solution we moved him again 4 months later to a private preschool. Again no issues. Since then he has been diagnosed with ASD which we haven't disclosed to the school because we have not had any issues as yet. But my point is there was a noticeable difference in my son's behaviour when he was in a smaller class (15 kids), with more movement breaks, less noise, big classrooms & freedom to move, more focus on play based learning, better teacher to pupil ratio, happier teachers, consistent routine, positive atmosphere in school and no school uniform. The environment makes a huge difference.
Given the rise in SEN kids I imagine this is adding to the existing problem in school. I would never agree with justifying bad behaviour but I do think the environment in state schools isn't helping - big classes, excess noise, unhappy burnt out teachers, under resourcing, the extra load primary kids have to deal with - non uniform days all the bloody time or world book day, or children in need day, bake a cake fundraising day etc. It's all too much, especially for an ND child. It's complete sensory overload and a lack of consistency.

Teaching- less a job more military service these days. Parents need to stop making excuses for their kids. It’s out of control!

And the comment about plastic surgery….?

Generalisations like the one you made are absolutely misogynistic.

Well no it isn't 'pointless', that is your perception of my comment but I am allowed to post and reference anecdotal information as it is a chat forum. I referred to these observations in relation to the BS being posted about exemplary behaviour in private schools and in turn, rejection of this ideology; frankly IME that is a load of nonsense. In the context of this discussion it is therefore not 'pointless' and you declaration doesn't make it so!

I wasn't making generalisations I was sharing my observations that counteract the claim that this ideology doesn't exist in private schools. From the sample size I have seen it is this dynamic in the family home that reinforces these ideas and they are very much in Trad roles with outlooks to match, the boys parrot thes values and they are some of the worst mysoginy I've heard!

The comment about plastic surgery is true in the people I observed, this absolutely reinforces the idea of the values they had.

As a parent at one of the named schools I beg to differ. My DS was too young to have been involved in the behavior, but the entire school underwent various sessions to educate them about appropriate behaviour. I recall one negative comment from a mum on a WhatsApp chat (those girls making up stuff…) which was very soon deleted.

It did not seem to occur to either parent that they should have been monitoring their son's internet use and should have known what he was viewing and responding to.

I wonder if part of the problem is that all kids are pushed down the academic root whether they are academic or not, expected to go to university and made to stay in education longer and longer.

This historically didn't happen, it was only the really bright kids who got a degree, other s went down the traditional route of apprenticeships and for boys this tended to mean they had male mentors who taught them at much about life as about the work they were learning.

There is a chronic shortage of people in the building trade, gas, electric, mechanic because schools and parents are pushing the kids to sit in an office, but we need people to do those jobs and there are a lot of kids out there want to earn money and work with their hands, but for some reason we deem that work as lesser.

I'm really not sure what the answer is, but I would certainly stop the obsession with university for everyone.

Interesting. I can see something about most private schools overwhelmingly have children from households in top 10% income bracket, but nothing about income split between parents (at all, regardless of where their children go to school).
I live surrounded by private schools and of kids who go there I-know: parents who both work, in order to pay school fees; parents who both work at highly paid professional jobs; and parents where the dad is a super high earner and the mum does low or no-income work.
I don't think there's a family where the mum supports the dad.
I would love to see statistics that show what the actual situation is.

@Arrivals4lucky thank you for your reassuring comment - I really hope you're right! I'll definitely encourage him to do something like that.

Most people don't have a spare 20k a year for private school.

Also Elliot Rodger the original bitter rejected killer man who inspired the incel movement went to private school

@Dollydaydream100 is suggesting that the OP moves to teach in private school not send DC to private school!

Ohh yes I see now my bad.

Still watching adolescence really did make me think of Elliot Rodger the actor even looks a little bit like him

A few people have misunderstood throughout the thread, I had to stick my oar in!

I watched Adolescence and the school episode was so closely aligned with my own experience of working in state secondary schools that I found it genuinely difficult to watch. I've had several texts from colleagues about it and they felt the same. It was unnervingly accurate. It did make me grateful that I now work in Primary though!

I think many people don't realise how "normal" it is for parents to be in complete ignorance of their children's online world. In my experience it's very, very common for parents to take no responsibility whatsoever for monitoring their children's use of social media, or for it to even occur to them that they could or should. People don't realise how early children are exposed to sexual and violent content, how toxic the discourse on social media is and how these platforms are deliberately designed to be addictive for impressionable young minds.
I have worked with so many parents who are in complete and utter denial about their child's behaviour, on and offline. Parents cannot be objective when it comes to their own children, they just can't. They see them as 'their child' and it's hard to accept that at some point they morph into a young adult with their own personality, ideas and values that are shaped not just by us, but by external factors over which we have limited control and influence. Social media accelerates that process.

I found Adolescence impactful, but not shocking unfortunately.

@Dreamlight
I'm really not sure what the answer is, but I would certainly stop the obsession with university for everyone.
I'd agree.