AIBU to ditch wedding for holiday?

[Doglover84]

Team leader has invited our team (10 of us) to her wedding reception on the bank holiday weekend in a couple of months time.

I've not RSVPd yet even though the deadline has passed but I know she thinks I'm going, everyone else is.

My dilemma is, I have a 4 day weekend and I'd prefer to go and visit my best friend who lives in the UAE.

Would I be unreasonable to ditch the wedding and book the flights?

Should I tell her or just pull a sicky on the day?

Or should I just suck it up and go to the reception...

Tell her it's already booked and do as you want.

Why have you let the deadline pass? That’s so rude. Plus going to the UAE too. No.

You weren't obligated to go because you were invited but it was rude not to RSVP before the deadline.

Tell her you’d already booked the holiday and RSVP no.

If it’s just the reception, that won’t cost her anything extra. But don’t pull a sicky on the day!!!

Fuck that, there's enough weddings and funerals you actually have to go to

Just say no and send a nice card. How hard is that?

Tell her now (ie today) that you've just realised you didn't RSVP and you're so sorry but you won't be able to make it as you've already made plans for the bank hol. And send a card.

Don't pull a sicky on the day, that is horrendously rude and ungrateful. She most likely doesn't want anyone at her wedding who feels they are "sucking it up."

How rude of you to not RSVP.

You can't 'ditch' a wedding when you haven't accepted the invitation anyway.

Just tell her you're going away that weekend and stop mucking her about.

She will absolutely know I've not already booked it though, we all work so closely together and all know the ins and outs of each other's lives/holiday bookings etc.

You're only an evening guest, it's fine to cancel.

So what?

Believe it or not, her and the groom are the most important attendees.

Just tell her ASAP.

I know, I really don't think she'd care one way or the other I just feel awkward now that I've left it this late.

Just RSVP officially on the invite page rather than doing it at work in person if you feel awkward.

Jusy say - I’m sorry, but I can’t that bank holiday weekend. I can’t wait to hear all about / pics / etc etc.

Send a nice card, leave it at that. She really won’t care, but you have to do it now so the awkwardness doesn’t continue for you, and she knows one way or another.

I'm not surprised.

Still, you can contact her right now if you want and tell her you won't be going and how sorry you are for not letting her know sooner.

I think you're acting really immaturely. She really won't care if you attend or not to the evening reception, but she probably does care that you haven't the manners to reply.

YANBU to go for the long weekend away instead of the evening Reception of a colleague's wedding.

YABVU to have not replied.

YABVVVVVVVVVVVU to consider letting her think you are going and then not turn up on the night. Can't believe you are even considering that.

Just let her know !

Thanks, I think this is the way forward!

Does she not have friends? Using work colleagues to pad out the wedding.

It's quite normal in our team, they all came to my wedding reception (bar the two that were on holiday as similar situation!)

You feel awkward because it is awkward. Just apologise, say something along the lines of you’re really sorry for the delay in replying, you’ve been arranging some holiday plans with friends for a while now and have been trying to make the dates work, but turns out you can’t, and offer your apologies. And let the awkwardness you feel be your prompt to reply on time and avoid it next time you receive an invitation to something!

Don’t throw a sickie, that’s incredibly rude - she’ll be planning food and potentially have others in the shortlist who she can fill your space with now, but not at the last minute.

I agree with everything you've said.

Not to drip feed but I was planning to go, but she's properly bitten my head off recently for no real reason and I'm feeling quite pissed off with her. As are the rest of the team.

To people saying it wont cost her anything I am definitely paying for each evening guest to be fed!
OP just tell her and give her the opportunity to change evening catering numbers, it will cause more resentment if you pull a sicky on the day and she’s paid for you. Plus if you’re a close team she’ll presumably find out you went on hols instead

Yeah I definitely wouldn't pull a sicky, I remember how stressful it was when people pulled out of my wedding last minute.