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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Emails - annual leave

153 replies

BearHuntAgain · 17/03/2025 19:46

I’m genuinely questioning whether I’m being unreasonable or my manager is.

I work in a relatively small team for a large multinational company. We’re a very busy team and there’s never enough hours in the day. Since coming back from mat leave I’ve definitely been putting stronger boundaries in place regarding my working hours.

I’m taking annual leave the rest of this week and DH are going away just the two of us for the first time since having DC2 (she’s two). it’s been a really shit 6 months and we really need this.

At the end of our team meeting my boss mentioned about taking my work phone and just checking emails at the end of the day in case there are any emergencies. I basically said no. He then emailed me after the meeting to say that I was setting a bad example to the junior members of the team.

I responded saying that it’s important for everyone to switch off on annual leave. I’d have my personal phone for them to get hold of me if an emergency. He responded reiterating it didn’t take long to check and forward on anything urgent.

Everyone in the company knows who my colleagues are and would reach out to them if urgent. I’m not so senior that I’m paid an amazing wage so it justifies being available. And I’m going to have an out of office on saying to contact my colleagues if needed.

I’m really annoyed that it’s on me to actively log into my emails to check each day (technically only away for three days).

YABU - it’s a quick check just to make sure nothing urgent has been sent.

YANBU - it’s your annual leave. It’s encroaching on your time and your team can cope for a few days without you.

OP posts:
SeaSwim5 · 17/03/2025 22:10

Unless you are in a very senior and well-paid role that prevents you from fully switching off as your specific knowledge/input is always needed (e.g. CEO or law firm partner), you should not be checking emails while on leave under any circumstances.

Anything that needs to be taken care of while you’re away should be handed over and an OOO contact put on, then you are off.

Flatandhappy · 17/03/2025 22:10

Not only is your boss wrong but I would view his attempts to bully you into agreeing as borderline harassment. “Right to disconnect” laws have just come into effect here (Aus) so what he is doing would be illegal but I’m guessing there is nothing similar in the UK.

lalaladyday · 17/03/2025 22:13

You are absolutely in the right OP. You put contact details on your autoreply and if there were some almighty emergency (in which case they have your personal number), your time off is yours, not theirs - even if it ‘just takes a minute’.

The only exceptions I can think of to this would be if you were a consultant doctor in sole charge of a patient under your care, or a lawyer about to go to trial….but it’s a silly point anyway because doctors and lawyers don’t tend to take holiday at crucial times! Plus - I mean this kindly - are you on the kind of vastly inflated salary (eg banking) where the enormous pay makes manager think they ‘own’ you? Am guessing not…

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 17/03/2025 22:22

There is no emergency that only you can deal with and if there is then that is a company problem and they need better systems in place? What if you dropped dead how would they cope? We literally had one of our team suddenly die recently. We knew how to cover and take over her work as we have proper systems in place and her direct manager was on annual leave when she died and wasn't involved or told until she returned from annual leave. Lazy manager you've got.

OnTheBoardwalk · 17/03/2025 22:23

Absolutely not. If I’m off a week I may choose myself to log in on the Sunday night to see what I’m going in to

if I’m off a fortnight due to my position I’m not allowed to log in at all over the 2 weeks. Something about fraud being able to be identified over this period

1 day or 50 days. Annual leave is your time. Your boss is a dick

Pinkhat123 · 17/03/2025 22:25

That place sounds toxic yet familiar to my own work environment.
Can you look for another job? Does that place not cause you stress day to day? Is it worth it for the job? Life is too short! Enjoy your holiday.

Lassango · 17/03/2025 22:29

He can fuck right off.

melonalone · 17/03/2025 22:39

If you cave now you’ll be checking emails on holidays forever, and before you know it it’ll be weekends and then evenings and then you’ll suddenly find that you’re working 24/7.

Stand firm, OP. Make sure your “out of office” reply indicates that you have no access to your emails and the appropriate person to resend the mail to, and enjoy your break!

notacooldad · 17/03/2025 22:44

Our manager insists that we completely switch off.
The other week someone wanted to phone a member of staff who was on leave about something but he was told to leave them alone.
If we work over our hours because something urgent has come up she makes sure we get our time back.
Due to things like this staff are willing to go the extra mile for her.

Starlightstarbright4 · 17/03/2025 22:45

Lassango · 17/03/2025 22:29

He can fuck right off.

Litterally the words that went int my head

SassK · 17/03/2025 23:01

I don't know what industry you're in, but this has become somewhat normalised in the age of hybrid/home working. I don't think it was unreasonable of your manager to ask the question (forwarding an email isn't a huge ask), however it was unreasonable to put pressure on you after you'd said no. He sounds a bit of a dick, maybe out of his depth.

CalleOcho · 17/03/2025 23:08

@BearHuntAgain If all staff are expected to monitor work emails during annual leave then you work for a toxic company, get the hell out of there.

If it’s just your manager with this expectation - politely tell him that you won’t be monitoring them and you will be putting his contact details in your Automated Reply/Out Of Office.

Feel sorry for the junior members of staff who will be inclined to think that checking emails during leave is normal practice. It ISN’T!

WanderleyWagon · 17/03/2025 23:13

Annual leave is part of your compensation package. If he is expecting you to work on leave, he is expecting you to voluntarily forfeit part of your compensation package. I'd be taking this one to HR, framing it as 'I'm puzzled, but my manager doesn't seem to think that I can actually fully take the leave I'm due'...

And if by any chance you are in a union I'd definitely be taking this one to them. And if you'd not in a union but you could be, I'd take this as a sign that this might be a good time to join the union. (You have to be a member of a union for a while before they can step in to support with your specific case, but imho it's an important extra support to have in the workplace.)

And your manager is dead wrong - this policy would be setting a terrible example to your co-workers.

SunnyViper · 17/03/2025 23:13

ExtraOnions · 17/03/2025 19:53

In small teams, it is possible that important things can get stuck in one persons inbox when the are away. Put a delegate on your inbox, so someone else can monitor things … problem solved

Not with an out of office set.

surreygirl1987 · 17/03/2025 23:19

lalaladyday · 17/03/2025 22:13

You are absolutely in the right OP. You put contact details on your autoreply and if there were some almighty emergency (in which case they have your personal number), your time off is yours, not theirs - even if it ‘just takes a minute’.

The only exceptions I can think of to this would be if you were a consultant doctor in sole charge of a patient under your care, or a lawyer about to go to trial….but it’s a silly point anyway because doctors and lawyers don’t tend to take holiday at crucial times! Plus - I mean this kindly - are you on the kind of vastly inflated salary (eg banking) where the enormous pay makes manager think they ‘own’ you? Am guessing not…

My exception is teachers around results day. We're technically 'off'but I do check emails on that day and for the next fortnight until school starts, and I do go in. However, I am able to not check my email for a good few weeks until then so I feel that's a small price to pay (plus we do get long holidays). OP, I'm with you.

Busybeemumm · 17/03/2025 23:26

He can f right off! He should feel embarrassed to even ask! Well done for standing up for yourself and setting a good example to other staff. Annual leave is for switching off from work completely. Happy holidays 😀

Busybeemumm · 17/03/2025 23:28

notacooldad · 17/03/2025 22:44

Our manager insists that we completely switch off.
The other week someone wanted to phone a member of staff who was on leave about something but he was told to leave them alone.
If we work over our hours because something urgent has come up she makes sure we get our time back.
Due to things like this staff are willing to go the extra mile for her.

You have a very good manager who understands how to get the best out of a team.

NameChangedSpring25 · 17/03/2025 23:30

I think YABU and it’s not a big ask to quickly scan for anything urgent/important, but only if there is flexibility both ways, e.g. if you are able to do personal appointments (eg dentist, child vaccines, long lunch for a gym session) during your working hours.

Busybeemumm · 17/03/2025 23:46

@NameChangedSpring25 but what if there is something urgent then you would have to do something about it. OP could end up sucked into some kind of emergency and then waste her annual leave day away on holiday sorting this out instead of precious time with her DH.

If OP does need to take time off personal appointments then a reasonable manager would be ok with this without an expectation that annual leave would be used to work. Even having to quickly go through emails is a mental load which is unnecessary on holiday.

OP you manager is being a CF, don't fall for it. Keep your boundaries.

Mnetcurious · 17/03/2025 23:56

Out of office reply set on your emails with details of another email address to contact for urgent issues is all that’s needed. Yabu, you need to be able to switch off.

Wellee · 18/03/2025 00:03

BearHuntAgain · 17/03/2025 19:46

I’m genuinely questioning whether I’m being unreasonable or my manager is.

I work in a relatively small team for a large multinational company. We’re a very busy team and there’s never enough hours in the day. Since coming back from mat leave I’ve definitely been putting stronger boundaries in place regarding my working hours.

I’m taking annual leave the rest of this week and DH are going away just the two of us for the first time since having DC2 (she’s two). it’s been a really shit 6 months and we really need this.

At the end of our team meeting my boss mentioned about taking my work phone and just checking emails at the end of the day in case there are any emergencies. I basically said no. He then emailed me after the meeting to say that I was setting a bad example to the junior members of the team.

I responded saying that it’s important for everyone to switch off on annual leave. I’d have my personal phone for them to get hold of me if an emergency. He responded reiterating it didn’t take long to check and forward on anything urgent.

Everyone in the company knows who my colleagues are and would reach out to them if urgent. I’m not so senior that I’m paid an amazing wage so it justifies being available. And I’m going to have an out of office on saying to contact my colleagues if needed.

I’m really annoyed that it’s on me to actively log into my emails to check each day (technically only away for three days).

YABU - it’s a quick check just to make sure nothing urgent has been sent.

YANBU - it’s your annual leave. It’s encroaching on your time and your team can cope for a few days without you.

Isn’t this what automatic out of office replies are for? Add an email address to that message to direct them to elsewhere if their matter is urgent
Emails then don’t need to be manually forwarded

Booboobagins · 18/03/2025 00:27

In those day and age there are still cave people managing people!

Wellbeing is hugely important. Going on leave means being off work, they can cope without you for a few days surely.

Def dont take the phone. Do mention this to HR so it's recorded before you go on leave.

Have a lovely time x

GiroJim100 · 18/03/2025 00:27

Completely unreasonable behaviour from the OP’s boss. Being on annual leave means not being at work therefore you shouldn’t be doing anything related to your job no matter what is. Aside from that, everyone needs a proper break from work. It shouldn’t consume your whole life.

SprinkleOfSunak · 18/03/2025 00:29

She can stick your emails up her arse. How dare she ask this of you!

MermaidMummy06 · 18/03/2025 00:49

I'm off for three weeks after Friday. So is DH. We will not be accessing emails at all.

We have right to disconnect laws in Aus, which, in theory, are designed to stop employers expecting employees to be contactable. You have to stand your ground, though. DH used to get calls from 8am the first day of leave & once worked the entire holiday under pressure from the boss. Once DH asserted his position, he hasn't had an issue since. I think the boss realised employees don't have the same commitment to the business that he does.

Stick with it, OP!!