AIBU? HV Review- Baby 11 months autism?

[MummaHud]

hey I’m new to MN! and was hoping for some advice, stories? Honesty, etc etc apologies it’s long.

My little boy had his 1 year HV review, he was 11 months at the time of the review, but 9.5 months corrected. ( he was 6 weeks premature so they go by due date for milestones ) They gave me a questionnaire that was 9months and 0 days - 9 months and 30 days to fit in with his ‘actual age’

He is doing really well with his gross motor, but not so well with his communication.

There were 6 communication questions…

1. Does he make sounds like Da, Ba, Ka, Ma- ✅ he does.

1. Does he make sounds together like Da-da, Ba-ba, Ma-ma- ✅he does

1. Does he imitate the sounds he makes back to you, if you say them first- for example if I said

Dadadada, would he copy me? - 🚫 No he doesn’t

1. Does he follow commands without you showing? Like ‘come here’, ‘give it to me’, ‘put it back’ - 🚫 No he doesn’t ( although since that review 2 weeks ago, he does follow ‘come here’ albeit hit and miss now )

1. Does he follow nursery rhymes without you showing? - such as bye bye, pat a cake or clap your hands - 🚫 No, he doesn’t - he can clap but wouldn’t copy or follow instructions too and he hasn’t waved at all yet.

1. Does he associate words with things such as Dada for daddy, Mama for mummy and Baba for baby.. 🚫 no he doesn’t - but he has since the appointment started crawling to the room I’m in saying mamamama, or in the cot in the mornings making the mama mama sounds, so maybe he’s beginning too?

She was saying things like ‘what he doesn’t say sounds that resemble HI’ for hello..

It’s left me walking away feeling terrible and it dragged me straight into a Google pit - words such as autism came up, which doesn’t worry me - but I worry about my son in terms off I want him to be happy and ok.

Is it quite normal for this age to not do these things and then catchup? I feel like I’m at a dead end he’s so so so much more interested in crawling and climbing than sitting and learning words and actions.

He’s so social in other ways, crawls to you, makes eye contact, reponds to name, babbles, gets excited seeing his sister, wants to play / follow her, laughs and smiles. If we put the blanket over him he will put it off and laugh when we say ‘boo!’ He just won’t put it back over himself to initiate play?

Are these reviews here to make us feel worse? He’s 11.5 months now, 10 months corrected xxx

I think what she did is premature and inappropriate. Let’s take into account that your baby is actually 9.5 months old. For reference, I’m not in the UK, and when I said baby’s ped (a doctor.) that baby says mama/dada when I ask him to, she was impressed and said that usually 15 month olds do that.

i’d definitely take it with a grain of salt. By all means, keep an eye on it and go to the dr if you have any doubts, but I personally think you have a normal baby.

sending hugs. Postpartum is tough as it is, we don’t need extra freaking out.

Wow you’re lovely.. thank you so so much. I really appreciate any type of response. He had a really tough start to life and this has just made me feel like a terrible mum when I felt we was coming out of the rough time 🥹

@MummaHudOP, I get it. My baby was born at full term, but we still had a lot of issues with silent reflux, gaining weight, etc. I had a v tough postpartum journey with a lot of worrying, so I truly get it. Please don’t sweat it too much!

Yes same here, full term, reflux etc. lots of worries, he hated weaning on food etc

My HV made me feel awful about him not pulling himself up and attempting steps at his 12 month review. I remember her leaving and feeling horrendous anxiety. He started a week later to pull himself up and walked at 14 months.

I think a lot of HV’s can be amazing but some do give out wrong info and it can be worrying to new parents

Oh and by the way I think that’s normal for a 10 or even 12 month old not to be doing them things OP xx

Thank you. My little boy was born with a collapsed lung at 34 weeks and spent 3 weeks on the NICU, then he had silent reflux, would hold his breath when feeding milk because it hurt- which lead to weight issues & now he hates weaning 😭 the last thing I needed is a health visitor informing me there’s concerns her end with his communication. It’s pushed me further into an anxiety I’ve never felt before as I’m very much far from the anxious person- this year has really shown me a new level & I fully appreciate people who suffer with anxiety as it’s really not nice!

i’m sorry it was so tough for you too. I hope you’re doing much better now!

I could literally cry at your comment. I get it and I’m sorry. I do feel that postpartum/motherhood in general is portrayed differently than my reality actually was and it made me so sad. But I hope times are getting better! Pls don’t sweat it, your baby seems like a normal baby.

I’ve just done another comment on here about my little boy and yours sounds the exact same as my little one. HATES WEANING!!!! in capitals, it’s needs it.

he’s very physical, but the communication is lacking in the areas they test- they weren’t interested that if I say ‘Hudson where’s the clock’ he will look at the clock in the room 🙃

My son was in NICU as well and hated feeding, he had breast and bottle aversion (incredibly stressful) didn’t feed properly for 5 months. HATED weaning… wasn’t interested, every other baby eating plates of food mine wasn’t interested until over a year old

He is 2 now and doing really well. Everything you have written sounded like me a year ago, I promise it’s fine and you will get through the anxiety xx

I’m sending you a virtual hug as I really appreciate your time 🥹😭

Honestly my son had less to say than yours at 13 months. Now you can’t shut him up and he’s one of the top in his year at maths and reading.

@Youngheartsrunfree007OH MY GOD!!!! Bottle refusal here too. And guess what. He’s now 1, and I can’t get rid of the bloody formula!!!! 🤣 I can’t believe it’s me who’s writing this. I don’t want to be dramatic but I’ve been through hell and back. So encouraging that your son is two and thriving!!

@MummaHudBIG HUG back at ya!

hey guys. All boys mamas here ♥️

Ignore. I would not worry about this at all (after many years of worrying myself). My son who is completely NT did not score highly on all areas of that questionnaire several times. The first one at 1 year old, He was fantastic at the ‘communication’ section, but fell behind on his gross motor as he only started crawling at 11 months. Each one afterwards he switched about the different sections as to what he was ‘good’ at. He is 4 now, and I recently did another just out of curiosity and he scored yes on everything.

Kids learn at their own pace, your little one is probably focused on other things at the minute so communication isn’t interesting him. I often found that a few weeks after my reviews my son would start doing the things I answered no too but I would still worry every time.

They aren’t there to make yourself feel worse, they are there to flag any concerns. At his age it’s not going to be a huge concern, but when you do your next one, they will double check the areas he couldn’t do last time to see if he has started doing them.

I flagged on one questionnaire I was a bit concerned about my sons eyesight - they got me an appointment at our local health centre with a specialist children’s optician and he’s had them yearly ever since even though I now have no concerns at all (hoping this will be our last appointment). I’m definitely in the camp of ‘early intervention is better than nothing. Try to see it from the side of ‘it’s better to know any issues sooner than later’ that way if you son ever did need some support in a particular area, he will get it earlier rather than later.

Also he had silent reflux and was underweight for years! No interest in food, really hated weaning, didn’t like his special cow’s milk protein allergy formula… miles more interested in running round and exploring than anything else.

I should probably add that he has ADHD. But he has zero communication issues now and is doing really well in school.

As mum of two with autism I'd say take what the HV says with a pinch of salt and ignore. I don't rate HVs many with autistic children don't and refer all concerns to a GP. There has to be some understandinging about complexities of presentation rather than the tick box approach. My dd was referred to a paediatrician at 12 months because of my concerns around autism, I didn't have a HV just saw the GP.
Your little one sounds like he's doing really well after a tough start don't let this one incidence overshadow that and spoil what is a lovely time. If much later down the line you have concerns around communication see if you can self refer to speech therapy they are the most knowledgeable around speech and communication.

Bottle refusal is incredibly stressful, my sons 2 now and will not give up the bottle!! Funny isn’t it 😂 went from hating it to asking for milk every morning. He will drink from straw cups and sippy cups fine but morning milk has to be in a bottle

Just to add a little reassurance on the weaning, my eldest hated it too. Average daily meals was a single cheerio, and a strawberry if I was lucky. Screamed and arched their back if I dared offer food. They took to it around a year-ish, once they started nursery & saw all the other children eating. Herd mentality kicked in! They all get there in their own time. ❤️ They also took longer on verbal comms, but were a very physical baby.

@MummaHud I'm a neonatal nurse. Trust me when I say health visitors don't have a clue about premature babies! Do you have consultant follow up? You might not at 34 weeks, but if he was vented for a while for a pneumothorax they might have. That is much more reliable for meeting milestones than a health visitor. We wouldn't expect "catch up" until 2 years.
Also, did your son get transferred to another unit in the region? Your story/his name sounds similar to a little on I looked after :)

Ladies, can I just say how I love moms standing up for moms? I love this thread!

All the things you said yes to is right. All the other ones all my 4 couldn't do at that age.

I lovely, he was born down south at MMH. He was vented due to pneumothorax, and I must say the first 5 months of his life was so stressful focused on feeding, due to reflux and bottle aversion I don’t think he probably had the energy to focus on learning new things! - it was a lot for us as parents, but I can’t imagine what he was going through with all the pain and being scared at the sight of a bottle 🥹

he’s loving milk now & needs no carobel to thicken it… he loves the cuddles and the warm milk and it’s just so heart warming to see. Food is trickier, he’s just not interested- would happily now take 6-8 bottles a day and 6 months ago I never thought we’d be here so I’m happy and lapping up the milk cuddles I never had before!

he has a follow up with neonatology in June, he was on 6 weekly, then 3 monthly and now 6 monthly. They kept him on due to his weight issues & lung issues in the past.

im so worried about his communication now, I just hope one day it ‘clicks’ - but after everything he’s been through im so worried it won’t :(

Me too! Nothing stronger than a heard of mums uplifting one that’s worried. I fully appreciate you lovely ladies dedicating your precious minutes to message me xxx

It's my understanding that when they do developmental assessments they keep asking questions till you have said the child isn't doing something a certain number of times in a row (eg three). A bit like spelling or reading tests.
So even if your child is developmentally way ahead you will always finish the assessment saying they can't do several things.

He sounds absolutely delightful and totally perfect! My daughter couldn’t pull to stand or do any steps at 11m review and they talked about how her physical development was behind. She went from nothing to running about 2 months later and hadn’t stopped since! 😂 take it all with a massive pinch of salt, you’re doing a great job!