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AIBU?

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Original poster

Primary and bullying

30 replies

Pnxjwy · 17/03/2025 17:45

DC is in y3 and since the start of the year has been targeted by a child in their class - verbal threats but also physical violence particularly at playtime. We've spoken to the school and they are aware. Promised they will keep an eye on it.

At pick up today, the teacher came to me to tell me about yet another incident. DC was thrown to the ground and kicked. Am fed up but not sure what more that we can do.

The child in question has developmental issues so it's not a question of him needing him to be told off. However, what else can we do?

OP posts:
GRex · 17/03/2025 17:50

Please don't buy into the line about how another child's development issues mean that your child's injuries and feelings don't matter. We went through that loop for a long time, unfortunately escalations lead to school treating parents of the victim as the problem. If teachers at your DD's current school are determined not to prevent him from being hurt, then all you can usefully do for your son is to move him to a different school.

lunar1 · 17/03/2025 17:55

Ask them, in writing to outline their plan for keeping your child safe in school both physical and mentally.

don’t mention the other child, their needs are irrelevant to their responsibility to your son and his wellbeing in school. Make it very clear that you expect a solution and for it to never happen again.

Wowzel · 17/03/2025 17:58

Ask them what they intend to do to safeguard your child at school

Silvertulips · 17/03/2025 17:59

Look up the complaints procedure it will outline all the courses of action open to you.

Formal complaints these can be used to help asses and get help for the child causing the issues - write them carefully as they will be shared.

Ask to speak to the head teacher and say what you want to happen, child away in the class, incidents to be recorded and they must call you immediately.

Playtimes to be supervised.

Honesty - I wish I had moved DD - biggest regret now.

Original poster
Pnxjwy · 17/03/2025 18:03

I spend quite a lot of my time at the school and I get that the child has issues. However, they need to monitor him. But beyond telling them yet again that there are issues, it doesn't change things. They know about the incidents and the kid spent the rest of the day in the head's office.

OP posts:
lunar1 · 17/03/2025 18:40

It’s easy to fob you off when you focus on the other child, because they can’t tell you anything. Focus only on your own and they will have to answer properly.

Original poster
Pnxjwy · 17/03/2025 18:45

What could we ask for in relation to our child?

OP posts:
lunar1 · 17/03/2025 18:46

Their action plan to keep him safe while in their care

DollydaydreamTheThird · 17/03/2025 18:51

Do what I did. Type a very authoritative email into school demanding that the bullying stops now as it is affecting your child's mental health. If it doesn't stop immediately you will be approaching the child's parents and also complaining to the local authority and local MP.
Within an hour of sending the head of the key stage will be phoning you and putting a bullying action plan in place. Make sure every single incident you child reports to you is emailed into school so you have a record and can prove it. Do not be all nicey nicey they have a duty of care towards your child and they are failing.

RareMaker · 17/03/2025 18:53

Email head and CC in safeguarding staff etc ask what they are doing about it and what they do if it doesn't stop. Xx

RareMaker · 17/03/2025 18:53

DollydaydreamTheThird · 17/03/2025 18:51

Do what I did. Type a very authoritative email into school demanding that the bullying stops now as it is affecting your child's mental health. If it doesn't stop immediately you will be approaching the child's parents and also complaining to the local authority and local MP.
Within an hour of sending the head of the key stage will be phoning you and putting a bullying action plan in place. Make sure every single incident you child reports to you is emailed into school so you have a record and can prove it. Do not be all nicey nicey they have a duty of care towards your child and they are failing.

Edited

This.

Report everything!

Original poster
Pnxjwy · 17/03/2025 19:17

I've already done all of this. Have emailed safeguarding head with all the incidents. Have emailed my MP. They still don't have anyone supervising the child in the playground at break time.

OP posts:
Tricho · 17/03/2025 19:21

Pnxjwy · 17/03/2025 17:45

DC is in y3 and since the start of the year has been targeted by a child in their class - verbal threats but also physical violence particularly at playtime. We've spoken to the school and they are aware. Promised they will keep an eye on it.

At pick up today, the teacher came to me to tell me about yet another incident. DC was thrown to the ground and kicked. Am fed up but not sure what more that we can do.

The child in question has developmental issues so it's not a question of him needing him to be told off. However, what else can we do?

It's not a question of the other child needing to be told off?

You're being far too lenient

Of course it is.

Original poster
Pnxjwy · 17/03/2025 19:24

Beyond emailing the safeguarding head, senco, class teacher, the MP - what else can I do? We've done all that. They have said they are aware of the issues and keeping an eye. That's clearly not working but I am just not sure what else is possible. Will ask for a detailed safeguarding plan.

OP posts:
Wishyouwerehere50 · 17/03/2025 19:25

Pnxjwy · 17/03/2025 19:17

I've already done all of this. Have emailed safeguarding head with all the incidents. Have emailed my MP. They still don't have anyone supervising the child in the playground at break time.

Sounds like the other pupil requires a 1 to 1, but it sounds like there's no EHCP and the school don't have the resources ( they're saying) to provide the 1 to 1.

Do you have incidents presented like a diary log. So on this date my child reported x,y,z.

I didn't see if you've gone to the Governors?

Wishyouwerehere50 · 17/03/2025 19:27

It is absolutely reasonable to say in writing, copying in the relevant Governor, that you require specific details of how your child will be safe from bullying each day they're in school. That specific detail needs to include who they can go to at any time, a safe place they can go to etc.

Original poster
Pnxjwy · 17/03/2025 19:27

@Wishyouwerehere50 yes, the child clearly needs a one to one and does have one in the classroom but not at break times. The child doesnt have an ECHP. Our governors don't have much power.

OP posts:
Wishyouwerehere50 · 17/03/2025 19:29

Pnxjwy · 17/03/2025 19:27

@Wishyouwerehere50 yes, the child clearly needs a one to one and does have one in the classroom but not at break times. The child doesnt have an ECHP. Our governors don't have much power.

In your reply email where you ask for specific details regards how they can keep your child safe, I'd be asking for total clarity regards break and lunchtime. Exactly what can school do and will do so she feels safe.

onetwothreefourfive11 · 17/03/2025 19:30

I would take my child out until you have answers

go to the police, Ofsted

i have seen many children take their own lives due to bullying

Screamingabdabz · 17/03/2025 19:36

Why does a child’s development issues mean it’s ok for him to throw another child to the ground and kick them? If he’s in a mainstream school and year 3, he does need be ‘told off’ and taught better coping skills.

Excusing this behaviour is doing him no favours. The sooner he can play with other children in a resilient and reasonable way, the sooner those skills will benefit him in all sorts of other areas.

Shetlands · 17/03/2025 19:40

Pnxjwy · 17/03/2025 19:27

@Wishyouwerehere50 yes, the child clearly needs a one to one and does have one in the classroom but not at break times. The child doesnt have an ECHP. Our governors don't have much power.

That's not good enough. They need to supervise the child at break times to ensure the safety of the other children. Make an appointment with the Headteacher and tell him/her that the school is failing to safeguard your child at break times and you want to know what the school intends to do about it. Don't be fobbed off with 'we don't have the staff' because they do - they'll be having their toilet/tea breaks while the child with behaviour problems is outside. The HT can arrange for the child's one-to-one to have their break before or afterwards or assign a rota of TAs to cover the child's breaks. Don't let your child's safety (or happiness at school) be compromised by the school's lack of funds/staff. It's not your problem, it's theirs (and I'm saying this as a retired HT myself). Good luck!

DisneyTokyoNewbie · 17/03/2025 19:48

Email them daily. "I am still awaiting a detailed plan of what you plan to do to keep my child safe from harm whilst he is in your care?"

tinygreengrass · 17/03/2025 19:48

Tell the school if they don’t resolve the situation you’ll be complaining to OFSTED, as you’re concerned they don’t have robust and effective safeguarding process in place

Shetlands · 17/03/2025 20:21

DisneyTokyoNewbie · 17/03/2025 19:48

Email them daily. "I am still awaiting a detailed plan of what you plan to do to keep my child safe from harm whilst he is in your care?"

It's a good suggestion but emails appear to have failed and now the child has been thrown to the ground and kicked. I think a face to face meeting with the HT is required.

Original poster
Pnxjwy · 17/03/2025 22:01

Will ask for a safeguarding plan tomorrow. DC was begging me not to school tomorrow, just to get one day off from feeling scared.

OP posts: