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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He wants to dominate everything

34 replies

Lollyp2 · 16/03/2025 22:58

My partner and I seem not to agree on many things.

It's either we go by what he wants or I am mostly the one who backs out and let's him be the boss.

He pretends to ask my opinion but eventually does what he wants.

Basically I can't even change anything in our house as it always stirs up trouble.
Whenever I suggest even purchasing something for our house, it's met with "we don't need it, or if I ask his opinion on something I would like to get for our home he meets it with " do whatever you like".
Recently we went to buy a door carpet that he has declined for ages.I had to put my foot down as I really tire with cleaning the door step "which my partner doesn't do".When we were at the shop, he kept looking at his phone chatting with his friend who had a party later and when I asked for his opinion all he said was "I wouldn't even be here at this time were it not for you"

What to do?
Are we really a team?

OP posts:
BansheeOfTheSouth · 16/03/2025 22:59

Move out. He treats you like the door mat you just bought.

BadBerlin · 16/03/2025 23:07

Why do you have to ask permission to buy a doormat?
What happens if you just get one?

Devianinc · 16/03/2025 23:11

He sounds lovely. This isn’t going to magically get better. It sounds like he doesn’t even want to be there. He’s giving you shit about a door mat. That’s very low on the issue of importance. It’s sounds like he doesn’t want to spend any of his money on what you like. Leave, you can do better

Maitri108 · 16/03/2025 23:28

I'm not clear on what's going on. Do you ask his opinion or are you asking his permission? Whose money is it? Do you ask his 'opinion' on everything you buy including things like clothes?

offmynut · 16/03/2025 23:31

Why are you with him.

EuclidianGeometryFan · 16/03/2025 23:39

BadBerlin · 16/03/2025 23:07

Why do you have to ask permission to buy a doormat?
What happens if you just get one?

This.
Just buy the doormat or whatever household item you want. No need to involve him, and certainly don't ask him to come along and be involved in choosing - that is just unnecessary. I am not surprised he had no interest in it.

If you don't have access to joint finances, that is another matter, and potentially financial abuse.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 17/03/2025 00:04

You’re clearly not a team. Why can’t you just buy the doormat yourself? Does he control all the money?

Topseyt123 · 17/03/2025 01:15

Dump him. It hardly sounds like romance of the century and you say that you hardly agree on anything anyway.

Why do you need his permission to buy a doormat? Just get one. Preferably one that says "Partner Fuck Off" rather than "Welcome."

Miaowzabella · 17/03/2025 02:12

Being a couple does not mean you need to make every minor decision together. If you want a doormat, buy one. If you don't have access to money, that is a much bigger issue.

Samora · 17/03/2025 02:14

Break up and move on

Tbrh · 17/03/2025 02:25

Why are you with this loser? It won't get better

arcticpandas · 17/03/2025 05:29

He obviously thinks you don't need a doormat since there is already one at home.

babyproblems · 17/03/2025 05:42

Get rid. What is the point of this really!!!?? Permission for a door mat??? Seriously x

Feefifothumb · 17/03/2025 05:57

Lollyp2 · 16/03/2025 22:58

My partner and I seem not to agree on many things.

It's either we go by what he wants or I am mostly the one who backs out and let's him be the boss.

He pretends to ask my opinion but eventually does what he wants.

Basically I can't even change anything in our house as it always stirs up trouble.
Whenever I suggest even purchasing something for our house, it's met with "we don't need it, or if I ask his opinion on something I would like to get for our home he meets it with " do whatever you like".
Recently we went to buy a door carpet that he has declined for ages.I had to put my foot down as I really tire with cleaning the door step "which my partner doesn't do".When we were at the shop, he kept looking at his phone chatting with his friend who had a party later and when I asked for his opinion all he said was "I wouldn't even be here at this time were it not for you"

What to do?
Are we really a team?

As others have said, why do you feel the need to ask his opinion about everything you want to buy or change in your home?

Being a couple doesn't mean you have to agree on everything, have to buy things together, or that you can't do something that the other person may not be quite so keen on. You still have autonomy in your life.

Just because he is a man doesn't give him the veto in your relationship. So either stand up for yourself or end the relationship.

Shoxfordian · 17/03/2025 06:02

It doesn't sound like you're a team at all. Do you really both need to be involved in every little purchase for the house?

Bananalanacake · 17/03/2025 07:26

How long have you been together.
Who owns the property you live in.
Do you have DC together.

arethereanyleftatall · 17/03/2025 07:34

can you add to your info given about why you have to ask him to get a door mat?
when I was married, this wouldn’t have been a discussion, I would have just bought a door mat.

Someonelookedatmypostinghistorysoichanged · 17/03/2025 07:45

Yabu to even ask him about purchasing such a dull item.
If he reacts badly to you doing simple tasks and purchases. Then he is controlling and of course, yes, you run, not walk, but run.

DenholmElliot11 · 17/03/2025 07:46

Miaowzabella · 17/03/2025 02:12

Being a couple does not mean you need to make every minor decision together. If you want a doormat, buy one. If you don't have access to money, that is a much bigger issue.

This, surely?

Who goes with their partner to buy a doormat anyway, thats odd.

Original poster
Lollyp2 · 17/03/2025 19:49

The only reason why I told him about it was that he knows plenty of places to get household stuff-more than I do because I haven't lived in Brussels long enough.
He offered to take me there.

I also think he was distracted as he was planning to attend a friends party which he had forgotten about.So after him being impatient and bored as we looked for the mat, I was too exhausted to go & sit in a pub with his friends while 20weeks pregnant so got into a bus & went home.Some pallava it was.

I moved into his house so as much as he says we now own it as we are married, it doesn't feel so.
Every suggestion I make into a change in the house is declined or met with indifference.
Sometimes he makes perfect sense about not needing it but mostly I feel it's derogatory.

OP posts:
BadBerlin · 18/03/2025 15:30

Well there you go, he doesn't see it as 'your home' it's his home. It was perfect in his eyes, so can't see why you need to change it.

Just tell him how you feel, that its his home not yours, so you'll be getting some stuff just because you like it and want to feel like your home too.

Assuming it's your first, in 20 weeks his kingdom is going to be invaded with a riot of baby paraphernalia, babygros and muslins, shortly followed by a storm of brightly coloured plastic tat so he might as well relax about a doormat. Everything's about to change.

OneQuirkyPanda · 18/03/2025 15:49

I ask his opinion on something I would like to get for our home he meets it with " do whatever you like".

Is he being sarcastic or is he telling you to buy it if you want as he isn’t bothered either way?

Gliblet · 18/03/2025 16:00

What happens when you just go for it and buy something for the house? Or do something because you think it's a good idea?

ErrolTheDragon · 18/03/2025 16:11

It doesn't sound like an equal partnership.

Zipline · 18/03/2025 16:15

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