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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU or is this selfish move

69 replies

quirkyquerty · 16/03/2025 21:13

5 yo DC was sick this evening. I took him upstairs, cleaned him up and got into bed with him to help him to fall asleep.

I then went in to my own bedroom where my DH was, and told him I was going to grab something to eat, did he want anything? DC then woke up and was sick again. I change the bedding, put a wash on, mop the floor, clean the loo and have a shower because he'd got a fair amount on me, too.

I get DC back to sleep in a different bed for now, then go to dry my hair.

DH comes up with a fancy little platter of breads and goats cheese and sliced pears for himself. I asked if he had thought to do something for me, too, to which he said no. I said I'd go and do it myself if he keeps an ear on DC, to which he replied there's no ingredients for it left, he'd used it all.

A bit later I've gone down to get a cup of tea and in the fridge - pears, goats cheese, and on the side some nice bread. When I asked DH, he said he wanted it for his lunch tomorrow, so told me it had all gone.

He can't see why it's upset me- and I'm not sure why it has upset me so much, perhaps because there's nowt else in the fridge because food delivery is first thing tomorrow, perhaps because it would never happen the other way around.

I don't think I'm selfish person, and struggle to get my head around the logic when he does things like this

OP posts:
PullTheBricksDown · 16/03/2025 22:10

PLEASE tell us you've now eaten it. If not, go and eat it now. Even if you don't feel like it.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 16/03/2025 22:11

ShittyShouter · 16/03/2025 21:43

Selfish, lazy, mean. What a horrible man.

sums him up perfectly

what are his redeeming qualities?

CautiousLurker01 · 16/03/2025 22:13

ChildrenOfTheQuorn · 16/03/2025 21:18

I hope you ate it.

This - he can buy himself some lunch in the morning. With any luck he’ll catch whatever your DC has, though, in which case insist he cleans up after himself…

SwerveCity · 16/03/2025 22:13

Is he usually such a selfish prick?

LurkyMcLurkinson · 16/03/2025 22:16

What a horrible toad he is. Is prioritising himself over you and his child typical behaviour for him?

Endofyear · 16/03/2025 22:17

What an absolutely selfish pig 😠 I wouldn't be able to look at him let alone share a bed with him!

Tiswa · 16/03/2025 22:18

Did you eat it I hope you dod

and why are you doing all the cleaning?

MounjaroOnMyMind · 16/03/2025 22:21

He is horrible. Completely selfish and a gaslighting liar who can't even help his own sick child or his hungry wife. Awful.

GreatTheCat · 16/03/2025 22:27

What a selfish prick. Does he have any redeeming qualities?

Sayithowiseeit · 16/03/2025 22:32

He sounds like the type to say "well I made my own food when you were busy to help you out so you didn't have to do me any" and then not understand why you then throw a lamp at him

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 16/03/2025 22:41

I hate that women have been conditioned so much to believe they are over emotional/ over reacting due to being on their period, when it's clearly normal to be upset that their partner is displaying selfish, uncaring and unkind behaviour towards them.

OP he knew you were wanting to eat; you'd literally just told him. AND you offered to get something for him which shows you st least treat him with kindness and respect.

He ignored you, and then lied to you, and was planning on leaving you without anything to eat, so that he could have two nice snacks instead of you having one each. How the actual fuck would that behaviour ever be ok?

Delphiniumandlupins · 16/03/2025 22:41

Eat most of it. Lick the last little piece of cheese and leave it for him. Is he frequently a useless, selfish twat?

Introducingme · 16/03/2025 22:45

That has made me feel so sad.
What a selfish dick he is.
Please say you ate the food.

GoodOldTrayBake · 16/03/2025 22:49

Fountains · 16/03/2025 21:20

Eat the lot, then go upstairs and suffocate him with a pillow.

This! This is one of the worst examples of a husband I’ve read on here. “Prick” doesn’t cover it. I couldn’t imagine treating a spouse like that. What a cunt.

AyeDeadOn · 16/03/2025 22:53

I wonder what else he lies about to get his own way at your expense.

Easterbunnygettingsorted · 16/03/2025 22:53

The only plus point in your thread was that you def aren't pregnant..
I hope you ate the entire contents of your fridge. .. And take some time to rethink your future...

friendlycat · 16/03/2025 23:01

I really don’t think I could be with someone that selfish. It’s not a wonder you’re upset I would be too.

He didn’t think of you at all when sorting out food for himself, then the double whammy of telling you there was none similar left because he wanted it for lunch. He could have bought lunch but would have preferred to see you going without something to eat.

Sometimes people show you who they really are and you should take on board what they show you. I would be extremely upset at this and would really judge my relationship and look at all aspects of it.

Devianinc · 17/03/2025 01:10

I’m really sorry that this is happening to you right now. I know doing what you’re doing taking care of your sick is so emotionally and physically hard on your mental state. We’re all here dumping on your husband and I think you know he’s not a great guy but do you have a family member or a close friend that you could call right now that could help you and I mean just talking. What he did was a low blow and is hard to really realize the impact that he’s just thrown upon you. I hope you have someone you can lean on right now. Wishes nothing but love and I really hope things get nothing but better from here on in. I’m so sorry for what happened.

Icanttakethisanymore · 17/03/2025 21:58

“I’m not sure why it has upset me so much..”

REALLY??? Are you fucking kidding me? You are so beaten down by this selfish twat that you can’t even articulate why this is unacceptable??

He doesn’t care about you. He only cares about himself.

what a fucking shambles of a man.

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