Help! I can't shake wanting a 3rd child

[LovingLivingLife]

All the logic tells me 2 and done. I am definitely being unreasonable to still want another.

I had 2 C-sections, I think a third will probably ruin my body. Pregnancy with my last was tough on my body.
We have 2 gorgeous, healthy girls.
The pregnancy and post partum hormones made me a nightmare, it's taken me nearly 2 years to get back to normal and want any kind of sex life again. I don't want to put that kind of strain on our marriage again.
There's already a lot of noise in our house, I get over stimulated as it is.
I'm ready for more exciting holidays and not having to cater to very little people.
I'm ready to carry on with my career and get properly stuck in again.

But I just don't feel done, and not does DH. Both my DH and I are only children and I would love to have a bigger family. We have left decent age gaps and I think we could give them each individual attention.

Is it normal to long for a third? Do most people just look at the list of negatives and eventually get over it?

I’d focus on coming to terms with stopping at two. It’s ok to feel sadness and discomfort. Just sit with the feelings.

When you’ve got 3, you’ll want 4. It never ends.

I disagree. I had a third, who is now 2.5 and am now absolutely done, but in a nice way. The yearning after dc2 was unbelievable.

Op i also had 3 c sections. 1 emcs and 2 electives. Life is pretty good albeit we don't do trips abroad or drive nice new cars. it's happy chaos. If you have some time (age I guess) give it a few months and see if you still feel the same?

I don’t think it’s the norm to long for a third. It sounds like you do genuinely want it. Not saying you should go for it necessarily but I don’t think this is something that everyone feels.

I was the same. tried to suppress my feelings and stick with two but eventually realised it was really important to me and luckily was able to have a third kid (coz I waited about 4 years before taking the plunge and by then was over 40). after my third I felt the family was complete. I just felt there was someone missing in the family until then.

I had that longing too for No3 and I’m so glad I went for it, absolutely no regrets as I don’t think the urge would have left me. I had 3 aged 4 1/2 and under so intense few years but close together worked for me. DS2 and DS3 are absolutely best friends as well as brothers always holidaying or going to gigs together, they even work together (and both still live at home) However I did realise I was done, all healthy big strong lads now in their early 20s, wouldn’t change it for the world or want to wonder at what might have been Must admit my ovaries did start twitching again early 40s but that was just realising my biological clock was ticking away.

I too had the longing. I used to see families with 3 children and the desire for that was so strong. We went ahead and I have no regrets whatsoever. Never had any urges for 4.
You listed quite a few reasons why you shouldn’t have one so it may be hormone overdrive or a genuine desire. You’ll have to figure it out.

Thank you for sharing! Part of my concern is that it's so difficult to find any information on health outcomes after 3rd C-section. Did you manage to find any reliable information? I'm so worried I will get bladder damage or something similarly awful or that it will be impossible to rebuild my core.

Your story really resonates with me. This is exactly how I expect I will feel when they're all grown up. Such a small age gap, you must have had a busy first few years!

I tried, I really have 😅 it's been over a year of trying to ignore it, sit with it, hope it passes but it just hasn't.

I've really longed for a third for 5 years, 3 years ago we had a really proper chat and decided to try , and someone told me we'd never regret a third baby but could regret not trying. Which stuck with me.
Sadly our journey has not been simple and despite conceiving very easily with my other DC, it took 2 years to conceive again and I’ve since had 2 first trimester losses and a second trimester loss. The pull is still there but I’m more torn now. Especially with my age, and now a big age gap. I also had 2 x c sections ( emergencies) and when I was induced for my second trimester loss in August, consultants were supportive for us trying again even though a full term baby would be a third c section.
The desire probably won’t go away, and I wish we’d tried when we first started feeling it, as time is previous and goes very quickly! If that helps at all.

I'm still pregnant with number 2 but already yearning for number 3, I think when you know you know. All my family have 3, I'm 1 of 3, it just feels right. I can't wait to have all my babies. If you genuinely can't shake the feeling I say go for it. You won't regret it. But this feels like something you will continue yearning/regretting for years x

@Mamofboys5972 you are absolutely right with that. For me it's been years. I'm one of 3 and my husband is one of 3 and I think it's almost how I just assumed it would be!

I’ve had 3 c sections, recovery was a lot easier as I knew what to expect. All done via the same scar as well.

Have 11 years between middle and youngest. Was definitely my third and final ☺️

Do you have room for a third? Can you afford a third - both money and time for them? How would your children be impacted by a third?

Thank you for sharing your story, sorry it's not been a straightforward path to building your family. I really hope that things work out for you and your family soon ❤️

I completely agree with the thought of getting on with it sooner than later. I'm mid 30s now and wouldn't like to leave it too much later. DH and I have agreed to try and make a decision this year.

Any different outcomes than with the first 2? I definitely found recovery slower second time but I suspect that was mostly due to refusing to slow down and listen to my body, running around after my then 3 year old. I would definitely be careful to take it easier this time.

I disagree. I wanted 4, had 3, realised I’m done.

Picking up on your point about 3 c sections, can you speak with a dr to discuss the risks? I had a teams appointment with an obstetrician last week to discuss pregnancy risks (including what for me would be a 4th section). I now feel like I have all the info to make a decision.

. I think my life wouldnt feel complete without my third, but my god the 3rd child causes a disproportionate amount of cost compared to the 2nd. Cars won’t for 3 in. Holidays cost double it seems. A 4 bed house as compared to a 3 bed is double the price it seems 🫣

Had four in the end and 4 section and recovery with each one was easier ..Definitely done at four lol.

We have enough bedrooms for 1 each. We would need to switch out one car for something bigger but that's ok. I would say that we can afford it with minimal lifestyle changes. The economy is somewhat unpleasant though, you never know.

Other kids would be impacted of course, but mostly I think for the first year with regards to my energy levels. Oldest will be at school. Youngest at preschool. We have lots of childcare support, so they would take baby while the others got attention. At the end of the day our time and energy would be split over 3, rather than just 2. I guess lots of families do and the kids don't seem to suffer for it?

I’m one of three kids. It’s a lot of kids in the family lol. Good luck with whatever you decide!

Thank you, I didn't know that was an option. Did you just contact GP and ask for a referral? Or how did you get the obstetrician?

Being one of one I would be really curious about your experience of it. Was it fun having more siblings? Or was it difficult to be seen and heard?