Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would this give you the ick or am I just out of date?

31 replies

kazzles · 16/03/2025 17:38

So first time trying online dating since separating from my husband of 20 years a few months ago. First guy that messages me is a decade younger than me but says he doesn't mind the age difference. Is that a red flag in itself? Then he asks what I did today and when I said I had a rubbish game of golf, he replied " I'm sure you're a better kisser". This has immediately given me the ick. He hasn't even met me and this seems unnecessarily sexual. But then I think that maybe this is normal - after all, it is dating! Opinions please! Am I being unreasonable and its fine/ normal?

OP posts:
ExtraOnions · 16/03/2025 17:40

It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks, all these matters is what you think.

Redflagsabounded · 16/03/2025 17:43

Old is full ofen wanting a quick shag. If that's what you also want, great. If not, you have to weed them out quickly and don't waste your time trying to give anyone the benefit of the doubt, because if there's even a hint, that's what they want.

CharityShopMensGlasses · 16/03/2025 17:43

Trust your gut xx no need to date someone who makes you feel icky :)

NameChanges123 · 16/03/2025 17:43

He’s only after one thing (and it’s not a round of golf).

Piffle11 · 16/03/2025 17:43

I wouldn’t say the comment about not caring about the age difference is a red flag. The kissing thing seems unnecessary … could be a good guy trying to be flirtatious, or could be a tit. I would think that a bit more chat might clarify which! And after all of that, trust your gut. Good luck.

Headingtowardsdivorce · 16/03/2025 17:45

It would give me the ick too. Trust your instincts.

PonyPatter44 · 16/03/2025 17:47

OLD is unfortunately full of these borderline sex offenders halfwits. There are plenty of nice men in among the dross, but they can be hard to spot. My advice would be to not take it too seriously, just go out with as many men as you like, don't get too attached to any of them, and have fun. Always meet in a public place, always tell someone where you're going, and don't be afraid to end the date early and go if the bloke is giving you a bad feeling.

WhoisRebecca · 16/03/2025 17:49

It would give me the ick too. It’s too forward to be talking about kissing before you’ve met in person.

nadine90 · 16/03/2025 17:53

Yeah I’d be grossed out by that too. This is what online dating is like though. Mostly frogs, you don’t have waste your time kissing them though!

BarneyRonson · 16/03/2025 17:56

Can’t be bothered to converse with you civilly, is like a drunk at the close of a nightclub. Hard Pass from me.

GladAllOver · 16/03/2025 17:57

He's after a hole in one, and it's not golf.

RaininSummer · 16/03/2025 18:00

Keep your standards high as there are some dreadful men out there and you are out of practice.

Justmonumental · 16/03/2025 18:01

Yuck!

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 16/03/2025 18:02

The first comment, not at all, that's normal

Plenty of men date older women

But the second comment is unnecessarily sexual 😭 that would give me the ick, yanbu x

PrettayGood · 16/03/2025 18:03

Ew, what a creep.

Twiglets1 · 16/03/2025 18:04

Reply “not really, I’ve got halitosis” & I guarantee he won’t be bothering you again.

kazzles · 16/03/2025 18:09

Thank you all for your advice. I'll trust my gut on this one I think and give him a pass.

OP posts:
PubicZirconia · 16/03/2025 18:10

I've been divorced 5 years and just thinking about testing the waters.

One chap I was chatting to.I could just about ignore the 'my beauty','my love' because his native language is my second.

But one 'I am ok,I have a headache but the doctor says a kiss and hug from you would help'

Absolutely fucking not,ICK

Ilovelurchers · 16/03/2025 18:10

It's just a rubbish reply, isn't it? It makes him sound like he is about 12 years old.....

I have at times used OLD with the intention of finding casual partners/ONS, and even I would have been pyt off by this!

Just trust your instincts. If they say something off putting to you, cut it off.

As for the age difference thing, I am in my 40s and would consider dating 10 years younger (were I single) but would be concerned, if I was looking for even semi long term, they might have different expectations in terms of wanting more kids. Life stage is possibly more important to determine than the pure numbers of age. Depending what you are looking for, of course.

It's slim pickings out there but I did meet the love of my life on OLD, and despite both being far from perfect, and various stumbling blocks we have faced, we are still going strong four and a half years in.

The best advice I can give is to know what you are looking for. Some people crave stability, some might be desperate for companionship and shared interests. I wanted passion and someone who rocked my world....

And don't settle for anything less. But enjoy the process in the meantime. Go on dates, have a laugh, see the funny side, and keep your powder dry. Don't get invested till a long way down the line if you. can possibly avoid it, and don't go excluosve until you know they are - don't necessarily mean in terms of shagging, ( though that too if you like,)but in OLD it is permissible and normal to be chatting to/dating a number of people until you are ready to fully commit to one.

And good luck!

LoyalShaker · 16/03/2025 18:16

Trust your gut. If it gives you the ick, then think twice. It sounds like he wants to make it sexual from the start.

Powerbombandthreecount · 16/03/2025 18:18

It's a weird comment to make and is a bit creepy and not remotely witty.

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 16/03/2025 18:20

Yuk

arcticpandas · 16/03/2025 18:21

You haven't even met and he's talking about how you are as a kisser. What is he, 14? LTpotentialB

KezzaMucklowe · 16/03/2025 18:22

Ewww no.
Absolutely not.

Frazzledcatmama · 16/03/2025 18:22

ick from me too! Not smooth at all