DH leaving his job

[Amoneyone]

I pretty much know IABU so no poll needed but I just have to share with someone and can't IRL.

My DH wants to quit his job. He hates it. I am supportive and want him to be happy but he won't look for another job first - just wants to quit, have the summer off and look for another job in September.

I am worried. The job market is pretty bleak and although we have some savings we need him to bring in money too.

My salary covers the basics at least but there would be no room for any extras - no hair cuts, clothes, presents - that would all have to come from savings.

We have a holiday booked in August with £3k left to pay that we have been paying in instalments - that would have to come out of savings (and we should never have booked if he planned to do this - we only booked in January).

We had just got to a comfortable point and now this?

DC are 7 & 9. I work PT (0.8FTE - I finish at 3.30 so I can get back to collect DC) as DH often works late/ away so I need to be able to do all the school runs. If I go to FT that would be it for a year at least, DH says I "can't" increase to FT as when he gets another job I will need to be on hand. This is a bone of contention for me.

I have always been a saver whereas DH is a bit more free and easy with money. To be perfectly honest I just don't want to spend this money on basically a holiday for him. It is supposed to be for emergencies and a mortgage overpayment when our fixed rate runs out next year.

His argument is that I have had time out on Maternity leaves and worked PT since having children (I used to work 3 days when they were at nursery) so he should have some time too. I think it is different looking after two older children to babies/ toddlers but there we are. He will only have them for 3 weeks of the summer holidays on his own, it isn't the same.

What if he can't find another job in September? We can probably manage for a year at most. He is 46, will be 47 by September and I worry that makes him less employable.

Tell him to take time off sick.

He needs to find another job but he can tell them that his notice period is longer than it actually is, giving him a couple of weeks off during the summer.

I would be happy to financially support someone and tighten my belt for a few weeks but I would not risk doing it if they didn’t have a job lined up.

It's always easier to get another job when you already have one.

Now is probably the best time to start looking, new budgets, id never want to start looking for a job in September.

No way I'd agree to this as a partnership.

He barely has a pension as he has job hopped so much and this is the highest paid role he has had (been there 2 years in May). Plus he has a company car which we will lose.

He’s the problem here isn’t he? Job hopping with little to no progression is always the marker of someone who struggles to gel with anyone. Is he workshy?

Of course he can’t quit with nothing to go to. He doesn’t get to just have the summer off because he feels like it. Absolute lunacy. Your savings are not for him to relive his school holidays.

Weirdly, job satisfaction is (mildly) heritable. Which means at least a little, it’s hard-wired. He probably isn’t going to like any job, born out by his job-hopping and issues with every job. He thinks there’s an elusive job he will enjoy. There isn’t. He’s one of those people who doesn’t like working.

Agree with this. We all know people who go from job to job, never happy, always the victim, incapable of seeing that they're the common denominator.

As others have said, the job market is difficult at the moment. Add into that a CV with lots of short term jobs on it. He might find it very difficult to find a decent job. And if he ends up doing any old job (eg Amazon deliveries) he'll hate it even more and become increasingly resentful. He needs to grow up.

Honestly, he sounds appalling and a likely cocklodger-in-waiting. What kind of dad wants to burn through family savings earmarked for emergencies and a mortgage overpayment (knowing the low rate mortgage is coming to an end) just so he can sit on the sofa all summer, which could extend beyond that? Tell him he needs to get a better job whilst he’s currently working because he’s more attractive to potential employers. Also, if you think the economy is bad now, it will get worse after April when the NI contribution kicks in. You and your family cannot afford for him to be out of work.

Is he being proactive with LinkedIn?

Is he aware that he might well be able to access counselling through the Retail Trust? It might help him to explore his feelings about the job and assess his ongoing options.

https://www.retailtrust.org.uk/your-health-and-wellbeing/your-services/counselling

My lodger has been looking for a job since June last year. It's an employers market right now.

I agree with others, he finds a job and takes an extra month off before starting.

As a 48 year old in the job market right now let me tell you, it's brutal. If he takes the summer off and starts job hunting in Sept (bearing in mind the job market is super quiet in summer) if he's lucky it'll be late October before he's in a job, as it takes a while for jobs to be advertised, apply and then go through a couple of rounds of interviews. Unless he's snapped up really quickly it'll realistically be much longer. If he's career changing I can't see him swanning into a new role in Sept against people with experience in that sector.

Also I'm furious on your behalf that he wants you to remain part time so you're on hand when big man gets his big man job and drops domestic duties again. Maybe it's time to prioritise your career and he can negotiate/look for a flexible role when he gets one.

Also I'm furious on your behalf that he wants you to remain part time so you're on hand when big man gets his big man job and drops domestic duties again.

What do you mean "drops domestic duties again"? I very much doubt he has any intention off picking up any of the domestic duties while he's having his nice summer break. OP will still be expected to do the school runs, housework etc. He needs his rest don't you know! Poor little lamb.

It’s a basic rule of life that you don’t quit a job before you have another one lined up to go to. There are not a lot of jobs around at the moment. Plus, once he has a gap on his CV, it’s always going to be difficult to explain the gap, and people who haven’t spent any time out of work will likely get the job ahead of the person with the gap (I mean particularly the first job back, obviously in 10 years it might not matter).

He needs to grow up. I once quit a job without one to go to but I was 23 or 24 so no mortgage or kids or anything. Once you have responsibilities like that, you need to put those things first. It doesn’t mean he needs to be miserable at work - just look for another job.

Just let him have a break, get himself together including his confidence and get job when ready and need.. Hair cuts gifts etc.. Everyone is so spoilt nowadays, no idea what hard life is. Sacrifice a few things and make do.. now think about countless British that want to work and can't, jobs taken, non left, disabled, illness etc etc.. And think they have to live on £300+a month. Yet everyone brainwashed to think it's a life choice.. Life is tough.. he will get another job hopefully the right 1. Life is to short for greed.

I'd be raging at him comparing it to having 'time out' on mat leave. Mat leave is to recover from birth, it's fucking hard work, and it's paid.

Absolutely no way I'd be using all my savings for a holiday. Why on earth can't he look for another job? Just tell the new job that he has holiday booked or has a longer notice period than he actually does, etc if he wants an extra break to reset

Hi @Amoneyone how are you doing?
what was the conclusion of the desire to change jobs?
Hope you are well.

Agree, if my dh said this I’d agree that he deserved a break too if he first threw up for months then pushed a watermelon out of his anus and didn’t put it down or sleep while he had his time off.

Everything he does with the kids from here on I’d describe as time out, so if he’s taken them to football you say I’m going to have a bit of time out tonight, you had some earlier taking Joe to football. Him: that was parenting ?! You: ah, not if my mat leave was time out, that makes kids football matches a mini holiday. You just had a holiday today. Parenting is not time out for me and work for you.

As someone who was told in April their entire department was being made redundant in May, so had been applying for jobs since the news hit, I only managed to get a job offer a couple weeks ago, in August. I was not just looking for jobs that would be progression in my career because I didn't have the luxury to do that, and I do believe that's the only reason I've managed to get one reasonably quickly. So really I'll have only been out of a job for ~4 months by the time I start. None of my other teammates in my dept have found a new job yet, and I worry for them. I've seen plenty of my peers who have not managed to find a new job for over a year.

So as PPs have said, the job market is really tough right now. There are lots of people being made redundant at the moment so you've got plenty of unemployed/soon to be unemployed people fighting for the same roles as people comfortable in jobs but wanting to make a move for whatever reason.

It would be insane to voluntarily jobless, especially if his plan was to eat into savings stowed away for the family, as opposed to his own savings. And especially if your mortgage is still currently on a very low interest rate... The reality of having a 4+% rate will be shocking when you work out how much more that is of your monthly outgoings. When our 1.74% rate ended a couple years ago, we ended up going from a £800 p/m mortgage payment to £1200 p/m.

Basically, your DH can't make these decisions purely based on what he wants. He has a family and has to think of how his decisions affect you all.

You are not being unreasonable!!!! You are being perfectly level headed.

he may be fed up but frankly he does sound impulsive.

and being on maternity leave is NOT a bloody holiday. That would make my blood boil. A full time job is a walk in the park compared to my mat leave !!

Zombie thread people. Though I wonder how the OP and family has gotten on @Amoneyone hope all is well

He needs to grow up and find a new job before handing in his notice.
That's the bare minimum.
He will find it incredibly difficult to get a new job once he's out of work.
Employers don't look favorably on anyone who leaves a job without having another one lined up - it screams feckless.