Gift or purchase?

[Soapladies]

We’re a group of four friends who met over twenty years ago through a shared activity. We’ve all moved away since then but try and get together every year or so. We go to various cites and get an Airbnb for a couple of nights. This year an event related to our shared interest took place in Friend 1’s city and she very kindly invited us to stay with her. She’s got a really lovely house, walking distance to the city centre, all bedrooms en suite so we jumped at the chance.

Friends 2 has a small business making a high end but not terribly expensive product - think handmade soaps sort of thing. While we were whatsapping arranging the weekend she said ‘who wants me to bring some of my new range, just launched scents x y a etc, think you’ll love them’. We thought she was offering a present. We’ve all bought from her before, happily because her products are gorgeous, so said yes, lovely. We chose various soap, one each - no one wants to be greedy! - she said ‘you sure just the one’. Friend 1 said ‘well I’d love one of the x ones too’ Friend 2 says ‘fab, I’ll bring them’. Conversation moves on and we’ve all very excited and chatty about our meet up.

Fast forward to meet up. I drove and collected friend 3 on the way, we stopped and got wine and crisps, I’d bought friend 1 something interest-related as a thank you, friend 3 also bought a present. We get to Friend 1’s house, all excited and catching up, then friend 2 arrives slightly after us, we’re all chatting away and she grabs a bag and says ‘here are the soaps’. Hands us each a little bag - packaging is really pretty - and inside is a bar of soap and an invoice for £7.50. Friend 1 - the hostess has an invoice for £15.00. Friend 2 has not bought anything. Not wine for sharing or a present for the hostess.

Now to be fair, at no point did Friend 2 say the soaps were a gift. We all misunderstood, assuming she was offering. Maybe we should have asked but how do you ask ‘is this a present or are we paying’! It all feels like a bit of a hard sell now. And I can’t understand her charging Friend 1 at all after getting free accommodation in a house way nicer than anywhere we’ve stayed before. Friend 2 isn’t tight but she is a bit gauche and thoughtless at times, if you didn’t know her well you could think she was being rude. Or I suppose she is being rude but doesn’t realise it and would be mortified to think she was.

sorry this is long, don’t want to get into trouble for drip feeding

So, AIBU?
Yes - you’re entitled and of course you should have expected to pay
No - Friend 2 should have made it clear she was selling the soaps

Have you and other friends bitched / spoke about this?

I’m guessing you and friend 2 aren’t the closest of the four…. As from the op you describe her as such…

she is gauche
she is thoughtless
she is rude
she is tight because she didn’t bring anything wine or nibbles

Not at all, we’ve just paid up and carried on

You assumed the soap was a gift. Friend didn’t say “do you want to buy one of my new soaps?”but neither did you say “how much”, so it’s just a case of bad communication, nobody is right or wrong.

Friend 2 is rude not to give a gift to her hosts (however I usually give a gift on leaving, so the host gets to enjoy it themselves and not just put it into the pot for the other guests to dig into).

That’s not the case but the post was long enough as it is! She’s lovely, a really good person but she’s the one who says ‘that shirt looks tight on you’ or, as she said to me ‘you look older now you’ve gone grey’. That makes her sound like a bitch but she’s not, she just speaks without thinking sometimes. She has foibles as we all do, me included. I’m closer to her than I am to 3, it’s just that 3 was on the way so I gave her a lift.
i was a bit taken aback to be presented with an invoice so probably in the entitled one!

But you’re still stewing on it

She’s never marketed in our group chat before, usually would be a separate message saying what fairs she’s doing, launching new products or reminder dates for last Christmas posting. Thing is, I usually buy three at a time so just asked for one because I thought it was a present and didn’t want to be greedy! But if she’d asked in the group chat if we wanted to buy soaps I’d have said no I think. I don’t like being sold to like that, feels like it crossing a line

How long ago was this?

If I’d have been the host I may have thought about producing an invoice for £15 to her for her stay 🤣🤣

Couple of days, got back today hence my asking here

And none of the other friends have mentioned to you

So why not just put to bed?

Oh well, now you know for next time.

Jeez I bet you’re fun in real life . Do you never think about things that happened recently or do you just forget things the moment they’ve happened ?!

The OP was just getting opinions like the other 98% of Mumsnet do . The site wouldn’t exist if no one could post things that had already happened .

Oh the irony 😂

my best friend of 20 years did this? Even if I had thought…. Hmmm that’s a bit odd, never in a month of Sundays would I start a thread on mumsnet days later to bitch about it. You don’t think outing? The op calls her gauche, rude, thoughtless

lovely!

It sounds like a miscommunication. The soap seller should really have said, at the time of offering, "Does anyone want any of my soaps? £7.50 each. I can bring with me if anyone wants to buy". But she didn't, perhaps just assumed you all understood that. It's a small amount, so let it go, and expect to pay in future. I agree it's a bit off that soap seller didn't bring anything to contribute to the stay and still invoiced the hostess.

I have not interpreted it as bitching at all. OP has been respectful in how she described why happened.

Mumsnst is literally a forum for asking opinions so not sure why you're surprised she is posting after just returning from a trip during which this happened. Not ironic at all.

YANBU at all.

but she’s launched a business and looking for a bit of support and it can make people a bit desperate/weird.

I think it’s a bit gross and I wouldn’t do it myself but if you otherwise like her…it’s basically a glass of wine so I’d write it off

i do feel sorry for friend 1 though 😵‍💫🥴

Gauche?
Rude?
Thoughtless?

and an very outing thread if any of the others are on it or family etc

Very close friend of 20 years?

ok we have a different idea on what bitching is

“Feels like crossing a line”

so do you intend to do anything op?

She should have definitely mentioned the price . I mean don’t sellers always price things upfront so buyer knows how much and then can make a decision. She was a bit cheeky . And she should have gifted to friend one at least something .

Oh come on, this is her business. You all clearly know this is how she makes her money. Why would she be giving stuff away? It’s so entitled to think she’d give you all stuff for nothing.

Fair enough something for the host to say thanks for having me/contributions to food and drink would be normal.

She’s a friend, not a ‘best friend’ and I’m asking because I’m not sure whether I’m being unreasonable or not. I’ve explained why and you think I’m unreasonable and that’s fair enough. You just seem quite cross about an AIBU thread on AIBU, which seems a little unreasonable to me!

To be fair I don’t know that she hasn’t sent Friend 1 a thank you after leaving and it’s certainly not my place to ask

You do understand that this is a discussion site where people are allowed to post and canvass opinions from others. No one owes you an answer or an explanation as to their next steps.

So on this discussion site we can’t ask questions? Op doesn’t have to answer but I can ask questions surely?!😂