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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it something I said

67 replies

Lilaclala · 15/03/2025 17:39

Hi, I have been casually dating a guy, have been due to see him tonight but I've not heard from him from since Wednesday evening. Our last exchange was: him...'we might have to take the wine to bed and work through those condoms'
Me: 'sounds like good plan, although you might have to periodically check the condom is still on this time 🤣' (it fell off inside me last time, which I told him about). I have heard nothing since then, despite him being keen before. Have I said something to offend him? I've asked him today if he's still up for tonight but have heard nothing....🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
Kolin · 16/03/2025 12:59

Lilaclala · 15/03/2025 19:23

Just out of curiosity, the people that have voted that I am being unreasonable, what is the reason for that?

Please don’t take any notice of the voting by strangers. Some people deliberately use the wrong choice to upset an OP.

Like a PP said it’s annoying you’ve contacted him. Who does he think he is? You shouldn’t be worried that you’ve upset or offended him, it should be the other way around! He sounds skanky for using the same condom, being a father of 3 and using women for casual sex. Not exactly a catch is he?

Sack him off before your self esteem takes a dive. You sound anxious to please him.

Anchorage56 · 16/03/2025 13:03

NovemberMorn · 16/03/2025 12:58

Maybe he just found someone else he preferred to have casual, risky sex with.

The OP doesn't sound as if she is so 'casual' about him, if she was, she wouldn't be asking for advice on MN.

Edited
Show quote history

Exactly he has found a new shag and lost interest in this one. Nothing to do with him suddenly being disgusted by her "cavalier attitude towards her sexual health" which was the reason for my response to the other poster. That poster was simply trying to make the OP feel bad.

BarneyRonson · 16/03/2025 13:04

He’s just not that into you. Once a month proved it was a tepid connection, now it’s gone cold.

oakleaffy · 16/03/2025 17:07

Quinlan · 16/03/2025 12:57

@Lilaclala
Why didn’t you stop and change the condom? Do you understand how they work? You need to stop or semen will end up being pushed up and out the sides and then it’s inside you. They also fall off and break if you keep going with the same one.

Are you on birth control other than the condoms? Did you get an STI test?

The whole story sounds absolutely ridiculous.

Dicks deflate so to ''keep using the same one'' so it slips off at the grand old age of 40 is plain daft.

A fresh condom should be used each time, not kept on a deflated penis to slip off like an old sock in a wellington boot.

Divastrout · 16/03/2025 17:52

@oakleaffy you made me chuckle 😃
But you are very right!!

StealthMama · 16/03/2025 18:07

The whole condom thing is off for me. What man doesn't know it came off, after all the commotion they make about how shit they are.That's bollocks.

He might not want more kids, doesn't stop him getting you pregnant though to better fulfil his own sex.

You were right to raise it - but step away. Find someone who won't put you at risk like that.

Snowdrops23 · 16/03/2025 18:08

I don’t think you said anything wrong whatsoever.

Tilda86 · 16/03/2025 18:24

This is so strange. After a man orgasms they don't stay hard, so the condom would have gone slack and leaked his semen. That's a pregnancy and STI risk to you. Why were neither of you thinking about this?

theallotmentqueen · 16/03/2025 18:37

You did nothing wrong. Honestly, I see it as a bit of a red flag on his part if he was upset about you wanting to make sure that he has a condom on!

Original poster
Lilaclala · 16/03/2025 18:53

I think it may be because the first time we had sex (this was only the second time) he came very quickly, and then ghosted me for a week as he was embarrassed about it...he then came back to me saying he was just really embarrassed about his performance. So this time I assume he came 2/3 times in the same condom, trying to extend the session as it were, and to make it look like he was performing better. But yes I'm surprised he didn't think about the oenis deflating between orgasms aspect. Maybe he is embarrassed about this, and that's why he's ghosting

OP posts:
MightyBust · 16/03/2025 18:58

Who cares why he's ghosting you - he either doesn't care about your sexual health or doesn't want to see you. Neither of these are good.

ItGhoul · 16/03/2025 19:13

Nobody here can possibly tell you whether this man is offended or not. We don’t know him and we can’t read his mind.

The whole situation sounds depressing, though. He previously ghosted you for a week because he came too quickly? And then next time you had sex the condom came off but there was apparently no conversation from either of you about the implications of that? And he isn’t aware that he shouldn’t be coming two or three times in one condom?

I would also suggest that if his recovery time’s good enough for him to come two or three times in one session, it’s weird that during the first encounter when he came too quickly, he didn’t just he was able to come again.

ohyesido · 16/03/2025 19:24

Have you asked him?

LavenderFields7 · 16/03/2025 19:31

He’s dating other women for sure. You have been put on the back burner. He is hoping for a better offer elsewhere, if he doesn’t get anything then he will be back in contact with “so sorry, everything has been hectic recently. Shag tonight?”

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 16/03/2025 19:35

Lilaclala · 16/03/2025 18:53

I think it may be because the first time we had sex (this was only the second time) he came very quickly, and then ghosted me for a week as he was embarrassed about it...he then came back to me saying he was just really embarrassed about his performance. So this time I assume he came 2/3 times in the same condom, trying to extend the session as it were, and to make it look like he was performing better. But yes I'm surprised he didn't think about the oenis deflating between orgasms aspect. Maybe he is embarrassed about this, and that's why he's ghosting

He ghosted you because he was embarrassed? And you believe that?

I think you shouldn't bother with this man again. He's no good at all.

Tilda86 · 16/03/2025 21:56

Is he on viagra? 3 times without removing the condom?

Newmumhere40 · 16/03/2025 22:24

Lilaclala · 15/03/2025 19:23

Just out of curiosity, the people that have voted that I am being unreasonable, what is the reason for that?

That he sounds gross

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