Is it something I said

[Lilaclala]

Hi, I have been casually dating a guy, have been due to see him tonight but I've not heard from him from since Wednesday evening. Our last exchange was: him...'we might have to take the wine to bed and work through those condoms'
Me: 'sounds like good plan, although you might have to periodically check the condom is still on this time 🤣' (it fell off inside me last time, which I told him about). I have heard nothing since then, despite him being keen before. Have I said something to offend him? I've asked him today if he's still up for tonight but have heard nothing....🤷‍♀️

Well if it was something you said you have dodged a bullet op!

And even if it wasn’t, you have still dodged a bullet, because he couldn’t be bothered to keep in touch.

I wish you hadn’t contacted him tbh! You have done absolutely nothing wrong. He is the one behaving badly so don’t “reward” that with contact. Just let him go and be irresponsible and easily offended elsewhere! You deserve better frankly 🌷

If the condom came off and it was twice used...I think I would be more worried about pregnancy than whether I had upset him.

I'm shocked he came a few times in the 1 condom. Does that mean he kept putting it back on?

Yuck.

No, he didn't take it off, he just kept going and said he'd come 2 times, maybe 3. I think it's because the first time I slept with him, he came really quickly and was embarrassed

I think hrs pulling your leg. He would have come once.

Depends how old he is.😄
His bedroom habits don't seem that chivalrous though, I hope he waited for OP to arrive before he resumed his ff.

I take it he's not a teenager as he has 3 children.

No he's 40!

Hope he hasn't had an accident.

You do realise this is a pregnancy risk? Do you?

This is weird - it's an everything risk, pregnancy and STIs.

Did you talk about it at the time?

Could he be pondering what you planned to do with the stapler on the bedside cabinet? 🤔

Good grief, what sort of grown man doesn't know to change a condom after they've orgasmed? That's more worrying than being ghosted!

Just out of curiosity, the people that have voted that I am being unreasonable, what is the reason for that?

If you're feeling anxious about someone not calling, it's because you care more than they do. It is never a good sign when you start to feel like that. And no it's not you, it's them. You deserve better.

YABU because you’re worried about the wrong thing and seemingly not at all worried about your pregnancy or sti risk.
you’re assuming the problem is you. And you txt him asking to still see him even when he’s ignored you for days.

Maybe it's your cavalier attitude towards your sexual health.

This has got to be a joke?

YABR
Best I can tell, across all the choices. men LOVE a shag. Most of them seem not to worry about protection for any reason.They think about shagging first and worry about the 'consequences' later, if at all. The 'little head' is ALWAYS in charge.
So if your casual man has failed to respond, I'd put that on him.

That doesn't sound like that's his priority so- no it's not that.

It could well be. There are women who men casually shag, and women who men respect and want to build a relationship with.
It's up to the woman to choose what she wants.

The OP has said it was just a casual once a month thing. So it wont be the condom or STI issue as he obviously is a man also quite happy to have casual risky sex.

@Lilaclala
Why didn’t you stop and change the condom? Do you understand how they work? You need to stop or semen will end up being pushed up and out the sides and then it’s inside you. They also fall off and break if you keep going with the same one.

Are you on birth control other than the condoms? Did you get an STI test?

Maybe he just found someone else he preferred to have casual, risky sex with.

The OP doesn't sound as if she is so 'casual' about him, if she was, she wouldn't be asking for advice on MN.