A religion one here -aibu to find my work colleagues comments offensive

[bagpuss90]

Hope this is allowed - a work colleague and I were discussing the dreadful case in the news this week about the crossbow killer who killed three people . She’s a committed Christian which I respect. I said how much my heart broke for the poor husband and father and his surviving daughter and how I could never ever forgive the guy who carried out the murders. She said that you can hate the sins but forgive the sinner. She also said that we don’t know the full story - wtf??? We don’t know what the killers girlfriend did?!?! It got quite heated- her saying that if the father didn’t forgive the killer - he couldn’t be forgiven by god . I get that this is what she believes and I have to respect that . I told her I thought we would have to agree to disagree . But despite respecting a persons religion- please tell me aibu to find her comments offensive ?

She needs to wind her neck in, the Bible clearly tells her to judge not least she be judged. Horrible to even comment on this stuff like that.

You can disagree with her but find it offensive? No .

I get the forgiveness but . But the other comments - no way

Some people hold very strong views and beliefs which you may not agree with. It's best to avoid this type of discussion with these people, stick to neutral work topics.

No, I wouldn't be offended that someone believes something I don't.

There is never a reason to rape and murder anyone

she is entitled to her beliefs - but why give a toss about what she thinks a figment of her imagination might "think" about someone you've never met?

Fine for her to say that, as she is a Christian, she personally would have to forgive, because her religion says so.

Not fine for her to suggest that anyone else has to forgive, or to imply that someone who was raped and murdered with a crossbow by a violent misogynist might have somehow done something to deserve it.

The first part I can understand as that's typically Christian but I'd want to know what she meant about not knowing the whole story.

Some people do forgive. I can't remember her name but there's a woman who has forgiven her daughter's rapist and killer and has made him her 'son'.

You can choose to find her views her offensive, I certainly do but she is entitled to have her views.

And here we have the offensive comments wading in as always. Interesting that as an atheist it’s respectful to say just your first line without the rest needing to be said. We don’t have to believe, we don’t have to agree, but we can do that respectfully without throwing around the “figment of imagination” remarks. That just makes you sound incredibly judgemental rather than clever which is presumably what you were hoping for.

This 100%
I would never forgive the perpetrator and in fact I hope he rots in jail. Hell too if it exists.
If Heaven exists and God forgives him but not the husband and father of the victims then I’m glad I’m not religious

I think it's unreasonable for you to be offended. You have different opinions and that's okay.

@pistaacioaquestion - you are entitled to your opinion, as is the OP, her colleague, and me.
Did I say in my post that I would make the "figment of imagination comment" to the religious colleague? - I wouldn't, but it doesn't stop that being my belief, which I am free to express here.
I simply wouldn't get involved in a conversation to that depth about religion in a work (or any) environment, and would have done the "agree to disagree" conversation stopper at an earlier stage in the conversation, but i wouldn't let it bother me to the extent that the OP has.

She's the sort that gives Christianity a bad name OP. I wouldn't even try to reason with her as you can't debate with closed minds. It's not Christianity at fault here and I can't recall any religious leaders calling for forgiveness in this case. And why would they?

Hmmm. We don't know the full story? We know enough to know how wrong the murderer is!
However, she's entitled to think like that.

She has a right to her opinion
I don't agree with it but its how she feels and as long as she isn't expressing it offensively then she can

What does she think of "Thou shall not murder"?

No you don't 'have to respect it'.

You don't have to respect her, her opinions or her religious views.

From what you've written, I know I certainly don't, and I was raised as a Christian.

It makes no sense.
She’s saying that the murderer has to be forgiven, but that the victim may possibly have done something so terrible she deserved to be killed? What about forgiving the victim (for whatever sin she thinks she may have committed)? I would put that to your colleague.

The forgiveness project has testimonies from people who’ve forgiven their child’s killer perpetrators of terrible crimes, and a common thread is that forgiveness is for themselves, to remove the burden of hate. It’s not saying that what happened was ok. It takes extraordinary strength - I don’t think I could do it. The views your colleague expressed seem to come from the direction of forgiveness being a duty and it’s not, it’s a gift that can only be freely given.

This.
Religion isnt an excuse for people to act like utter cocks, to victim blame and tell others what they would do in any given situation- I'd like to see if her children and partner were raped and murdered how forgiving she would be. It's all very well when we are thinking in the hypothetical but most Christian's I know tended to have fairly easy, trauma free upbringings who really didnt suffer any actual hardship so like to think of themselves as being able to rise above 🙄.
You dont have to respect or understand anything she says, its nonsense, you just cant say anything anti-religious in work.

Religious people are all nutters. There's no point in trying to reason or discuss with them. Yabu for getting into this discussion in the first place.

I think what was offensive was the insinuation that the victims had some responsibility which did not belong solely to the perpetrator of terrible crimes. What could this colleague possibly have meant by saying she did not know the full story? That would have given me the rage too.

She’s misunderstood the message of Christianity imo. The idea is to release you from the burden of grudge, hate, revenge, etc – but it only works if somebody else exacts justice on your behalf. The site @maggiecate links to sounds like it has it about right.

It’s a marvellous concept tbh, but—typically—it seems to be just slightly too complicated for people to understand, and eventually that makes its way into too-lenient sentencing and so forth – all the things that get normal people enraged and aren’t quite sure why our political classes don’t get things that seem like they should be obvious.

It was OPs interpretation that the person was saying the victim had something to do with it. The person said we don't know the full story, that could mean that the perpetrator may not have had the capacity to understand what they were doing.