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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you have a partner and children, do you ever feel lonely?

51 replies

keswickgirl · 14/03/2025 21:21

I am single and childless. I’m happy most of the time, but there are times (such as this Friday night) where I feel lonely.

I tell myself, and I’ve heard others say, that you can actually still feel lonely in a relationship or in a large family.

Wondering how true it is?

YABU - I am rarely or never lonely.

YANBU - Yes I still feel lonely sometimes.

OP posts:
YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 14/03/2025 21:23

I answered YABU for your poll but you're not being unreasonable, I definitely think people can feel lonely in relationships. I don't personally, I really like a bit of alone time and often come up to bed before dh just to have some peace. When I lived alone weekends could feel lonely if I didn't have plans, text a friend for a chat?

Sportacus17 · 14/03/2025 21:26

All the time.

Marisislikethesunwithoutthewarmth · 14/03/2025 21:28

I have children and a husband. Our marriage is not in a good state and has not been for quite some time. I feel lonely every single day.

AnneLovesGilbert · 14/03/2025 21:28

I never feel lonely these days and I’m very very rarely alone with two young children and DH and I both wfh.

But in my previous marriage I was incredibly lonely and unhappy, it’s definitely possibly. I could be sitting next to him on the sofa and be dying inside with loneliness.

BendingSpoons · 14/03/2025 21:31

I don't really feel lonely. I like time by myself due to not having loads of it. I do sometimes feel no-one fully understands my viewpoint on certain issues and that makes me feel lonely if I dwell on it.

Errors · 14/03/2025 21:33

I have felt lonely in relationships and lonely whilst being single. Second is definitely preferable. I don’t think I could live with a man ever again.

RandomUsernameHere · 14/03/2025 21:34

I never feel lonely but I do often miss the DC when they're at school, especially when they go back after a break. I'm generally very happy in my own company though. DH travels a lot for work so I'm used to having my evenings to myself after the DC are in bed.

Beesandhoney123 · 14/03/2025 21:35

Oh yes. But never alone.
There is website I saw recently that made me wish I was 21 again! Its called better weekends or something.
I'd do that.

GLC789 · 14/03/2025 21:36

Im actually in a very happy marriage with an 11 month old. That being said.. I can feel lonely AF on days where DH is working long hours. Sometimes to the point I cry happy tears when he walks through the door haha! All my friends are childless or had kids much younger, so they are also all in work and unavailable. The baby group mum's are nice, but clicky and as an older new mum I don't quite for into their vibe.

So in short, yes, even in a very happy relationship, a person can sometimes feel very alone.

Crazycatlady79 · 14/03/2025 21:36

I'm divorced with 2 DC. Haven't been in a relationship (by choice) for nigh on 7 years.
I feel crushingly lonely a lot of the time, but that's more to do with my internal landscape than the absence of a romantic relationship.

BigCheese24 · 14/03/2025 21:37

I don’t feel lonely. My husband and my son (age 7) are my best friends. We purposely only had 1 child so we could stay close. I know friends who have really large families and feel lonely due to the overwhelming size.

Cnf1 · 14/03/2025 21:37

Alone and lonely are two very different things.

PalazzoBarberini · 14/03/2025 21:39

Feeling lonely is a completely normal part of the human condition.

dhfkabduuori · 14/03/2025 21:44

I felt lonely when the kids were very young, when I was breastfeeding and I felt like I had this huge responsibility and it was all on me. Felt like DH couldn’t really relate to what I was going through (I had PND).

DH goes away for long periods for work, I used to feel lonely then, again when the kids were younger and more work than company!

But no on the whole it’s not a feeling I get, if at all these days. Happy marriage and children are teens now and genuinely lovely company. It’s a feeling I’m really fearful of though.

DollydaydreamTheThird · 14/03/2025 21:44

I think I've always felt a bit lonely. I like time to myself anyway but even when I'm with people there are only a handful of people who truly understand me. Even my own mum doesn't get me. Saw my best mate on Wednesday for first time in age and felt really good afterwards as I felt validated.
OP it is perfectly normal to feel lonely sometimes. If it's really upsetting you then reach out to friends and family. Arrange for someone to come round for a movie night or crap TV binge with snacks. I think sometimes we forget to be the one to reach out to others as it can feel scary to be rejected if they are busy or whatever. I know I'm terrible for this and the last to get in touch but I'm trying to be better. 😊💓

SwedishSayna · 14/03/2025 21:49

Yes because I'd like to have a group of friends to hang out with but don't... appreciate that's not the same as being without a partner though.

Original poster
keswickgirl · 14/03/2025 22:01

Thanks for the honest and helpful replies.

If I’ve ‘loved’ your reply, I’m sending love, not loving that you’re lonely x

I feel a little less lonely for coming on here to ask, tonight. Thank you. Raising a glass to you all x

OP posts:
Northernbychoice · 14/03/2025 22:03

I do feel lonely at times. I have teen DC & am in a relationship but we are both very busy.

Penko25 · 14/03/2025 22:07

BigCheese24 · 14/03/2025 21:37

I don’t feel lonely. My husband and my son (age 7) are my best friends. We purposely only had 1 child so we could stay close. I know friends who have really large families and feel lonely due to the overwhelming size.

What a strange reason to only have one child. You know there’s no guarantee that your one child will stay close to you as he ages? No guarantees anywhere I’m afraid.

Dellspoem · 14/03/2025 22:10

I feel lonely because I’m overwhelmed by the amount of stuff I have to do every day, just to make sure the kids are fed, clean, and that the house is tidy. It’s the bare minimum that needs to be done on a daily basis and it’s my job to do it as I’m on mat leave. I’m sleep deprived and exhausted, and so is DH who is working during the day and doing nights with the toddler. I guess I’m lonely because I don’t have any meaningful interactions anymore, for myself, everything is all about my new baby and my toddler. I’m an academic and I’ve let huge writing opportunities go. My career’s stalled.

I crave solitude. And company.

Tisfortired · 14/03/2025 22:11

I have a DH, 2 DC and pg with #3. Between work and family life I don’t feel lonely at all.

I do really enjoy my own company and love being completely alone, though I know being alone and lonely are not the same.

Milly16 · 14/03/2025 22:18

I used to feel very lonely when the kids were small, however many people I saw. Now they are older and I like being alone. Never feel lonely whether DH and DC are around or not.

Didimum · 14/03/2025 22:51

I have a wonderful DH and two children and am very rarely alone. That being said I don’t have have many friends, and my few very best friends live too much distance away to see them regularly. I feel lonely for friendships outside my marriage.

honeyfox · 14/03/2025 22:58

I am a bit lonely for older female company as I've lost my mum and gran, and have no sisters. I do have an aunt and a family friend I see a few times a year but miss seeing older close women regularly.

BigCheese24 · 14/03/2025 23:02

Penko25 · 14/03/2025 22:07

What a strange reason to only have one child. You know there’s no guarantee that your one child will stay close to you as he ages? No guarantees anywhere I’m afraid.

Show quote history

What a strange reply to post.

of course there’s no guarantees he’ll stay close to us. There’s no guarantees for anything in life. Confused