If you have a partner and children, do you ever feel lonely?

[keswickgirl]

I am single and childless. I’m happy most of the time, but there are times (such as this Friday night) where I feel lonely.

I tell myself, and I’ve heard others say, that you can actually still feel lonely in a relationship or in a large family.

Wondering how true it is?

YABU - I am rarely or never lonely.

YANBU - Yes I still feel lonely sometimes.

As per the first reply, I voted according to the instructions in your OP. That is, I voted YABU, because I don't get lonely
BUT
I completely agree that you can actually still feel lonely in a relationship or in a large family

If I only had dh and dc, then I suspect there could be times of feeling lonely, but I have friends, and communities from things I belong to, or have been part of over the years.

I felt very lonely in 2 of my relationships.

I love bring alone and never get lonely.

Loneliness is horrible, and I think you sort have to accept that at times it will creep up on you. Even for those amongst us that have loads of friends, family / kids in a relationship, single, married whatever, sometimes we feel lonely. I felt most lonely when I was younger, usually away from home, probably at a time when I was starting my career and was in a couple of different cities for the month and didn't know a soul, not one person, and outside of work, I didn't speak to another person day to day. No-one to socialise with, nothing to look forward to socially, despite me thinking "there must be tons of people out there like me". I'm afraid I don't have many answers, I used to just go to bed, or sometimes have a drink, then go to bed, and found the next day I was better, might be easier now with the internet. I have also felt lonely when in a relationship at times, and particularly when I had my kids in hospital, I also felt lonely, despite being in a busy ward, being loved by my family, and having a lovely new baby. It is a weird emotion. Hard to tackle. x

I feel lonely for certain people, my mum really. I guess that's different to what you mean. But there are days when I feel lonely yes, despite being married (with a young adult daughter - albeit she's away from home at present).

There's a song by Nilssen called 'One Is The Loneliest Number' which has the line 'Two can be as bad as one, it's the loneliest number since the number one'. He wasn't wrong, the only time I have ever felt prolonged loneliness was in a bad relationship.

I wouldn’t mind not being with any other man again and raise DC on my own. I would never look beyond an extremely casual connection with a man again if I really felt like it (which is unlikely).

It is all very different now with a kid. My DH changed a lot and I lost a lot of trust. I returned to work only to find it’s all very different. I don’t have close friends or family. My parents long ago gave up on me and only have a surface level sort of relationship (I would never call them for a chat for example unless it was their birthday or Mother’s or Father’s Day).

People mistake my aloofness and ability to do it all, as strong. I also need someone I can connect with in my life and I don’t have that.

I never felt more alone than when I was with my ex. We were together 16 hours a day and I would be dying of loneliness. The way he behaved towards me made me feel very unimportant and worthless. I have been single since we’ve split almost ten years ago and I rarely ever feel lonely. I’d rather be alone than in a relationship and feel lonely any day.

I was a single mum - when my dd was younger it felt lonely because I needed an adult conversation - when she got older and could have conversations and we had a routine - I didn’t feel alone - lonely for grown up talks but never alone - and we spend lockdown together and I realised what great company she was becoming.

Im now in a relationship with a baby and again - I might feel lonely because I’m in my head - but my family make it impossible to feel alone as we are so emotional intune, both my partner and daughter, that we know when someone needs a pick me up.

I definitely felt lonely growing up, I wasn’t close to my parents and everyone spent time in their rooms. So because of the lack of interaction it felt lonely. It’s easy to feel lonely amongst people when something is missing in the relationship.

I think it's strange to describe your child as your 'best friend'. 🫠

Most of the time. Being a mum can be very lonely, especially when you hsve a toddler who wants constant attention, you get the cuddles etc but find yourself talking about unicorns and playing pretend games all day. Then being yelled at by toddler when you need to do chores. The energy needed to meet the needs of a toddler as well as older child mean I have little time to socislise, think or talk to husband (who works long hours and is on a different wavelength anyway). Even in toddler groups, mums are so exhausted it's hard to remember names/faces week to week, and I'm constantly interrupted by toddler. Every time I do click with someone, trying to juggle our kids and find time to meet for a natter is a huge task, then often we don't get to talk much anyway as kids fight or tantrum, or her baby cries, or school phones to say son has forgotten his lunch etc.

Sometimes I'm so relieved to talk to another adult I chatter excitedly at them, forgetting all social manners!

I miss the company of colleagues, being able to finish a thought without being interrupted. But it gets easier when they start preschool or school, I liked volunteering at local church groups and your energy comes back.

The esrly years are like being underwater for me, I love my kids and DH, but crave adult company.

Why?

I think this is where I am.

I love my DH; he’s a good man, works very hard and we get on very well mostly - but he isn’t someone who invites confidences or deep conversations. I have struggled in the time we’ve been together with PND after my first baby and I’ve learned just not to tell him things as he doesn’t understand and it annoys me!

I felt more lonely with my ex than I do by myself.

I occasionally feel lonely if I’ve not seen any other adults for a while. But I’m pretty introverted and very happy with just my immediate family for quite a while before it gets to that point.

I sometimes feel lonely. DH can work very long hours, including late nights and sometimes weekends which means toddler and house falls to me. I know he would rather not be working (it's just the nature of the job) but doing everything else can be so overwhelming and definitely feels lonely. During his really busy periods, I actually feel better having time out alone than being in the house knowing he's working for hours in the other room.

We purposely only had 1 child so we could stay close.

What an odd thing to say.
As a pp said, having one child and "staying close" to your dc has no correlation whatsoever.

I also have to agree with @Crazycatlady79 - you need to look at your relationships if a 7 yr old is being described as a "best friend".

I don't ever feel lonely and wish I did sometimes as I'm never bloody alone
I like my husband a lot though and enjoy his company.
There are many people who don't though and I can imagine that's very lonely, especially if they have no social life outside of their family too.

I have a teen ds and a full time job. I help out with the local resident's committee. I cook from scratch, I run, we swim & practice martial arts. I read a lot. I don't really get time to be lonely.

I wonder how I would ever find time, if I did have a partner. 😊

No, I'm pretty happy with the time I get with DH and dcs. I don't have any other friends and I don't know when I'd have time to see them. I'm a sahm to a toddler and only have a few hours a week without her, and I love having that time to myself and don't feel lonely when I'm on my own. I feel fortunate that DH doesn't work long hours or work away, and his company is important to me. We have a good relationship and have fun together with the dcs.

I felt lonely very few times in my life, as everyone does, even though I enjoy my own company and really enjoy my alone time and rarely feel like I need anyone. But, feeling alone, is something I know too well. As an only child, loosing my dear parents at young age, brought a feeling of being alone in this world in most raw way possible. Still to this day, having my own family, any major good or bad event, just reminds me how alone in this world I am since they are gone. Something about good, healthy, loving relationship with parents no one can replace and neither children or a partner should. Feeling lonely or alone, both equally challenging, but normal part of life, sending you strength and positive vibes OP 😊

Yes

All the time yes, I have a partner and a child and feel lonely as hell x

I am on the other side of things now, children left home and life with dh is good. I am not lonely. But when they were little and he didn't quite understand why I needed a bit more time or a bit more love (because I was full-on in my brain with everything) then yes, I was very lonely. I remember telling dh this and he did not get it at all.
(But we got through it!)

I’m single and no children - I’m very much used to my own company and do sometimes feel lonely, but I think I’ve felt worse when lonely in a relationship.

Yeah but I wouldn’t call it loneliness, Id call it isolated. Society automatically writes you off as a mother once you have a child. Those without children no longer want to bother in my experience. What can’t we have friends because we gave birth?!