Mum keeps saying my dog is getting older

[Chipsfritesbatatas]

She says it so often, aibu to find it a bit upsetting?

We rescued her as a pup and she’s now 12, but still in good health, fairly energetic, but obviously slowed down from when she was younger (she was v hyper)
Every time mum visits, she’ll say how she’s getting older, even when my dd face times her, she’ll ask how our dog is and say she’s getting old now.

I don’t really want to be reminded of it 😔

I also have an elderly dog and I’m with you. I wouldn’t like that either.

This is the problem - you said it 'jokingly'. Sounds like you have difficulty communicating your feelings, and I know what that's like. But if you don't, you're relying on others to be sensitive and thoughtful in a way that most people aren't, in my experience.

That would make me cross too. I would say so are you Mum, you say it every time you visit and it’s annoying and boring, please stop saying it.

How does that work? How does that prepare one? Op thinks oh yes I'd not thought the dog would die until you mentioned it, I will pull back emotionally.

It's not older mum bashing it's people who say pointless things "bashing". By your reckoning, older mums and mother in laws can say anything then?

Op I would try and respond with, yes the dog is getting older, we've got a sweepstake on who will go first, you or the dog.

My mum is exactly like this too! Don't know why they need to be such doom mongers.

Next time give your mum a concerned look and say "Aren't we all?"

"Yes mum, Bonzo is getting old. She'll probably outlive you though."

Tbf, older people should be planning for and doing all of those things when the time is right.

Yes, it's not nice to be constantly reminded, but it's also not good to totally bury our heads in the sand about ageing and death, human or animal.

My mother does the same with us and our now 11 year old Doberman. MiL is 90 this year and also tells my husband she thinks when she dies the dog will too - really cheers up the conversation!

God, I hate this morbid sort of behaviour, some people just seem utterly fixated on death, ageing and dying.

Tell her it makes you feel incredibly sad every time she says these things and ask her to stop it.

Why do you have to jokingly comment back to her? Why, as some posters have suggested, don’t you just put her straight? I think this thread is more to do with the dynamic between you and your mum rather than the comments about the dogs age?

Well I would absolutely agree with you there but OP is not burying her head in the sand about her pet's eventual demise. It's not as if she's so deluded that she's taking the dog on exhausting yomps and then off to the vets to find out why it's not running as fast as it used to when it wss 3, or naps longer than it used to. She's only too aware the dog has more years behind her than ahead of her and is ensuring she has a good quality of life. The grief surrounding the loss of a much loved pet is truly awful and all her mum is doing by making these pointless comments is evoking that time of grief which may be years off, to no useful end whatsoever. What exactly might OP do differently now that she's not doing which would make any positive difference to her and her dog? Nothing. Is she supposed to spend the remaining years of her dog's life openly bewailing the fact it's getting older and the end is nigh? Utterly pointless.

If it were my mum doing this to me she'd be getting responses like, "Great point mum, and talking of getting older, when do you think you'll move to somewhere without stairs? You do know the statistics on what a fall can mean once you're over 60 don't you? I know how environmentally conscious you are mum, have you heard about liquid cremations? No? OK I'll email you the info. I think it's right up your street" and so on...

Don't say things jokingly if you mean them seriously - the message rarely gets across!
Your mum may be trying to prepare you for the worst, out of kindness, in which case it might help to tell her seriously that you are aware that dogs don't have a very long lifespan and that you will miss her terribly when the time comes; but for the moment you are enjoying having your dog with you in good health, and don't want to be constantly thinking about the sad time ahead.
That might shut her up.

I don't know about your dog and hope yours is happy and healthy for many years more.

My dog is big and has already exceeded the typical life expectancy for his size (smaller dogs live longer). He also has really bad arthritis so I know at so at some point that'll become an issue for him and I might have to make a decision on his quality of life. Don't get me wrong, he is loving life at the moment and I don't want him to die, but realistically for my dog I know he might not be here in a year. And for me, I find it easier to acknowledge that while still loving him to bits.

It’s because your mum has become aware of mortality. It’s an age thing. Becoming acutely aware that all lives are finite. It’s in the front of her mind that your dog is having his last days. Be nice to her. Your mind will shift to the same position when you get older.

My dad once called me and said "what?? Your dog is still alive???"
Mind you, he died before my dog.

How old is your mum? Mine just seems to have lost the filter between her brain and her mouth. Sometimes when I’m with her I feel like I’m stuck in a Virginia Woolf novel - it’s just a stream of consciousness. Every fleeting thought comes out of her mouth. Mostly it’s banal unnecessary commentary “I’m going to put my mug in the dishwasher and then I’m going to have a wee” but she also has repeated themes like “the dogs getting older” and “the cost of everything has gone up” or my particular favourite “Angela next door has put a lot of weight on” said (without an attempt at whispering) whenever Angela is in sight. The idea that you might think something and then just KEEP IT IN YOUR HEAD is seemingly impossible to her.
I try to push back respectfully but awkwardly when it gets too much for me. Something along the lines of “why do you feel the need to say that out loud?” It usually gets her to dial it down for a bit but she does revert to type after a while.

What???? OP doesn’t need to let go. Her dog isn’t ill. Her dog is still enjoying life, just a slower pace of life, which is perfectly normal.

Presumably because she wants to prepare you and/or herself to lose her. She perhaps has been through a big bereavement? Just tell her yes, you understand, you're realistic about your dog's life expectancy but you don't want to think about it until you have to.

I saw it on FB too, and absolutely relished at the chance to use it in real life.
She sucked her face in like she had just swallowed a wasp. She is an absolute cow anyway. All but one of her siblings are NC with her.

Why not?

Since ours turned 15 her getting old has preyed on my mind more. She has undoubtedly slowed down but still happy with a walk etc. We lost our 11yo dog a month ago after he was attacked by a Rottweiler so we take nothing for granted as reasonably expected him to outlive her.