Nasty work colleague

[Charltonstrek]

I've posted previously about this but I'm just looking for outside opinions once again.
My workplace where I was very happy for 18 years closed down and myself and 3 other colleagues have got a job with another company in the same place which I was very pleased about as we all get on well.
We work in a care setting with vulnerable service users I myself have autism and adhd and I've struggled alot in my life I feel very awkward around people maybe some social anxiety Im not sure but I probably myself come across soft and vulnerable. I'm finding it hard to adjust to the changes.
One colleague at New place is giving off vibes to me hardly talks to me ignores me only answers me in a 2 word sentence etc but chats away to the others which I gathered was because they are familiar to her.
My 3 colleagues as soon as theyve started which was after me straight away she's been chatty with them showing them things etc etc and I feel absolutely stupid and hurt by it. Before we started at this place we was aware of her been a potential problem with new people we had heard things from the manager and we was all wondering how she would be with us and when I started first I found that she was indeed not a very nice person then my other colleagues start and no issue it's really upset me and I'm wondering what to do. Family have said I should take her to one side and speak to her and that she's probably sensing my vulnerabilities.

I really feel hurt by it but I know I'm quite sensitive but the others I've moved jobs with have always been good with me and I value them but to see this happen to only me has really upset me. I noticed the other day when one of my old colleagues was with me she acted differently around me like better.

it’s A little hard to tell what’s going from your OP. Do you have any examples of how this coworker is behaving towards you?

The service users don't like her either so not sure they pick up on her badness

That isn’t really an example or specific.

She doesn't like you from the sound of it.

She doesn't have to of course, but she does have to remain professional and unless she doesn't, I don't think there's anything you can do.

I wouldn't take her to one side and talk to her as no good will come of it.

We work in individual units where we get allocated and I had to transfer to where she was allocated and I knocked the door walked in and she looked very angry and completely blanked me I said are you okay and she said abruptly I'm fine without looking at me and didn't speak to me. Everytime I went to write any notes she had her eye on me like I had no right and if I asked anything she would say why do you ask etc. She sat in silence and didn't interact at all with the service user.

I know exactly what you mean, and for me, the best way is to completely ignore the behaviour and only communicate on a professional level. Be kind, without trying to please. Look at it this way - you don't like everyone you come across in life, and it's the same for all people. This isn't a you problem, it's a her problem, and she has to live in that head.

I have the same brain wiring as you, and the above took me a long time to learn.

Thanks this helps. Agree with the previous poster it sounds like she may not like you for some reason. I can’t comment on her interaction with the service user, as I don’t know the what’s expected.

Just be professional with her but otherwise ignore her.

I know there isn't anything specific as such but she's making me very uncomfortable and I noticed that she tutted and threw her hands in the air when looking at the care folder think it may have been at something I wrote. She won't even talk to me about work related stuff.

Oh dear I've never had anybody dislike me in fact I'm usually well liked not that I'm gloating but it's true so I'm clueless.
My friend thinks she manipulative and a secret bully.

Throughout your working life you're going to come across difficult people and you need to learn how to deal with them.

Colleagues aren't your friends and are only required to be professional and do their job.

I wouldn't take her to one side, I would be polite and professional and do my job.

It's making me feel well like crap as I'm already awkward in new places new people.

That's something you need to learn to deal with.

I think you just need to accept that she doesn’t like you. If I were you I would just ignore her and only interact if you need to. As long as you are professional with each other you don’t need to be friendly. I think taking her aside to speak to her about your personal difficulties isn’t going to go well - she doesn’t like you and probably doesn’t care. Just ignore her OP and crack on with your job. You have colleagues you get on with so you don’t need her. Maybe try to remember she’s just someone who works in the same place as you, she doesn’t need to be your friend or like you.

Not sure how

You have, we all have as it's part of life.

This will be the first time someone's made you aware of it though.

And as a PP said, it's her problem to deal with.

As long as she's professional that's all you can ask for. If she gets to a point where she does something reportable, then report her.

By being professional with her but otherwise ignore her.

I know I understand but when somebody is been hostile in their responses to you it's really hard.

Yes I know we probably all get that one colleague in our working life that doesn't like us I know it's life I think it's maybe impacting me more due to my difficulties.

That's the thing she isn't professional she has had attitude to the manager and other people outside the service and job applicants coming for interviews

I'm sorry to hear that but none of us can demand to be liked by everyone.

But if she ever steps out of line and does or says something you can report her for, then you can take action.

But hopefully it'll never come to that.

There has been a incident not to do with me though not sure what will happen about that yet

Oh dear OP, you're dealing with ' one of those ' - in other words, someone who is a complete cow to you for literally no reason at all, but to others, is perfectly pleasant and nice. I'm surprised you've never encountered the type before. It's a very subtle way of bullying - Mark you out as ' other' ( perhaps due to your ND, she'll be aware of your sensitivities), separate you from the group (treating you differently is an example of this), and slyly undermine and threaten your confidence whilst never being overtly nasty ( especially in front of witnesses). Never ask her for a quiet chat; she'll twist and manipulate your every word. The trick is to treat her as if she were invisible. From now on in, keep the talk to strictly work matters, do not be overly friendly but keep it civil. Never show hurt or any sort of emotion - she'll use it against you as a weakness. You need to show strength and confidenve, even if you don't feel it inside.

Which manager gave you warning about her attitude? the manager from where you've just left from or the manager at the new service you now work for?

I recommend finding a therapist who specialises in neurodiversity. You can find therapists on BACP. I also recommend joining a union so you have support should this escalate. You can find a union here.