Should we always be kind?

[Goatinthegarden]

I got on a bus home today. I hardly ever take the bus, but I have an injured knee and had a massive backpack with me.

The bus was busy, people were standing downstairs, I went upstairs and there was one seat, right at the front, next to a woman. She was sat on her seat and a portion of the seat next to her. She had a backpack and a small canvas shopping bag on the seat too. She had huge headphones on, so I leant forward and asked politely if I could sit in the seat.

She made huge sighs, but moved the bags aggressively, she muttered ‘fuck sake’ a couple of times. I sat gingerly on the edge of the seat she had freed up, with my massive bag on my knee and tried to think charitable thoughts. Maybe she’s had some terrible news, maybe she has social challenges and can’t cope with someone next to her, maybe she has a medical condition that causes her pain if she moves. Then I thought, maybe I should just stand, I have a sore knee, but it’s not unmanageable - I could stand.

She continued to huff and mutter. The more she did so, the more my charitable thoughts faded and the more I considered confronting her. I’m no shrinking violet, but I bit my tongue because I’d hate to be unkind to someone. But FFS, she was being really unpleasant to me!

So, should we always be kind and tolerant or other people’s needs, or should we call out bad behaviour? What would you have done?

I have noticed a huge increase in this behaviour where I am since 2020. People walking two, three or even four abreast seem to expect me to step into the mud or into the road. So I just keep walking. It’s not my fault if we collide.

I don’t think we should always be kind. I always try to be polite though, as it disarms dickheads.

Forget this be kind stuff. Be grateful you are not her. No one who is happy behaves like that.

She was huffing to wind you up hoping you would respond in some way. The best thing is to ignore the winding up and NOT let on that it is getting to you.

Ive asked someone if the seat was free. She ignored me so I sat down. She took notice quickly. I did sit on her bag. She should have moved it. It didn't have its own seat. If Ive had a bad day aI am a bitch, I make no apologies 😄. I used to work in customer service.

I was walking towards a couple of women who each had a pushchair. They blocked the entire pavement and did not move. I had to walk out into the road... and I was facing with the traffic, not towards it. Bloody dangerous and bloody entitled of them.

No and I never teach my children to “be kind”. Be respectful. Keep your wits about you. I think you were kind to have charitable thoughts toward her at all.

This type of behaviour has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her, maybe she’s just a horrible person. You were right to ignore.

These days I would just stop. If I thought the buggy was going to be pushed into me I’d put my foot out to stop it. Then see what happens as we have all stopped.

The other option is always walk the opposite side to the road. So you’re not the one forced into it.

On this particular stretch of road, there is not a path on the opposite side.

When people say ‘be kind’ they normally mean ‘to me, regardless of the detriment to others, including yourself’. Of course people shouldn’t take up bus seats with their bags, should have integrity and consideration for others. But when people say ‘be kind’ the response is either ‘after you’ or ‘to whom?’

I think you played it just right. You were assertive and got to sit down. Best to ignore the huffs and puffs. Very childish of her. You are best to avoid confrontation with someone you do t know. Not worth it.

This. I take the bus often.

Yes. Always be kind. Don't give in to pettiness and negativity

I don't think it's being kind in all circumstances, I would say it's more about giving someone the benefit of the doubt - not a new concept. I would've asked her what her problem is, there is no need for this type of behaviour

How on earth does having a bad justify such rudeness? It really isn't a big deal to move your bag off a seat.

I haven't rtft but exactly the same thing happened to me yesterday. I was really tired after a busy day; the train was packed but I spied an empty seat in the middle of a triple seater. I politely asked the woman who was partly sat on it and had her bag on it if I could squeeze in. She huffed and puffed and took her bag away as though it was a child I had banished from the seat. I sat in that seat, popped my earphones in, sat back and listened to (whatever it was I listened to - I can't remember). I never gave her another thought, op. I suggest you get some earphones so that you can ignore the huffing and puffing of unreasonable cf commuters.

Or "did you buy a ticket for that bag?"

I can't stand seat hoggers like that. It's really rude and selfish.

Too much talk.

You should have taken her bag from the unoccupied seat and thrown it out of the window.

This ‘kindness’ thing is overrated.😀

She paid for 1 seat. So F her. Give her a smarmy smile and let it go over your head.

I would have wanted to call out her shit behaviour but honestly, ignoring her was the best thing to do. She was probably expecting you to say something just so she could rant. Well done for being the better person.

So people can behave how they want and can't be called out because they have issues?

People with issues are equally responsible for their behaviour as anyone else and maybe if more people called out bad behaviour society would be better?

Sure people can be having a bad day it happens if it affects other people that is a problem

Fair point. I just think there's worse things in the world to get ragey about.

I probably would have muttered stfu right back at her and rolled my eyes but I’m petty like that. Growing up, I was very much of the “always be kind” opinion but people still treated me like crap and were counting on me being that way. So I don’t tolerate it much these days. I should probably be nicer though.

I meant you walk furthest away from the road. So if there was a wall or a house you walk closer to that. That way their only choice is to walk into you or move. And if you brace it’ll hurt them more than you. If you walk closest to the road people expect you to walk into it.

Having a bad day or rough time generally isn’t a free pass to be a dick.
She was a dick.
I’m a bit of a gobshite, so 100% would have asked if there was a problem.
In my experience, people like that love to huff and puff and mutter under their breath, but when actually confronted about being an arsehole they get all flustered and try to backpedal on their arseholery 🫠

I’ve been very kind all my life and it’s brought me nothing but grief. Whoever said ‘no good deed goes unpunished’ was pretty much bang on, in my experience.

I think a better mantra is ‘take no shit, do no harm’.