To take new man to late DH's favourite place?

[Holidayfix]

Well it was our favourite place, we went there several times a year before DC and at least once a year for family holidays with DC, but DH introduced me to it as it had been special from his childhood. A beautiful place in UK where we hiked and did other outdoor stuff.

I thought I'd never go back without him and I haven't yet.

I also thought I'd probably stay single forever, but that's changed too and I find myself all wrapped up with a lovely man who's keen to share my interests. He's not a hiker but knows I love it and wants to go with me.

We could of course hike somewhere else , but I find myself excited to show him all my/our favourite spots. He probably thinks it's precious becuase of family holidays more than for us as a couple, but it's both. I have been hiking elsewhere alone since DH died.

If it makes a difference, this wouldn't be our first or only holiday together, an "extra" short break.

So, disrespectful to take him where all my special times with DH were? Or just too plain difficult once I get there?

And then there's this, that I know is unreasonable. Should I offer him all DH's old gear? I suspect he won't want it, but it will cost £££ to kit him out properly and I have all this stuff going to waste. But if he does take it, I'll be away with new man, wearing DH clothes in DH's special place...

I tried to think of it the other way round, I’ve met a partner and he wants to go hiking to a place I know was special to his late wife loved , whilst wearing her hiking gear.

I don't think it's disrespectful, I think it shows you trust this man with what's precious to you. However, if you haven't been back to this place since, without your husband, you don't know how you will react emotionally, once you do. You may find visiting this place with a new partner, when you haven't been back, a little too.much. I would go back to this place on your own first, may be even a couple of times, to see how you react. Until you go, you're not going to know what emotions you will have. Sometimes, we think we'll react in one way, but in reality it can be different. If you find visiting again a positive experience, then see about taking your partner.

Oh come on you can’t seriously want to offer him your deceased husbands clothing!

NOPE!

He might dump you after that!

Be mindful of displaying your grief too much to the new guy personally it would put me right off!

If a man I’d been dating for 6 months said to me, ‘Darling, I want to take you to where my dear departed wife and I used to walk, and I want you to wear her clothes’, I’d be figuratively (definitely not literally) running for the hills. Are you sure you’re ready to date again? I think that’s a trip for much further down the line.

I’ve been dating this guy for 6 months. He’s a widower. He and his late wife enjoyed a particular hobby together, it’s not something I’ve ever been into but I’m willing to give it a try.

He wants to take me to a place where he and his wife enjoyed this hobby. I’ve now found out that it’s a place he was introduced to by his late wife, that was really special to her since her childhood, and then became really special to both of them as a couple. He has never been back to this place since she died.

He’s also offered me his wife’s clothes to wear on this trip.

Is this wierd?

YES

Please give the hiking gear to someone else. Anyone else. Depending on the type of clothing it may be suitable for someone homeless.

And in regards to the place go there with your children first on holiday without him.

Nope. I am in a relationship with a widower and I would not like this at all! You can still go hiking just go somewhere else. Make new memories together and no definitely don’t give him the clothes!

It's a no from me op, I'd take him somewhere new and make new memories.

^ this with bells on

Agree

I am also widowed OP. I had a subsequent relationship, that seemed great but didn't work out. I regret taking him to a place I used to go with DH. Now when I go there I think of the heartbreak from the other guy, not DH. It's spoiled it for me and makes me annoyed with myself. 6 months is nothing, you'll be at the height of what you've called being 'wrapped up' with this guy. Don't risk losing those special memories, not yet. And definitely do not give him DHs clothes. At the moment it feels like it's forever, but what if it's not, how would you feel?

I would give the hiking gear someone else/charity.

I would have thought that the first time you go back to the special place should be alone or with a friend or your children. It's not the same but I remember as a young adult seeing photos of my Dad with his new partner (who he had been having an affair with for years whilst married to my Mum) at our family's special place and feeling very hurt. I am not saying that, that was a reasonable reaction and obviously it is different circumstances but I just wonder how your DC might feel if you all go together.

Personally I would prefer to explore somewhere that is new to both of you.

If you think you and kids will be ok, everything is good except the clothes thing, don't do it!
I can't imagine how freaked out I would be if a partner asked me to wear any of their dead spouse's clothes, even and including practical gear.

he sounds lovely but when you add everything together, the holiday, Dhs clothes, etc you starting to stretch thing a bit too much for comfort.

yes new Partner has been understanding and thoughtful about your late DH, but everything you've mentioned sound wayyy too much.

Im really careful with my DH2 - he sounds similar to your new partner, not a trace of bad feeling or jealousy and I can talk about DH1 which I do but very infrequently- I don't feel the need to mention someone what was so dear to me but I lost. I've moved forward and I'm grateful for my new life with DH2 and don't want to risk souring things.

don't fall into the trap of mentionitis.

That's not what I'm saying at all though.

I'm saying I love this place do you want to come with me, and (maybe but probably not) BTW, the gear you'll need will add up, you can make use of Dh's if you want to.

I don't think I do. The birthday thing was very much a one off, and I only mentioned it because PP asked how he might cope if I got upset to be back.

Sorry but it's a no from me. Trying to see it from both perspectives and honestly, if I was him I'd find this uncomfortable. It is yours and your deceased husbands special place, it should remain so.
There are many, many beautiful places to hike, find somewhere new.
The clothes are an absolute no.

I wouldn't be dressing up my new boyfriend in my dead DH's hiking gear - that just sounds awful to me. But taking him somewhere that you hold dear is fine, as long as you feel okay going there without your DH.

OP sorry if I’m missing something, but why don’t you just go to a different location?

Like one of the posters said, this is totally up to you to decide, if it is not weird to you and he is ok with it, I would say, go for it. If it were me, however, I would never do it, would not even think about it. If I did visit a place with him, I would not tell my new partner that this was my late husband’s favourite place. If I were your partner, I would be totally uncomfortable with you taking me there, offering me his clothes and even crying on his bday. All this is something I would keep for myself, but like I said, this is your life and your decision.

Because this is my favourite place in the world. I thought I'd never want to go back, but now I do.

We have been to other places too.

I think the clothes have distracted people, but I did say in OP I knew that was a bad idea 🤣

I think it’s fine to take him to the special place, provided he fully knows why it’s so special to you and so can decide for himself if he feels comfortable going or if he’d feel like he’s intruding (which I definitely would under the circumstances). But might it be better to make new memories with your new partner? And keep the old memories as special for you and your H?

I’d stick the hiking gear on vinted if you don’t want to see it go to waste. I’m a keen hiker myself so I know the cost of quality gear adds up! If you don’t feel comfortable making money out of it, you could donate the proceeds to mountain rescue or similar?

The clothes idea genuinely came from wanting to save him some money. I'd originally thought I'd see if my sons would lend him something, but now they seem to be coming with us!

I don’t think it’s weird. Sentimental maybe to not want to but equally as you say no need for it to go to waste.

I assume you like the environment so would appreciate the idea that it’s been recycled whoever you choose to gift it to.