To want 9s not 7s for my child in their GCSEs?

[ZeldaFighter]

Child is a model student and no problems with behaviour or attendance. Definitely seems intelligent and diligently completes homework, often without prompting.

Report is 6s and 7s. Husband is pleased and says they're As and Bs. He thinks only kids in private schools doing extended papers get 9s.

I got As, Bs and Cs many years ago but I always strived for As. AIBU to think they should be getting 9s or at least striving for them?

It’s a sensible attitude, not a mediocre one. If they need 7s for their next course, that’s not a mediocre grade, but it’s a fact that they don’t need 9s for it. If, however, they are looking to attend a top university beyond A Levels, then they may well be competing with others who get 9s, and therefore this may be the benchmark they need to hit. It all depends on what they want to do next.

DD, bog standard academy, 9 x9s and 1x8. Asked her for her best piece of advice and it's "know the mark scheme."

I tried hard at school and got good results, but not without consequences to my health. I do believe both my children could achieve the 8s and 9s if they revised more, but they just don’t want to. They are happy enough with where they are at. I have accepted that they are not me and what I did at school was my choice. Whilst I encourage them, I won’t pressure them.

This is such a toxic and damaging way of thinking.
Having these high expectations for your children are really, really damaging.

If they are capable and work to get 9’s that’s fantastic.

However, if they aren’t capable of 9’s, but still try their hardest and achieve 6’s and 7’s then that’s also fantastic.

Getting the highest grades isn’t the be all and end all of life. You should be more concerned about wether your child is happy and healthy.

As long as they try their best -that’s all that should matter.

It makes me really sad to see some parents who won’t accept anything less than top grades.

I have a bright model pupil as well. She got what would be considered 8s with a couple of 9s. To follow the path she needs, 7s would be enough. I'd be delighted if she was getting those, and enjoying school, behaving well and doing great socially. That's the goal for school.

What extended papers?

Sounds like they are doing very well.
Maybe think about mental health problems that stem from parents putting to much pressure on children .
Even if they seem totally fine you can never really know how they feel

One of mine didn’t try hard and got a couple of 8s, a few 6s and mostly 5s. He is very able and I was disappointed but not surprised as he didn’t put the effort in throughout secondary. I think it shocked him that he did worse than friends he considered less able, he worked much harder for A levels and got a great degree, so underperforming at GCSE need not be such a bad thing. My other one worked her best and though not as academic outperformed her sibling at GCSE and got mostly 7s, with one 8, a few 6s and a 5. I was delighted. As long as they get grades that allow them to move on to the next stage and pass eng lang and maths, it doesn’t matter.

Please tell me how this is ignorant? Getting a 9 has no bearing on whether you're at a state school or a private school and exam boards do not set different exams for private and state schools unless, as the previous poster said, they're doing the IGCSE. The only person who is being ignorant is you.

If you compare grade stats from old GCSEs it’s similar % getting A as 7. An A is very good. A or 8/9 is obviously excellent but it won’t make much if any difference to future. Congratulate and ignore anyone telling you different. I think 8/9 is unhelpful as it’s around 10% so same as old A but is being seen differently.

That really hit home for me. My parents wanted the best for me and the focus was on top grades and my academic potential. My very good GCSE grades were a source of disappointment forever after due to not getting all A*s. And I don't feel good enough to this day. I don't blame them or think it's just down to that but with my DD I am going to focus on effort and as long as she enjoys learning and tries her best and is being supported to do so I will do my very best not to focus on her grades.

What is your experience out of interest?

I secretly agree that most kids could probably knuckle down and get 6s or 7s if they really wanted to at GCSE. They’re not very difficult and we do settle for mediocre or good enough.

Encouraging a child to work hard to reach their potential doesn’t automatically lead to mental health issues. If anything, if done well, it encourage resilience and perseverance, which are all linked to future success and happiness.

The clear link between hard work and success is one that I’m keen to encourage. That said, if a child has genuinely done their very best and recieved a lower mark, that’s fine and to be celebrated just as much as a higher mark.

So yes, OP, if my child was capable of more than a 7 but received a predicted 7, I would be disappointed. But again, if they really stretched for the 7 and couldn’t do more, of course I’d be happy.

Honestly, it really truly doesn't matter whether they get 7s or 9s. The only point of any stage of education is to get enough to get in to the next stage. 9s rather than 7s will add very little to their life. But what will matter is how you make your child feel.

I work with uni students, and trust me, you really don't want your child, in 5 years time, burnt out and demotivated and wanting to quit uni, sitting with someone like me in floods of tears because they got a merit on an essay rather than a distinction, saying 'I worked so hard, I tried really hard, I got better marks than most of the class, I got 7s in everything, but it was never enough and my mum wanted more.'

My DS is year 10 and got 7/8 on his report, when we went to parents evening they nearly all said he was capable of a 9, but they don't put that on the report card as they want them to keep working and putting in the effort. I'm not to bothered what he gets, he is working hard and I will be proud whatever he gets.
My other son got 5s/6s in his GCSE, he has dyslexia so I was so pleased that he passed everything, every child is different.

Only on mumsnet would you get a responses about DCs got all 9s…

I suspect a misunderstanding / misreading of 'anyone can get a 9'.

9s are available to anyone who takes higher tier papers or standard papers that aren't tiered. However obviously only the brightest have 9s within their reach.

I sat my GCSEs back in the mid 90s so definitely the old days

The highest mark was an A* and even that was newly introduced

So long as they're working hard & put in their best effort, surely that's all you can ask for?

Yabu and ridiculous.

You're setting your child up for a future of feeling like a failure. Oh and hating you fir naking her feel like one too.

Ds2 is doing his soon, just done mocks. He knows he needs 7's in those he wants to do at A'level.

Ok so I've read a bit more

So a 9 is equivalent of a double A*

What next...a triple A*

Praise effort, not attainment

It all depends how hard your children work and how clever they are. Some kids could work 24 hours a day and not achieve 9s. Others do it fairly easily.

Be realistic about your children and what is possible.

Aha! I wrote the first post quickly. That was not what I meant. The OP needs to look at her child's target grades. The school would have told them by now if they feel their child is underachieving.