To not get MIL anything for birthday after I didn’t get anything?

[fluffypeachpatch]

Just that really. If she didn’t get me something it’s reasonable to do the same back? Been with dh almost 20 years and always done presents so no idea why she suddenly stopped but I’m hoping to take advantage of it as cba to do it tbh.

I wouldn’t be doing it at all. Bloody wifework.

It is DH Mum, he can do it.

How many years has she not got you a gift? Surely DH could ask her why she didn’t get you a gift this year?

Why are you doing it? It’s his mother..

Let your husband know that you have now resigned from this particular piece of wifework, he can pick it up or not as he chooses.

did she stop buying DH gifts too?

She’s not your mum. Leave it to her son to sort out.

Why has she suddenly stopped? How old is she? Could there be any beginnings of cognitive impairment/ dementia?

I wouldn't have ever bought her a gift when she has a son there who could! Did she acknowledge your birthday at all?

After twenty plus years I stopped getting gifts and cards for DHs side of the family. Some never gave to me (but did do the DC) after DH said it wasn't that difficult to do when I moaned about not knowing what to buy his mother for Christmas. Since then she/they got nothing because apparently it's hard for him to remember to get gifts or cards in time 😬 However, I now feel very stress-free and it's a lovely feeling ❤ Try it OP.

dh doesn’t want to ask. I left him one year to do the gift for his mum and he ‘forgot’ to do it. I then sent something but that was years ago. I do it because I don’t want anyone who sends me something to go without. But this year it’s his job and I know he won’t do anything.
I genuinely don’t know why I got nothing. I’ve seen her since. Doesn’t appear to be any problems.

shes 62 with no signs of anything wrong afaik. She did text to say happy birthday and that’s fine with me but I did wonder if I’d done something for quite a while! And it’s come again as it’s her birthday soon.

But this year it’s his job and I know he won’t do anything.

And...?? He's a big boy now so let him do it alllll by himself.

A man who can't be arsed to buy his own mother a birthday present would give me the ick, tbh. (I know that's an overused term now, but it fits here.)

Realise that's not what you asked, OP, but it seems a bigger issue than MIL not buying you one, once.

I didn't send my BIL anything this year. I realised with horror several weeks later when DSis made a quip about his advancing age.

I just forgot, and have apologised. I'll give him something when I see him. I can't imagine for a minute he's been muttering about not getting me anything by way of retaliation, but if you don't want to don't do it. Or as PP says make DH's mother's gift his responsibility.

Personally I think it's not worth the fall out

What has Dh said to his mother about it?

So your DH pretended to forget his mother's birthday, just so he didn't need to bother himself with buying her a present? I really wouldn't be entertaining that for even a second.

I would be pleased it stopped, so I don't have to reciprocate anymore.

maybe take it as an opportunity to stop giving presents to each other. Sounds more like a chore for you anyways. We just give presents to children in our family and don't do adults anymore. Saves a lof of stress. Half of the time nobody knows what to buy and they are just token gifts. See it as an opportunity.

Nothing wrong with matching her energy.

Does your DH get you a birthday present, or does he 'forget' then too?

What if she buys you a gift next year and she just forgot? I think if you have a relationship with her buy her a present. For me it’s your DH outsourcing buying his mother a gift that is thoroughly unsavoury and rather than getting cross at her - get mad at ur OH. Maybe your MIL got wind that it has been you buying the gifts and is rightly upset. Awful.

It should be his “job” every year.

Does he organise your mother’s presents for you, no I didn’t think so. So why is it normalised for the women to do it for the mans family?

@fluffypeachpatch Totally fine, just make sure you text her on her birthday so it's all equal. And if she does make anything of it shrug, smile nicely and say "oh, we thought you didn't want to do them anymore" .

Agree with the point about matching energy and also leaving all DHs side to DH (and making this known)

What if she buys you a gift next year and she just forgot?

Then the world will end, fire & brimstone will rain down and humanity will fail...

Or the OP could say "thanks very much" and life will go on.

I used to always get MIL and FIL birthday and Xmas gifts, Mother's Day, Father's Day etc. One time I got them a lovely canvas (after speaking to DH) with pics of them and their grandkids on, cost a lot and they shoved it in the back room never saw the light of day. Found that very hurtful and over the years I've got them less and less to the point I don't bother. Told DH they're his parents he can sort gifts.