Hubby moved into spare room

[Sassy061096]

Hi all do you think I'm being unreasonable, my hubby of 11 years suddenly decided 4 months ago to move into our spare room. Lock, stock and barrel, all clothes full shebang. Hexsays he gets a better night sleep. On top of that he's started doing his own washing, cooking for himself. All children up and gone but the youngest my son, his step son 18 (Adhd, Autistic) decided he wanted to come home. My hubby has decided he would rather us split up than have him home. Many years ago my eldest stayed with us with his son (single dad) for a couple of months and eventually we were selling our home and he told my son their was no room for him and he should go sofa surf with his son. The mam guilt you can imagine, but he was older with good income to afford his own place, but now not "allowing" my youngest to come home us breaking my heart. AIbu? Do you think it's time to call it a day. I'm very lonely in a marriage that is based on his priorities. Of which I am not one!

He’s already called it a day I think.

That's what I'm beginning to 🤔

The way he is with your sons disgusts me. You should have dumped him years ago and put your kids first.

It seems to me he’s used you and now the kids are all grown up he no longer needs you around. There’s probably another woman too if he’s gone so cold and independent.

He’s already made that decision, I also couldn’t be with someone who wouldn’t allow my teenage child to live at home. Your son is very young to be living away from home especially given his autism and ADHD, I’d pick my child over a partner every time.

Your ex is still hanging about at your house and not letting your son move in. You need to say I hear what you’re saying. We are done, I need you to move out.

you need a thread instead of get him out and work out finances if you need help there! Hes already left you, and if he hadn’t he’s an asshole and you need to get rid, which you should have done the first time he told your son to move out. Now, Make it right.

Agree with others that it sounds like you already are separated to be honest

It reads as if it’s not just OP’s house, it’s THEIR house, which means he doesn’t have to move out and OP cannot force him to.

Yes, instigate divorce.

I would have walked out if he treated my son like that.

It's also her son's house - he's only 18 and of course he should be able to come home and stay. The 'hubby' is saying he'd split up so that's the best way to get him to leave. He's all but separated anyway. See a solicitor and start the ball rolling. Have your DS close for company. You'll feel much less lonely out of this marriage.

Yup get the divorce going OP, he's already checked out. And good riddance frankly. He clearly doesn't want your son there and I'd be picking my son over him any day!

He's using the potential for your son to move in as his line to split, it's an easy excuse. He's already checked out of any relationship, start discussing divorce

So made him the boss?

The marriage is over bar the division of assets. Work out how to get yourself a home for you and your son without him in it.

Your relationship is already over but you don’t ever let a man stop you letting your child come home!

What is the situation regarding the house?

Move your son back in and move your husband out.

Prioritise your son.

Get your son back home, and ask your ex (you ARE already separated) when he plans to move out.

What's the situation with your house and finances? Married? Own account and savings? Mortgage?

Your husband has already mentally and physically moved on . There is no future for you with him .

When my ex did this it was so he could tell the OW that he was a lodger in my house.

Where has your ND 18 year old been until this point ?

Your DH sounds awful.

Where has your son been living up to now?

It's over. Prioritise keeping a roof over your and your DS18 head, and let your husband keep going, he's already on his way out. It's over, don't let him call the shots, you're looking out for yourself and DS now, not wondering what he's doing.

Yep the marriage is over- probably a good thing as he sounds like a prick.

See a solicitor ASAP, and tell your son that yes he can come home.

Your 18yo with addtnl needs should be your priority here.