Step kids mum and holiday

[gototheshop]

Step children both primary aged who we have 50% of the time. Holidays split in half.

We had them last half of summer last year and we’re set to have them first half this year. Have had a big holiday planned and booked since last summer.

Mum is pregnant and due during this holiday. We didn’t know this until recently.
She wants to swap halves so kids are there when baby is born and so she gets a break with newborn.

What is reasonable here?

It's not clear from your post whether it's possible for you to swap halves or not. Eg I'm not clear if holiday is with or without children.
Is it possible to swap halves?

What’s the financial penalty for changing dates?
Can you and your h get the new dates off?

Does it have to be straight down the middle halves? Could you flex it so you take the kids on holiday, but she also gets some time alone with the newborn?

If your holiday is planned and booked, then its a bit late now isn't it

Yes, I think in this situation I’d be as flexible as possible. Is it possible that you can move holiday dates? If not can you swap halves generally (assume each half is 3 weeks plus) but still have the kids for the holiday- so you either swap a week or you guys have an extra week?

This. I don’t think you’d be unreasonable to say you can’t change.

I think you should definitely still do the holiday that's booked, and if things are generally amicable with the ex wife, then maybe try and be flexible about the rest of the holidays.

What would be the impact for you?

If she wants to pay for the cost of changing your holiday and you and DH can both swap leave - why not. Otherwise no can do.

could you swap part of the three weeks to give her a few days break after the baby is born? Many people would find it helpful to have childcare over their due date…

Also is mum having a c section? If not chances are that the baby won’t arrive during the holiday anyway.

I think this is a tricky one.

How will the children feel if they cannot meet their sibling for say two/three weeks.

Not that you should have to suck up the cost either but technically their feelings at such a big new thing in their lives should be listened too.

Holiday is booked to take step kids, 18 nights.
It would not be easy or cheap to change.

We would be happy to have kids extra during mums half just don't want to swap halves.

Then surely just have them extra and use holiday clubs ?

I wouldn't change the holiday. Women with kids don't just get to take time off to be with their newborn.

Is baby planned to be born while you're on holiday then?

She must be aware of the holiday though so it's pretty shit but it's how things have turned out isn't it.

I'd take them on the holiday as normal. Maybe swap other weeks and days around

I would leave it to your DP to speak to DSC and ask them what they want to do and then to his EX if they dont want to change the holiday and say you won't do this.
Babies don't always arrive to schedule so you may change your plans at a big expense and then find out you didn't need to!

In An ideal world there would be flexibility around dates so kids are around for new baby. I know my eldest DC was very anxious to be one of very first to meet his new siblings. Especially when their is step parents etc it’s extra important that children don’t feel like they are being replaced by a new family. So I think their mother was right to ask you to swap. Your reason for not swapping is understandable though.

They are obviously excited for the baby but are excited for the holiday too and are happy that going means not seeing baby until we get home.

Babies don't always arrive to schedule so you may change your plans at a big expense and then find out you didn't need to!

Quite! I wouldn’t change the holiday

@gototheshop sorry, confused here.

She wants to swap halves so kids are there when baby is born and so she gets a break with newborn.

how does she get a break if her kids are with her as well as her infant??

I see it as she wants then the first week or two baby is born then op has them once the exhaustion has set in basically

it’s terrible advice to basically put it on the kids.

holidays cost money to change, annual leave not simple to move. U fortunately t e adults need to be adult here.
holiday is booked and paid for, therefore time can’t be swapped.
simple.

Yanbu not to swap a paid for and long booked holiday. Just offer to be flexible with indirect contact whilst away and with time once you’re back.

You’ve already planned and paid for the holiday. This isn’t a fair ask. She should have planned it better, lol