Is he just being a tosser or is it me?

[MerryInthechelseahotel]

I'm 65 and have just started online dating after not dating for years. So far I've had chats and coffees/walks with some men who have been 67 and 68 and it's been like dating my grandad. My daughter, tongue in cheek, says I'm being ageist! I don't mean to be but they seem so much older!

Anyway, I've been chatting to this guy who is 70 and he seemed much younger than the others in attitude. I was really liking his messages and was going to suggest meeting for a beach walk when he said his ideal woman would love wearing dungarees and wellies but equally would look gorgeous wearing the little black dress and STOCKINGS and HEELS! (My capitals not his). I was a bit snotty in my response because I felt it was so unreasonable. I think if you are in your seventies and are looking for a woman in their sixties then looking for heels and stockings is ridiculous. Do you think I'm being unreasonable?

Ewwww. Nope. YANBU. It would give me the ick.

Well, I think the capitalisations were out of order, and he's jumped the gun with bringing it up before you've even met, and that would put me off him, because he's clearly not learned to read the room in his seventy years, but I do not think it outrageous to be wearing stockings and heels in your sixties if that's what does it for you and your partner.

YABU what’s age got to do with what you wear?

I would have replied that my ideal man would have a six pack and look like Daniel Craig. Two can play that game..🤣

Was it just a clumsy way of saying "I don't really care what you wear"?
Difficult to know without knowing what the rest of the chat was about.
Meet him for the beach walk - in your dungarees and wellies, obviously - then take it from there.

Creepy.

I agree with the Daniel Craig comment.

I think what he was trying to say was that he loved a woman who was comfortable to wear wellies and dungarees, and was laid back, but also loved it equally when they made an effort to look nice and dressed up. I think he was attempting to be a bit 'playful' and a bit like 'there is life in the old dog yet' but it seems it has backfired on him and he has given you the ick.

TBH it wouldn't put me off meeting him. If the other chats have been good and you have otherwise enjoyed his messages then there would be no harm taking a walk and getting a coffee together to suss him out further. Nothing ventured, nothing gained and all that.

Edited to add: Nothing wrong with heels and stockings in your 60's if that is your thing. You are not dead yet!!

Wear the stockings, heels and sexy lingerie .. you're 65 not dead. But wear them for you! Not any man.

Yes, I don't think I could meet him now. It's so difficult to know on messages. I felt it was really unreasonable but I see some of you think I'm in the wrong so I am possibly! I just felt a bit disappointed about it.

I am in my 60s and I haven't worn stockings and heels for years. He would be barking up the wrong tree with me 🤣🤣.

I have nothing against them but I found them both uncomfortable and awkward.

Write back and say your ideal man wears them too.

I know I'm 65 and not dead! I guess I'm past dressing for someone else's fantasy especially before being in a relationship with them

Haha I nearly asked him if he meant he was going to wear them.

I don't think there's a right or wrong with this OP.
You are perfectly entitled to your feelings on the matter and if it's put you off - we'll, there you go - he's blown it with you.

Yeah I mean it's really old fashioned stockings and heels. I third the Daniel Craig comment...I'd also perhaps consider giving him the opportunity to redeem himself seeing as you quite like the idea of meeting.

If he does turn out to be an old fashioned misogynistic twit you get the pleasure of handing him his arse.

And i think you're being generous with that description, personally I think he comes across as a bit of a perv

Unusually for me, I don't actually see much wrong in this. I'm assuming he wants a sexual relationship as part of his dating life, and so I'm not sure there's much wrong with sharing what he finds attractive with you. His tastes might be old school, but he's entitled to have them. If he'd have said he wanted you to turn up wearing them that would have been entitled and a presumptuous over step, but he only said he liked the look. As for the age thing, I'd take a man in his 70s attracted to an older woman in stocking and heels all day long over one who perved over young women in them.

"I'd take a man in his 70s attracted to an older woman in stocking and heels all day long over one who perved over young women in them."

Wow I had never thought of that! So true. I'm afraid I've burnt my boats now though. Oh well

I might be a bit disappointed with a guy saying that before we had met. I've never dated someone in their 70s though- would guys that age still want casual from dating sites? If a guy said that sort of thing before meeting it would make me question how genuine they were, but does that apply at his age?

I mean on the one hand its good that he isnt doing the usual thing of writing you off as too old for him! But on the other hand, any man of any age saying things like that would give me the massive ick, so YANBU.

If you have regrets it’s not too late to message him saying that. Nothing to lose. If you don’t like him in real life you don’t have to see him again.

So he's a leg man? He's trying to say he likes women who are ok with looking sexy sometimes maybe and he likes nice legs. It's it's bit icky but tbh I wouldn't think it was that awful. Considering his age. If there's lots of other things to like then maybe he's alright? But equally of course you shouldn't date him, never mind wear heels etc just because he wants it!

OP, I'm 67. The thought of dating an "old man" does not appeal in the slightest. The idea of looking after one appeals even less. If my husband had lived to old age (he died in his 40's) I would have cared for him with all my heart, but the thought of being lumbered with basically a strange elderly bloke is a firm no from me.

A guy liking stockings and heels doesn't automatically make him a perv 🙄Okay, maybe he shouldn't have dropped that out before they had met but like I said, he was maybe trying to go for a playful feel and got it a bit wrong.

I personally wouldn't write him off and tag him as being a perv before at least meeting him and sussing him out.

Should have told him your idea man would have washboard abs and be hung like a tube of Pringles.