Is he just being a tosser or is it me?

[MerryInthechelseahotel]

I'm 65 and have just started online dating after not dating for years. So far I've had chats and coffees/walks with some men who have been 67 and 68 and it's been like dating my grandad. My daughter, tongue in cheek, says I'm being ageist! I don't mean to be but they seem so much older!

Anyway, I've been chatting to this guy who is 70 and he seemed much younger than the others in attitude. I was really liking his messages and was going to suggest meeting for a beach walk when he said his ideal woman would love wearing dungarees and wellies but equally would look gorgeous wearing the little black dress and STOCKINGS and HEELS! (My capitals not his). I was a bit snotty in my response because I felt it was so unreasonable. I think if you are in your seventies and are looking for a woman in their sixties then looking for heels and stockings is ridiculous. Do you think I'm being unreasonable?

I suspect that he was just trying to say that his ideal woman is one who likes doing outdoorsy stuff like muddy walks but also getting dressed up for dinner at a posh restaurant - as opposed to someone who only likes one or the other. It's not really an age thing. It doesn't come across to me as someone saying 'I expect you to dress up as my fantasy' at all.

I think he expressed it a bit clumsily but a) a lot of men are clueless about clothes and what getting dressed up for an evening out really is, and b) I suspect he's just a leg man and therefore that was the first thing he thought of.

However, it obviously put you off and that's totally fair enough! If someone annoys you as early on as that, it generally suggests that things weren't going to work, so honestly, don't give it a second thought. You'll find yourself a youthful 60-something soon who doesn't remind you of your grandad, I'm sure!

Mmmmm Pringles [misses point of thread]

The capitalisations were added by the OP, not the fella she was messaging.

nope, ick ick ick

Maybe but the way he expressed it in capitals and before you’d even met would personally give me the ick. He gives immature and lack of self awareness. I’m 52 and would not entertain that. There’s no right or wrong in these cases as perhaps he could be great but sometimes you just have to follow your gut!

I'm 64 and so out of practice with stockings and heels that I'd look like Norah Batty with bunions if I tried to walk in them. A man should assume that a woman knows how to 'dress up' without being prescriptive about what that should entail, surely?

And I agree that all men in my age group are so old! All they seem to want to do is go for slow walks, and then sit down and watch TV! Where is their get up and go? (Wasted on dreaming about women in stockings and heels, obviously...)

Oh thank you for that! That has been my experience, too.

I hate it when guys start to pull this seedy shit, no matter what age they are.

I don’t know, I think maybe at 60 odd you just think fuck it, what have I got to lose, i’ll be honest - I like women looking rugged and outdoorsy and also like ‘sexy’ underwear in the bedroom.
Some younger people might not be so forward maybe?
I don’t think it’s too bad really but you’re under no obligation to meet up if you don’t fancy it at all.

it's a shame to give up on him for a comment that could be interpreted in various ways, specially if the other guys are too old, and apparently this one is too 'sprightly'? I quite like stockings etc, it's fun, sexy, and specially as he's not demanding it, but perfectly happy with dungarees too. It's not as bad as the guy I met who required hairless 'bits'!!!

I am on the fence with this one a bit.. Stockings and heels would have been considered quite a normal thing for a bloke to be liking seeing a woman in when he would have been younger and dating so nothing really strikes me as creepy with that.

And is hoping for a woman in her early sixties to be able to wear heels any worse than saying men of 65 are like grandfather's when in all likelihood most of them are?

I agree with this comment tbh. I feel like you're being a little hypocritical here by saying you don't want to date grandads who are old before their time ... then when you get someone who is showing interest in staying young, you respond by saying you're too old for this now. (No offence meant btw).

I don't think he's being overly pervy, he's letting you know that he would like to be with someone who feels comfortable in her own skin - whether this is covered up or uncovered. He's letting you know what he likes and you can pursue a date or not.

I don't see how it's too offensive tbh. He's telling you there's life in him yet... which is what you wanted???

You could always tell him that his comment made you a little uncomfortable as it moved too quickly?

Yeah this. You've not met the bloke yet and already he's making lewd comments about what sort of underwear he would like to see you in.

I get it may be slim pickings for blokes in this age bracket, but just because he's older I don't understand why some posters seem to think it's appropriate to give him carte blanche to ignore decent standards of behaviour.

I think the point was ..they're only chatting and he's already getting a little intimate

But he didn't necessarily mean it as underwear in the bedroom sense. Little black dress stockings and heels was fairly standard dressing up for a night out when he would have been younger, so in effect he is saying he likes a woman who is happy to be casual but also make an effort on occasion. I am not yet 65 but I know very well every time we had an Xmas party or some other party of that nature a new Little black dress was purchased, often only worn once because if you hadn't changed jobs you didn't want your work mates to think you only had one dress. This was standard for almost all my female friends much to the bemusement of our partners who invariably couldn't even remember what we had worn the previous year.

The fact that he included the dress not just the heels and stockings definitely changes the meaning