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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I'll be a bit of a "loner" for the rest of my life?.

79 replies

Isitameproblem · 10/03/2025 08:25

I go through phases, but clearly I like the idea of having friends but not the reality.

I ultimately find friendships complicated (or maybe the only two that I have are), I have no real desire to use my free time to meet new people, and I work remotely so I don't have the daily interaction.

It doesn't help that I've moved quite a bit, (moved the UK 16 years ago) and have worked remotely for the past 13, so I really haven't had the chance to meet anyone through work

OP posts:
Supporthelittleguys · 10/03/2025 12:37

Yes it’s a you problem. From reading your replies you seem exceptionally negative for one, it also comes across as if you feel you are somehow better than other people or at least not ‘such an idiot.’

CreationNat1on · 10/03/2025 12:39

Maybe I need to embrace my mysanthropy!

There can be hordes and hordes of mentally unwell people, who believe they are OK, because their unwell behaviour is typical in a community. Friendship groups or workplaces where substance abuse is normalised and resulting aggression is tolerated. Or simply mid life ennui is commonplace.

Its OK to be selective about friends. I think the friendships becomes more fragile in mid life.

Over40Overdating · 10/03/2025 12:48

The people with lots of friends are typically quite immature, with immature gangs of similar people. The more analytical you are, the less patience you have for group dynamics.

This is a load of cobblers written by someone with a superiority complex and likely who needs to be the centre of attention at all times so can’t cope in a group.

I have what is considered lots of friends, gathered from all stages and parts of life. I have friends from primary school, secondary school, uni, first jobs. Friends 20 years younger and 30 years older.Neither I or my friends are immature or lacking in intelligence.

I make friends easily even at nearly 50 because I have put the time and effort in to widen my social circle, treat people with kindness and don’t expect every single person I meet to become my personal fan club with all my specific interests and opinion in common.

One of my older friends, now in her mid 70s, has more friends than anyone I have ever met, and she is not immature or lacking in analytical skill. She is one of the most interesting, intelligent, kind and socially skilled people I know.

The main reason people are drawn to her is she is not a condescending, self-centred misanthrope with delusions of importance.

People will make friends with people who like them, not those who seem to consider having to speak to people a chore or are on the look out for proof they aren’t as deep and intelligent as you. Most people can spot someone who wants a transactional relationship with them and will avoid them.

MystyLuna · 10/03/2025 18:39

it has been 15 years since I have had a friend and I have been much happier without them.
I have no desire to make any friends again.
I have also worked from home since 2015 so don't have any social interaction with work colleagues either.
This is definitely the way I like things.

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