Ex's move causing issues

[IcantAnymore]

Hello MNters,

Please help, im i the unreasonable one.
I have 17 month old who I coparent with my ex. We lived together until baby was 7 months. My ex moved back to his mum as we had a lot issues and the relationship between us was deteriorating. Things didn't get much better so we decided to breakup and coparent. Our baby continued to live with me. My ex has now bought his own place which is 1.5hrs away from us (because that's where he could afford) and is asking that I reduce our DC's attendance at nursery by 2 days so that DC can go live with him for 2days (on the days he works from home), or I come with DC because i also work from home.
Even before my ex bought his house I made it clear I was not want to live there or stay any length of time as he was already saying things to suggest that I should. We were already broken up and coparenting at the time plus I already own my own home in current location that I love.

He's now saying im being unreasonable as its difficult for him to see DC due to the distance and the fact that he still has to travel to the office 3days a week.

But he knew all this before he purchsed.
Should DC now have to forfeit 2days at nursery?
I forfeit time with my DC or now have to spend my time travelling back and forth and spend my time in a place I don't want to?

He could have afforded a smaller property closer to us but he wanted a 3 bedroom house with garden.

I am the unreasonable one?

Thank you.

Definitely no to taking your child out of nursery to suit his needs. It was his choice to move so far away and it isn’t your job to facilitate his relationship with his child. It’s up to him to sort it out. He’s an ex for a reason and it’s unreasonable of him to suggest you spend time at his new home with your child.

How’s he going to look after a 1 year old while wfh? Is that what he’s suggesting? I’d say he made his bed and it’s not your job to accommodate his idiotic decision to move so far away. He does the travelling, DC stays in established nursery pattern and you’re not engaging in his ridiculous suggestions.

100% agree.

I wouldn’t agree to either of his proposals. You will both have to sort a formal arrangement where he sees his DS each other weekend and perhaps a mid-week visit, with him doing the travelling, given he decided to move a distance week.

Your DS will be going to school in a few short years really, so don’t agree to this as next he’ll be wanting him to go to school in his local area.

Assuming he has days off, surely those are the days he should have his child

Big fat no to it all

I don't understand. The child is in nursery on those days because you WFH. How does he expect he'll look after DC on those days whilst he works from home? Apart from all of this sounding crazy, if you cave into the crazy, you'll just end up having lost the days you need at nursery when he realises it isn't possible to work and look after a toddler, and bows out. What a silly man, I can't imagine why he's an ex.

Thank you all for your responses. At least I don't feel like I'm crazy thinking this does not make sense. @AffableApple and @AnneLovesGilbert the plan is for his mother to come watch over DC while he works. He's mentioned this when he tried to convince me to come spend time there saying we could both be working while his mother watches DC and that it would give his mother time with her grandchild.
I'm just so tired of the constant arguments.
It started with him wanting me to spend time at his mom's place after I had the baby via emergency c-section and other complications. His mom lives in a flat with no lift so first there are several flights of stairs to get into the house and then the bedrooms are upstairs as well. I always had my own place which had a lift and all rooms are on the same floor so no stairs to navigate plus it was right next to the hospital. I had to go back to hospital due to the complications and even had to have surgery but somehow he couldn't understand that I needed to be in my own space. 3 months post partum I was still going to hospital which was daily at some point to facilitate wound dressing.
Then it was his mother having a designated day to see her grandchild. It didn't matter if I had an appointment or that I just wanted to do something else on that day it became a problem. The answer was always to leave my child with her. I don't understand why I must leave my child with anyone when I am not comfortable doing that. ..sorry for the essay, it goes on and on, this is just thr tip of the iceberg.

Convient he wants you to WFH at his house so you do the travelling for him.

Another no to this arrangement.

You tried cohabiting and coparenting and it didn’t work, so his suggestion is you do it 2 days per week 1.5hrs from your home? That’s a firm no from me.

Nursery places can be difficult to come by. There’s no way I’d give up 2 days for such a floored plan. Also what happens when his mum has a hair appointment or holiday? Will it be your problem to find childcare? Similarly, if his employer changes his office days, then what? You have to commute 1.5hrs to access childcare via his mother and stay at his? What if he decides you can’t be at his alone? Also what happens when new gf comes on the scene and hates the set up.
All rhetorical questions I’d be thinking about when I said No.

I would offer to bring the child to his new place every second weekend. If you’re comfortable leaving him overnight then I would drop him off on Saturday morning and pick up or get your ex to drop him off on Sunday evening. Or you both pick up - he picks up every second Saturday morning, you pick up every second Sunday evening. Plus more time on bank holidays and when he’s off work.

Can see why you split, what an entitled nob he is.

Say no, suggest alternative weekends and you can offer to split the travel if you feel generous

I don’t understand why you would rather send you child to nursery than letting them spend time with their father????

Why can’t he see the child after nursery on those days? Does his mum live close to you? If so surely he could wfh at her house and see dc around work/nursery hours?

I don't see the harm in dc spending two days a week with his dad as long as he picks up and drops off from your house. IF his mum can provide childcare while he is working. It will naturally have to chnage anyway once dc starts school

He picks up and drops off, his decision to move. Could he want her so its two days less payment of nursery fee's.

Assuming his mother lives near you why doesn't he work there a couple of days a week and see his child on a evening before bed (at yours).

I wouldn't offer to "bring" the child anywhere. He can travel to collect his child every other weekend as he is the one that decided to move 1.5 hours away. And no court would expect to her to take the child to him in such circumstances!

that would be fine if he did all the effort, since he was the one who moved away.

He wants to exert control over OP and she is right to resist strongly.

Yes, this.

@Goldengirl123 the father would be working, not spending time with his child.

He is suggesting that the OP goes to his house, with their child, both the OP and the ex WFH whilst the ex's mum watches the child and then the OP goes home again after 2 days of that (with the child).

That's not contact time with the dad, that's making things inconvenient for the OP, so the ex can see his kid for an hour or so (with support from OP and his mum).

It's a ridiculous suggestion and doesn't allow for things such as what if the ex's mum is ill/has plans/goes on holiday, who watches the child then? The OP will have given up a nursery place for inconvenience and inconsistency.

So his suggestion is:

He has the child two days and arranges childcare for those days (his mum).

You have the child five days and arrange childcare for those days (nursery).

I don't really understand why everyone thinks he's in the wrong here! It sounds like a perfectly reasonable setup. I think a court would agree that this is perfectly fine. If anything, he could push for a more 50/50 arrangement.

an ability to read and inwardly digest would help here.

It's not him seeing the child that is the issue, it is him demanding that OP up-end her schedule, cancel nursery for 2 days and do all the travelling.

As we know: the parent that decided to move to an inconvenient distance needs to make all the running here.
He could, for eg, move to him mum's for 2 days a week and have the child there.

My apologies, my reading is obviously not as good as yours.

Do please highlight the section where he demands that she 'upend her schedule' or demands she do all the traveling.

I can see that he's asked her to cancel nursery for two days, but that makes perfect sense if the child lives with him for those two days and he has arranged alternative childcare.

Ex wants me to take DC out of nursery and come work from home at his place 1.5 hrs away while his mum watches DC. He moved away and you @NuffsaidSam ,think this is a reasonable arrangement and fair on me?
@brefugee thank you for trying to explain